ellensagh

SONGS

When I was out walking at 5 am

The loveliest sight I did see

The angels of night, the northern lights

Came down and were dancing with me.

A green circle round and then up and down

Like a mist that enveloped me

A mist here and there like a mist in
the air

Up and down all around me.

Nov 2003

Heartful Saskatchewan

Heartful Saskatchewan

Land of the living skies

I am here and this is why

Land horizons wide and free

Wheatfields waving grasslands green

Lakes and forests still unknown

The First Nations shared their home

Heartful Saskatchewan

Heartful Saskatchewan

Land of the living skies

I am here and this is why

Down home people farm our ground

Artists writers depths abound

People care ’bout what we do

We wave from cars, we share our food

Heartful Saskatchewan

Heartful Saskatchewan

Land of the living skies

I am here and this is why

Rider pride and diamonds bright

Hometown hockey movie nights

Medicare the Synchroton

One hundred years we are so young

Heartful Saskatchewan

Heartful Saskatchewan

Land of the living skies

I’ll be here until I die

Our love Saskatchewan

Our love Saskatchewan

Land of an ancient sea

We’ll sustain for all to breathe.

Nov 2004

I will be gentle with myself

I am a child of the universe

I am pleased with myself

Accepting all I am

I am gentle when I’m angry

Gentle when I’m kind

Gentle with the thoughts

Running through my mind

In caring for each other

Gentleness will reign

Kindness will be my mantra

Learning love for self again

I am gentle with myself

Caring for myself

Giving of my self

In this breaking of the day

Nov 2005

The beauty of each moment

The loveliness of the day

the gift of all communion

Living life today

Caring for each other

All have a say

Listening for the future

Christmas will be okay

Dec 2005

Love isn’t love until you give it away

Give it away

Give it away

Love isn’t love until you give it away

It’s more than just you and me

Love matters wherever you are

Wherever you go

Whatever you do

Love is what sees us through

And it’ll keep coming back to you.

Jan 2006

I am exploring my spirit fully

I am exploring my spirit fully

I am exploring my spirit fully

No turning back, no turning back.

I want for others the fun I’m having

I want for others the fun I’m having

I want for others the fun I’m having

No turning back, No turning back.

Jan 2006

Lightning bolts of pain in the left
side of my brain; pain in my throat and in my jaw.

