ellensagh

5. COVID-19 – My Way

2020

The best of the best in me

Provide for all to See

As I live my life

Inside and outside of me

January 6, 2020

  1. Questioning

Knowing

More

Under the Surface

Living

Sometimes high

Sometimes low

Peaking out

I cry

My disappointment

Fuzzy

Unclear

Focus on what?

Icing

On a cake

How I’m living

Quietly

Enjoy

Whatever I’m doing

Speaking out

Best I can

What I know

A person

Standing tall

Part of the World

Unloading

The Burdens

Of Others

Comfortable

Living

In My Light

On Edge

Wondering

How I’ll Do

January 27-31/2020 week following Hawaii

  1. Maybe

Step Lightly

Old Fear

Releasing

Fun

In the Sun

An Adventure

Sharing

The Shadows

And the Light

Reaching Inside

Crack the Layers

Sing Out Love

Dreaming

Settling

Sustain

Saying good-bye

To planning

Figuring it out

Near transparent

Telling it

Like it is

Live in The Moment

Live and Be

Free to Be Me

First glance

Sometimes wrong

Take my time

Crestfallen

Surface Hurt

Only

Unseen

Still There

Under the Surface

Thoughts

Interwoven with

Sludge of The Past

Miniscule Leavings

Magical Moments

Eternal Essence

         February 1-7, 2020

Dark sky

Full Moon

Through the palm trees

Six am

As I step

Into warm water

Of the pool

In total gratitude

I want to share

Rush

Grab my camera

Not a photographer

I tried to share

Guess I just did

In my own way

         February 8, 2020

  1. Open

Trampling along

Fresh Insights

May Appear

Chrysalis

Opening

To the World

Treat me nice

Transient

As a leaf

Living

Listening

Loving

Songs for the Soul

Singing the Sacred

In the Sunshine

Be Who I Am

Be How I Am

Be All I Am

Wondering which way to go

When will I get there

I am there

There is no beyond

We are all

Eternity

Cracking

Through Layers

Lightening up

There is Light

In Darkness

Dreaming

Old Soul

Ready to Move

A Head

Sitting in Abundance here

Nothing to Strive For

Enjoy This Moment

Cracking Up

Universe Out There

In Me

A spark of daylight

Melting the Ice

Around my heart.

         February 8-14, 2020

  1. Hesitant

Creating

Using the Old

As It Melts

Continue to find

What Brings Joy

Love

Eyes Open

Hesitant to Speak

Or Act

Coming Out

Of the Woodwork

Of My Home

Glistening

Granted a wish

Alive and well

Lots to Say

How to Say It

To Who

Layer upon layer

Inside Beautiful

Realize

Tread Softly

Making A Difference

Being Me

         February 15-21. 2020

  1. Treatise

Opening

To The Radiance

In and Around

Shadow

Mostly Present

And Awake

Head Up

Leave Past Behind

Illuminate

Oh the Things To Do

Listen Inside

The Light Within

Clouding Over

Triumph Lost

Tethering

         February 22-28, 2020

WE ARE THE CHANGE

When we don’t know why we’re living what we’re living

When we don’t know what to do

Let’s have faith answers will appear

In a way for us that’s new

            Outer space this life we’re living, our inner space it doesn’t change

            It’s where we are all connected, we can bring forth the change   We are the change

Scary days we’ve had and are having

Glad we’ve had the times when we were down

Something new that throws us off kilter

Takes some time to get our feet back on the ground.

            Outer space this life we’re living, our inner space it doesn’t change

            It’s where we are all connected, we can bring forth the change   We are the change

When we don’t know where we’ve been or where we’re going

And all seems out of control

We can learn to live in the moment        And, keep keeping on

            Outer space this life we’re living, our inner space it doesn’t change

            It’s where we are all connected, we can bring forth the change   We are the change

So much love and all of it available as we take the time to let out the pain

Living here we will be ever after We’re taking time to reframe

Outer space this life we’re living, our inner space it doesn’t change

            It’s where we are all connected, we can bring forth the change   We are the change

Repeat last line…………….            March 5, 2020

  1. Sandwiched

A New Born

Day

Me Being Open

Sunny Sky

Dark Sky

The End Is Coming

Outer Space I’m living

Inner Space the same

Sandwiched in Between

Rivulets

Dancing

Dreaming Inside

In The Depths

Beauty

Am I

Reflects

Present Moment

Being

Leaping Up

Whispering

Listening

            February 29-March 6, 2020

WE ARE THE CHANGE

When we don’t know why we’re living what we’re living

When we don’t know what to do

Let’s have faith answers will appear

In a way for us that’s new

            Outer space this life we’re living, our inner space it doesn’t change

            It’s where we are all connected, we can bring forth the change   We are the change

Scary days we’ve had and are having

Glad we’ve had the times when we were down

Something new that throws us off kilter

Takes some time to get our feet back on the ground.

