ellensagh

123. Returning to a Place

(to be the story of the week and to use, if possible the following words in our story)

discontentment, rekindle memories, friendships, nostalgia, reminisce, alteration, deviation, difference, modification, decline, decrepit, antiquated, deteriorate

There’s nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.                      – Nelson Mandela –

                                                        RETURNING TO A PLACE

    I think I mentioned in my opening piece last week that I am returning to my book one and two and combining them for publication.  It is a journey in itself.  Mostly I am happy to be doing it.  I am a person who likes projects; who likes purpose; who has a pattern of having things to do.

    All last year when I was here in Viewpoint I just wanted to sing.  That was the focus.  Then one week prior to my leaving for home, the focus changed and writing became the focus.  I was into editing my third book called Beyond Understanding.  I worked every day on it.  I told myself “three pages a day” and I stuck to that.

    I had a wonderful summer and April, May, June came and went and the editing went well.  In July, I was nearing the end, when a pop-up advertisement on my computer suggested a booklet for assistance regarding publishing.  I contacted this company and entered into a contract to have them publish the combined book one and two. I then had to combine them.

     It was more of a challenge than I thought as I had to have a friend and my daughter assist to complete needed computer work.  Scanning documents and sorting files are a challenge for me.   We did it and off went the book for their legal team to review and advise.

      I had not read their guidelines until after my submission. I found out there were rules and guidelines that I did not know about and did not follow. In 1998 I self-published book one and probably broke all the rules of writing.  Ignorance is bliss. I guess it was at that time.  I learned the letters someone sends to you belong to the sender and are not mine to publish without written permission.

      Then I knew documents such as letters I submitted would never pass their legal team’s perusal.   I was right. They also told me for them to work with me to publish my proposal, I could choose to use a pen name and change all the names of anyone living in order not to identify anyone.

      Twenty years ago, when I started writing my book called Wanted: Someone to Understand, that would have devastated me. An alteration or a deviation from what I considered the truth would have been devastating.  And now it doesn’t bother me.

       I have chosen to move ahead and I’m calling the book, Ending Abuse by Sharon Speaks.  Rekindling memories is happening as I edit the files. Modification is happening as the rules dictate what changes are antiquated. Reminiscing happens as I think of old friendships and nostalgia for twenty years ago when my kids were young.  I do not miss the discontentment and despair I experienced when divorce and acute memories of abuse were fresh.  Those days of learning about deviation when my body felt decrepit and fear of deterioration was rampant are over.  Now I see an alteration inside; a coming apart in order to know myself.

      A place where I learned to feel with other’s support. Thank you.

                                                        November 16, 2015

—Ellen Sagh

summer:  306 382-5204
winter      480 373-1734
writings:   ellensagh.com

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