I will be gentle with myself

I am a child of the universe

I am gentle when I’m angry

I am gentle when I’m kind

I am gentle with the thoughts

Running through my mind

As I sort out all the chapters

Of what has come before

Of all the communions

That don’t fit anymore

I have no end of assistance

Lifeblood in all these things

I can call on Jesus

Mohammed or all beings

We are so connected

To what has come before

How do we separate

The sacred from folklore

Listen in the moment

Shed the pain of the past

Describe what is happening

Deepen the experience

Detail life

Delve for the answers

Held within the pain

When I take the time to listen

To the child within again

Who’se been so lonely and so angry

Hanging out alone

Crying for communion

Of what to her was gold

Where can I find it

Visioning again

Can’t seem to remember

What that even means

Blessing of our food

Sitting in a pew

How much can I listen

When it doesn’t fit for   ____me

There is something held in

The left side of my brain

Connected to what has gone before

The shit/the hurt/the horror

Of abuse at the door

The door of understanding

Is connected to my brain

Down through my heart

And out my voice as rain

Tears of communion

Slide down my face again

Washing away the pain

And agony within

Desperate lives

Of so many do abound

Searching for Spirit

In all things around

Wanting to matter

Knowing there is more

Wanting to reconnect

To what has come before

Unity with Spirit

Of the Life Giving Force

Permeates Us All

And wants to be Endorsed

Something is stuck in me

In my throat and in my jaw

Most is so much better

Most of the pain is gone

I can feel it in my heart

My needing to be heard

The sorrow and the pain

Of all of those years has blurred

When I didn’t seem to matter

To anyone or anything

I couldn’t find God or Spirit

In anyone or anything

When actions show NOW caring

Then I feel it is not lost

That people will be there

To help me bear the cost

Now I trust that others

Who have walked the path before

Are with me today

And when I breathe no more

The tears are coming now

From so far, so deep within

Washing away the pain

From the welling from within

It got stuck to the old crap

That was still in store

And couldn’t move through

And felt like forever more

Explore the old beliefs

That make my head spin

Lightning bolts of action

Leaving with this pen

This is sweet communion

As I connect with the child

Who has always been, is

And wants to run wild

She is full of spirit

In love with everything

Was with me much of life

Especially when I sing

The miracle of birth

And when I was a bride

She was right there with me

Always at my side

I am so happy that

I’m finally breaking thru

Connecting with

I hate to say you

Then it means I’m not connected

And have to feel the pain

As the girl was hurt

Over and over and over again

I have to give voice

As it’s stuck in my jaw

The hell of disconnection

The despair and the loss

The descent without answers

Disgust, anger and pain

Depressed emotion

Rising again

Disturbed, distorted degraded ugliness

Deep deep pain

Who wants to hear

Again and again

It’s what I need to do

Give it a second look

Why I wanted the help

Of putting out a second book

Spread the pain around

Not bear it alone

Others will help us

On our journey home

Up to now I have been trying

To build me a home

Find me a job

And not be alone.

But the pain has been building

Stuck in what has gone before

This is my understanding

And my throat is much less sore

Oh this is sweet communion

My tears softly sing

As I listen to my voices

A musical ring.

Jan 28, 2006

A Girl

Who deserves to Run Wild

Be free to sing

In three part harmony

To have caring and support

Loving as ne’re before

Hugs and kisses and wants met

Standing at the door

Living life so well

Her cup runneth o’er

And still have time to tell

The truth of her existence

And what has come to pass

Resting so easy

At home at last

A lesson in remembrance

Patient as I lay

Down my inattention

And take the time to play

Plastic has to end

Plasma is the key

Connecting with the past

For the future us to see

Give me a moment

An hour or two

Give me the chance

To have fun with you

Thinking of my friends

How they’ve been there

So much love and caring

In this world is rare

I want for all the others

As they climb out of their well

The listening and the kindness

That got me through this hell

Let’s make a world of difference

We can create a song

Make the road less travelled

With weariness and wrong

Help is at hand

Even when we do not know

It’s inside ourselves

At the deepest level oh

Listening in the darkness

Allow the suffering

Hear the pain

And the songs will rise again

Pray for a miracle

Doesn’t happen anymore

Open up my heart

Unlock that door

My heart has the answers

Pathway to my brain

Deep within

It’s rising again

Then memory of my maker

Now connection with One

Does it really matter

Will it be who has won

Ending separateness

Gentleness and light

Living differently in

The darkness and the night

Living differently

In the sadness of the day

Finding the sunshine

And an energizing way

Live with less

Have a life that’s full

of laughter and love

and living too

Listen to myself

Let the tears fall

Holding them in

Creates the wall

Doing less at work

Create what I need

Care of what I have

More than I need

Let others feel their pain

Don’t take it on

Listen with compassion

And when they’re gone, it’s gone

The pain in my shoulder

Of what has gone before

Is just a reminder

To shed what is no more

Don’t take care of others

They all have a home

A place of sweet communion

And lots of room to roam

They create as I do

They will softly say

I can listen

I can be the Way.

Feb 26, 2006

I\m One of Many

And so I wait with bated breath

And wonder what this day will bring me

I want to buy some groceries for me

To care for me I’m one of many

And as I go about my day

I will accept it all with wonder

I can do anything I want

Provide the love to one and many

The love I give is so enough

I won’t do anything heroic

I’ll always do the next best thing

And that will care for one and many

Sept 30, 2006

Reaching Out

And you know how much I really love you

Even though I see the pain in your eyes

I will give what life offers to you

I need acceptance and no more lies.