            Outer space this life we’re living, our inner space it doesn’t change

            It’s where we are all connected, we can bring forth the change   We are the change

When we don’t know where we’ve been or where we’re going

And all seems out of control

We can learn to live in the moment        And, keep keeping on

            Outer space this life we’re living, our inner space it doesn’t change

            It’s where we are all connected, we can bring forth the change   We are the change

So much love and all of it available as we take the time to let out the pain

Living here we will be ever after We’re taking time to reframe

Outer space this life we’re living, our inner space it doesn’t change

            It’s where we are all connected, we can bring forth the change   We are the change

Repeat last line…………….            March 5, 2020

I have enough

All I need

As I wait

To super cede

I come

To the place

Of rest.

            March 6, 2020

                        (same tune as Being Kind, Kind is Love, Love is Kind, Being Kind;

                                    Being Kind, Kind is Love, Being Kind) December 2017

Life’s Happenin’

There we were up all night sitting in ER

Never dreampt this journey’d have Us ending here

Best thing to happen; we were not shuffled off

Now it can come clear

“Life happens when we’re busy making other plans”

Said Mister Alan Saunders in 1957

John Lennon’s song used that quote

I’ll do similar to what a great one wrote

Maybe when all the testing’s done

We might know where we’re at

Will we start planning again

Or will we play catch up

Cause life’s happening’ when we’re busy

Making other plans

Give up the need for control

Now meet new life demands

Living unknown uncertainty

Basics appreciate

A warm blanket, a kind word

Time to meditate

Gratitude for this day

This hour moments few

Unexpected gives us time

Do a life review

Cause life’s happenin’ when we’re busy

Making other plans

I’ll take the time to enjoy

Wherever this new ball lands

Cause life’s happenin’ when we’re busy

Making other plans

I’ll take the time to enjoy

Where ever a new ball lands.

                        March 9-13, 2020

  1. Fear

Cringing

What’s next

Dream On

Watching

Wondering

From Afar

Simmering

Spontaneity

Jumps Out

Ideas

Forming

And Transforming

Simply

Beautiful

Bubbling Effervescence

Retrospection

Bursting

Forth

In the Shadows

Wondering

What’s Ahead

Keeping Calm

Settled In

Growing Moments

            March 7-13, 2020

I HAVE ENOUGH

I have enough

All I need

As I wait

To supersede

I come

To the place

Of rest

            March 6, 2020

  1. Unfolding

Grouchy

Not enough sleep

Suffering

Greening

Source

Unknown

Desperate

Newness

Fleeting


Release Emotion

To Who

When

Precision

Dancing

In the Wilderness

Roaring Ahead

An Angel

Still Scared

What to do

Unfolding

Love

Quivering

Age Old

Wisdom

            March 14-20, 2020

ISOLATION

Fear in their eyes; not wanting to hear

Carrying a message and they want out of here

Listen in the darkness; bring it to the light

It doesn’t really matter; a superficial fight

Rising up O listen is what inside me said

It used to be the feeling they wished that I was dead

Where is it all going; experiences do end

Life lessons matter but who do you send

Stuff that got stuck; not processed at the time

Well listen inside and you will be just fine

Important to release the sad, the mad, the glad

Even if no one hears it; let out the bad

It’s you behind the scenes; one who really knows

Who till now was silent; fighting off clinging foes

Cause deep down inside when pure love glows

Are all your answers when you need it most

If we can remember we are not alone

Everyone is searching on their journey home

Give up and listen; inside everyone

Pure love glistens; find it in the s*n

Is it son or is it sun; as I question every thing

Keep on observing this musical ring

Living in the moment as things come to pass

Staying connected as nothing lasts

It’s all out there; Pure energy

And it’s inside of me trying to be free

I know you are hearing I no longer feel alone

I’m the one whose seeing; whose questioning home

Pure Energy, what a blast

Pure Energy, Home at Last

No more Isolation; Home at Last

No more Isolation; It’s Come to Pass.

            March 23, 2020

Remember my tools

Breathe In Breath Out

Freshen up

Fresh air

Walk the earth

Lay on it

Search the Sky or Not

Fall Asleep

Lay On The Grass

Come Inside

Do Yoga

Meditate

Hundreds of Relaxation ways

Being offered on the Internet

Music sustains

Grounds, lifts

Carries me like the wind

To a new place

Organize or bake

Cook a great meal

Plan a time ahead

A party

I learn lots

Where I’m at

When I plan a party

My Tools are my touchstones of love

Things people have given me

Memories of Happy Times

Heart Connection

Beauty of a Sunrise

I have photographs

Have time to organize

Do I need to

Others may enjoy

When I’m gone

I like to read

More than I write

Not happening lately

Have to honour that

As I enjoy this new Life

That is Here

In the Present

I get it

A gift

This Present Time

A Moment

To Remember

My Life on Display

Today.

