ellensagh

8. Returning

I mentioned last week at the 2015 beginning session of our writer’s group, I am returning to my book one and two and combining them for publication. It is a journey in itself. Mostly I am happy to be doing it. I am a person who likes projects; who likes purpose; who has a pattern of having things to do.
All last year when I was living in the south for the winter, I just wanted to sing. That was the focus. Then one week prior to my going north for home, the focus changed and writing became the focus. I was into editing my third book called Beyond Understanding. I worked every day on it. I told myself “three pages a day” and I stuck to that.
I had a wonderful summer. April, May, June came and went and the editing went well. In July, I was nearing the end, when a pop up advertisement on my computer suggested a booklet for assistance regarding publishing. I contacted this company and entered into a contract to have them publish the combined book one and two.
I then had to combine them.
It was more of a challenge than I thought as I had to have a friend and my daughter assist to complete needed computer work. Scanning documents and sorting files are a challenge for me. We did it and off went the book for their legal team to review and advise.
I had not read their guidelines until after my submission; and when I did found out that their were rules and guidelines that I did not know about and did not follow. In 1998 I self-published book one and probably broke all the rules of writing. Ignorance is bliss. I guess it was at that time. I learned that the letters someone sends to you belong to the sender and are not mine to publish without written permission.
I knew then that documents such as letters I had submitted would never pass their legal team’s perusal. I was right. They also told me for them to publish my proposal, I could choose to use a pen name and change all the names of anyone living, in order not to identify anyone.
Twenty years ago when I started writing my book called Wanted: Someone To Understand, that would have devastated me. An alteration or a deviation from what I considered the truth would have been devastating. And now it doesn’t bother me.
I have chosen to move ahead and I’m calling the book, Ending Abuse by Sharon Speaks. Rekindling memories is happening as I edit the files. Modification is happening as the rules dictate what changes are antiquated. Reminiscing happens as I think of old friendships and nostalgia for twenty years ago when my kids were young. I do not miss the discontentment and despair that I experienced when divorce and acute memories of abuse were fresh. Those days of learning about deviation when my body felt decrepit and fear of deterioration was rampant are over. Now I see an alteration inside; a coming apart in order to know myself.
A place where I learned to feel with others support. Thank you.
– November 2015 –

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