Reaching out Reaching out

Tentatively

Reaching out Reaching out

Tentatively

Have to live my life sharing what I’m
thinking

Can’t be no more holding it in

I’ve practically grown as a woman

As my heart opened, my eyes no longer
dim

Sweetheart is what I’m really asking

Gently moving to another plane

Hearing from each other much more often

Loving let it begin

A natural creative fun loving woman

Jan 12/07

We must find love

We must find love

We must find love

Love be the Way

I have found love

I have found love

I have found love

Love is the way

Attempting oneness

Healing the hurt

Allowing the pain

Living side by side

Together again

Masculine & feminine

Tried so hard

To do what’s right

Always on guard

Can relax now

Let go of the hold

Step out silently

Be ever so bold

Listening in the shadows

At the break of day

Softly silently

Prayers we say

Put out the fires

Fasting long gone

Listening inside

Is how we’ve won

The battle is over

Now just tossed

In a sea of emotion

Triumph lost

Love is the way

Living listening

Allowing my say

June 23, 2008

Living on love

Biding my time

Getting to know

What’s me and mine

Giving my love

Gaining my trust

Trying to find

A deeper connection

To the divine

In me it’s said

If truth be told

Is love so deep

We can be bold

Allow the love

To come pouring through

It’s one up against

Me and you

Division awaits

Finding the key

The distress inside

Is all about me

Healing the past

The pain within

Saying good-bye

Again and again

Disturbed

Distorted

Challenging the deep

Fighting the demons

Instead of sleep

There are no demons

Only beliefs

Struggling to surface

And get relief

Letting them go

They’ve served their purpose

Feels like something dreadful inside

Learning to trust again

June 23, 2008

I want to live

In love with you again

A love that is so real

Open up my heart again

That is how I feel

Deep in my heart

Deep down inside

As if I have not tried

I have given lots to you

To keep you satisfied

Keep the thinking real

That is how I feel

No more hurt it’s done

I have found my sun

May 30/09

I have found love

I have found love

I have found  love

Love Be The Way

June 09

Living in Love

Biding My Time

Getting to Know

What’s Me and Mine

Loving Me

Loving Me

Loving You

Being True

Giving

Living

Dying

Drying My Tears?

Opening

Heart Sensing

Love

In The Stillness

Letting Out the Tears

Release

Tension Ebbs Away

I Cry

Because I Am

Dying to Be

At One With Myself

With Others

With All That Is

I Am

Not There Yet

I Wake  To The Pain

Stored In My Hip

Not Healed

Release of Love

In The Tears

Love of Who I Am

Cared For By Me

Honouring

What I Can Do

In This World

By Being Me

Depending on Love

Reflected

In The Moments of My Day

Deepening Commitments To Myself

To Understanding

Heart Centred

Hip Centred

Shoulder

Left Centred

Love

June 09

Arise Come Sing In The Morning

Sing With Me Everyday

Come On, Come On & Keep It
Humming

Listen to What I
Say

Sept 09

Friends are our
lifeblood

Listening to each
other

Families give us
meaning

Meaning to our
roots

Children are our
passion

And they live on

Memories will keep
forever

Our hearts remember

Being there for
each other

Peace and love for
tomorrow

Oct 9/09

Living on empty

Lives Lived

Listening intently

Giving back

For All I’ve been
given

Sharing

My new found
freedom

Hearing the answer

Is in the singing

Allow the pain

The pain of
grieving

Some say love it is
a river

Song in my head

I say love is in
the sharing

The listening to
another

The listening of
another

Deep dark secrets

Delving in the
Darkness

Allow the retreat

Resting comfortably

In my new way of
life

What is missing

There’s no more
strife

A long held dream
of a better world

Softer gentler but
oh so bold

Heartache gone

No more clenched
teeth

Listening inside

Allowed to breathe

The right to say

I want more

Than living with
loss

As I did before

Enjoy the moment

The day will pass

Let out the pain

A blast from the
past.