            March 25, 2020 (Seven Minute Writing)

What I saw today

Was a half brown bunny

And a sunrise not how I thought it would be

Then I came home from my walk

Saw a wound gaping as the bandage came off

Had to be dealt with and it was

I had to stay in the parking lot

Time to think but mostly

Time to distract myself

As I do

So I don’t have to think

Not sure where this is going

And no one else

In the world does either

But I am enjoying this moment

I can breathe

And isn’t that what I’ve wanted

My whole Life

To Live In the Moment

So What To Do With All This Writing

Time to Share

In the Ways That Are Comfortable

I have much to offer

And finding platforms to do it

That are being freely offered

And I can do the same

Maybe this is the Pay It Forward Time of my life

As I speak out, sing or share in new ways

All I want to say or not

I have choice

It’s OK to BE

Relaxed Restored Rejuvenating Time as I enjoy

This time of sharing with so many in the world

A new and different way of dealing with fear

Isolation

Love and creativity

Has come to the Fore

And as I write this

A green light

Appears on my Paper

Heart Light

The inner me is here now

            March 25, 2020 (Five-minute writing)

I am in love

With my home

With the open doorway

To the sunrise each morning

The deck where I can see the stars

Or the Northern Lights I am waiting for

The open concept where natural light

Comes in from every direction

I can look north and see the trees

Planted by neighbors

The North Star

Big Dipper at nights

Screen door opens on each side of house

Fresh air fills my home

I am in love with sunshine year round

Or a Cloudy Day is fine too

Snow and Blowing snow Yesterday

Didn’t bother me a bit

Was happy to be here

Inside with My Loved One

Giving me pleasure

My House

As the Quiet Suits me

Cleaning it in last while

Has been a pleasure

As I contemplate

The Past

The Now

The Future

            March 25, 2020 (five-minute writing)

SPRING DRIVE

Bare trees

Flooded road

Snow in the distance

Water laying around

Few people walking

Biking

River water

Snow covered golf course

Sun’s warmth

First pothole

Dusty intersection

Dirty cars

West end Saskatoon

So much new

Called South Kensington

This three-degree end of March afternoon

In the country now

A new mosque

Emergency alert

On my phone

Fourteen-day isolation

If come from a foreign land

More C-19 cases in U.S.

Huge hawk

Sentinel on post

A crow and four magpies

Too early for pussy willows

A big raven

A pot plant

Big Time Gates

And now

North end of City

All new buildings

All look closed

No cars around

Not much traffic

This 4:45 pm

Liquor Store has cars

            March 27, 2020

  1. Scattering

Transient

My Life

Circle

The Bear

Inside

Is Sad

Alien

Crying Our

For Attention

Who and what

Is Family

All

Deepness

Breaking Up

Scattering

If we all die

We will be fine

I declare

Who

Is

I

Freaked Out

Inside

Dissipating

            March 21-27, 2020

Good Monday Morning

Sweet One

Caring for my little ones

Inside Me Again

Dream On Awaits

As I Deal with what’s here

And I Will

If it takes another year

Catching me unawares

Thought I had it made

And it comes up to get me

To listen so it fades

The deeper I go

The more it flows

Keep on listening

Let it grow.

            March 30, 2020

HE HAD A DAY

He had a day yesterday

Bounce in his step

Twinkle in his eye

Laugh with a friend

Joking and serious

Listening outside himself

Walked outside alone

Chest x-ray this morning

Talking it through

What may or may not happen

Phoning his doctor

Get a plan going forward

            March 30, 2020

  1. Unchartered

Swimming

Out to Sea

Eyes Open

Swimming

Underwater

One Eye Open

Out

In The Open

Tenuous

Old

Peaking In

Is It Safe

A New Day

Anything

Can Happen

I AM

Separate & Apart

Dissolving

Tired

Going Back

To Source

            March 28 – April 2, 2020

THE CRACK

There’s a crack in here

Not sure what I’m wanting

Caring what I do

As I wait for You

Leaving us out

Is hard to do

Giving up ourselves

Don’t know for who

Or what will come

Or what will be left

Let go of my thoughts

And what is left

Coming from inside

It’s way deep down

At least right now

Don’t feel I will drown

There’s a little bit stuck

Scared to speak out

Wanting there to be

No more doubt

It may not happen

I’m new to this

Wanted to be certain

There’d be bliss

I know not what

I think it’s time

Give it a whirl

Nothing has to rhyme

Say what I want

Kindness prevail

Give up at last

My not wanting to fail

Okay to be different.