Oct 17/09

Comfort me gently

Quietly singing

Needing the answers

From inside of me

Not only singing
but quietly waiting

Of what the answer
is supposed to be

Getting ready for
the moment

When all is as it
should be

Dearly beloved
Sorting out

Who and what is
family

Oct 17/09

Deep sense of
sadness

All that has gone
before   Cutting the ties

Granny Dad Mom
Dorothy Judy Despair

Anger Torment Held
In Knotted Muscles

Hellish Pain

Hands of Communion

Doing Too Much

Ending Voice of
Rain

Tension Held In
Cheekbone Area

Under the Shoulder
Blade

Heartfelt Pain

Can let it go

Again and Again

No longer on guard

Listening inside

Don’t know the
future

No need to fear

Have the tools of
those who were here

They’re here in the
moment whatever shall pass

Pure energy at home
at last

I’m at home here
shedding the strings

Of deeper roots
attached to things

Wanting them to
phone is just a few

Examples of what
I’m wading through

Loneliness leave my
child is free

Filled up with love
and harmony

Picturing peace
Gaining relief

Capturing moments
of purest peace.

Oct 26/09

I’m living on the
deep side, no longer living in such pain

I am living on the
deep side, I can handle  a little rain

I am so happy, so
very happy, even in the deepest place

It’s okay to live
for tomorrow and enjoy the frantic pace

Keep giving in to
the tears that happen, they herald a sweet remembered place

Of life rich with
passion; now life ended sorrow and loving still the sweet embrace

Of love worth
sharing; care for another

Care from another
comes from the heart

Keep the slayer
Keep it coming for all the good that it has done

Keep the spirit
that runs on empty as it fills from the well within

That’s connected to
life forever That’s outlasted all that  is

So keep the truth
bearing forever Silently spoken from there within

Deeply coming to
the surface Drowning out the doubter’s din

Deeper is lasting
and loving living and not afraid of moving on

Moving on is magic
waiting around next morning’s bend

Moving on is
lover’s waiting as life unfolds until the end.

Nov 20/09
Arizona

I’m learning to
live

Learning to love

All over again

Getting rid of the
hate

Rid of the sorrow

Of deep inner pain

Denying my love

For all that’s lost

Won’t give in

Whatever the cost

Destroying my trust

In all that is over
again

Letting us in

Listening inside is
how we’ve won

Lost in the
wasteland lost in despair

My girl has no
answers of how to get out of there

Descent into
darkness

The blackness of
cloth

Clinging tightly at
home at last

Lessons in
Remembrance

Come into play

Magic of delusion

In our day to day

Dreams so big

All but gone

Despair anchored

Finding what’s
wrong

Dense review

Derision aside

Detail life

My own best bride

Drift on awaits

Challenging the
deep

Dancing in the
wilderness

Instead of sleep

Remembering my life

The strength to go
on

And make a
contribution

And still have time
to play

Keeping all my
strengths

Adding to them too

An Outlet for my
desires

That’ll be my fuel.

May 3, 2010

Celebration

Signs of Life

Amidst Death

Rituals of Our
Lives

Sharing What We
Have

With Others

Touchstones of
Remembrances

For Times When We

Feel Alone

And Unloved

Feb 11/11

My love for you will last forever more

My love for you will last forever more

My love for you will last forever more

And I will save the best time for you
again

I’m caring for you first before my
other things

I’m caring for you first before my
other things

I’m caring for you first before my
other things

So you don’t end up in deep despair
again

How many times must I wait for you

How many times I’ve cried out for you

I’m leaning on your wisdom again

Give me time so I can shine again

My love for you will last forever more

My love for you will last forever more

My love for you will last forever more

And I will save the best time for you
again

May 21/11

(music in my head in Ireland to tune
of

When you’re happy and you know
it, clap your hands)

I want for you the best of life

This living it goes on forever

Enjoy the best of everything

You have what it takes – two hearts
forever

Leading forward, looking back

Creating fire for all its members

Living lightly on this earth

Moving gently to its rhythm

Looking onward enjoy the day

And all the good things I’ve been given

Sharing love and laughter soon

Life will take on a new vision

June 4/11 (after home from Europe –
tune of How can I keep from singing.)

Thought – I don’t want a new
vision.

Living life easy

Living life free

Living life

As it was meant to be

Loving you

Loving me

Living with all

In harmony

Halleluiah

It’s come to be

Heaven awaits

And I can’t see

The future

That’s in front of me

Live this moment

Live and be

Free to be me.

July 17, 2011

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