            April 5, 2020

Clear and cold

Not wanting to walk

Have coffee instead

Will it bite me in the butt?

Future ramifications

My two cups of coffee a day

Alcohol

One drink a day

Which is worse

Coffee or the drink

Bone loss an issue

What will change?

Only I can

When?

No tests this year

If world crisis

For two years

How do I want to live?

Go for a long walk

Processing all the time

Been here before

Not sure what to do

Vulnerable

All that’s been

In the forefront

Grieving

Missing kids

Grandkids

Write more

Pay so others read

Hanging onto my writing

Like desperate

My first recognition

Grade six Remembrance Day essay

Is that correct?

“Know Thyself” is what I live

More so than “To Thine Own Self Be True”

What self?

Writer is what self?

(Pen quit)

DONE

            April 5, 2020

Life Listening

Life listening instead of speaking

Car Idling

A car idling on its way to fishing

House Discovering

My house listing discovering writing

            April 5, 2020

Been up an hour

World in white

Two snow dumps and a skiff

On the weekend

And I am in memory

Of frustration growing up

Too many kids

So much work

Always on overwhelm

Not enough money

Trying to do homework

Wanting something better

Someone to love

Someone who’d love me

Notice

Care

Crack open again

Is happening

Braver all the time

Putting so much on fb

Now others urging me on

Put on a song; a gospel song

A children’s song

An Irish song

I have things to do

Shop, journal, meditation

Card to a friend

Fix the printer

Write out poems

Income tax

Send chapter three to the website

Up during the night

Reading everything

About anger at a mate

Frustration

Pissed off

That probably fit the most

Challenging for him

Working with money

I hear my derision

How much we spent

What is in safety deposit box

It doesn’t have to be this hard

Want to show my way of doing it

Why am I putting off things

Money

Hardest thing first

A new Credit card

Have to go out and use

During the stay at home

Not a lockdown yet

SUMMER WILL COME

Add an obituary for each

I keep saying I’m new to this

I’m not

I’ve carried you inside

In Denial

Denying You

An aspect of Me

I’m saying hi

And you can stay as long as you need

Till you fade away

            April 6, 2020

Leaving in a snow storm

Bring out my broom

Woman with a broom

Clear a path

Down the driveway

Yesterday my outfit

Black and white polka dot dress

I said Sunday go to Meeting dress

My church in my every moment

Others saying feeding the chickens

Hutterite

Today much the same

Cross out of my area

Into Stonebridge

Seven am by the Walmart Parking lot

Forty-two cars in parking lot

During this stay at home time

The staff ones on the side

Three shopping carts in the snow drifts

As I walk around the lake

Birding

Seagulls with black-tipped wings

One lone goose in middle of slough

Thought they mate for life

Where’s the other one

See all the clumps of seagulls

On the ice

Then a man and a dog

Step out from the bluff

Sad I’m scared of the man

Not the German Shepard

He says sorry

How Canadian

And hear my hubby say

Be careful walking alone

Now down the road

I can’t find the address

I wanted to drop off a card

In a mailbox

Saying this time

Everyday like a holiday

Like Christmas

We don’t know what to expect

Oh well

Got a good walk

Head to Shoppers

For a new journal

Choose indigo colored cover

Clarity needed

Social Distancing inside

Guy in front of me

And cashier

Wearing masks

Walk home a new way

Drop my gloves without knowing it

As I score a protein bar

From my bag

Man coming toward me

Calls out “ma’am”

And I have them again

Much gratitude given

As I move my two meters away from him

See pairs of geese as I go by the park

Wonder where the gay goose went

Or is she or he single/widow/widower

As I walk

Under the huge four-line power poles

In what has become a prairie blizzard

Will I get excess energy

I don’t hear them buzzing

Like the ones in Arizona

Or like the zinging going on in my head

City put up signs

Don’t cross bridge till empty

Can’t see the other person

Till you are way on to the bridge

Everyone trying their best

Will a two-hour walk

Improve my mood

What part shall I use

For a comedy routine

Is it time

To contact Elton John

Or the woman who wrote the song

About manic depression

Those were the thoughts

As I started my walk

Had others about who I know in Stonebridge

Could adopt them since I can’t see

My kids; my grandbabies

Can I say that or I’m only to say

Uplifting things says some

Gramma can have kids for a month

When this is over

Says a tired mom

Worked at sorting again

Made a quiche

Great roast beef supper

Sent facebook flowers

Connected with the people

Who made comments

            April 6, 2020

New idea

Poetry

On my website

Put on a chapter

When I want

Making a book

Each day

Look at a picture

Write three lines

End of week

A chapter

Don’t know how it will end

Yesterday snowing

My three lines

Summer

Will

Come

Put on face book

            April 7, 2020

Slept all night

First time in months

Put a kids song on fb

Comfortable in my own home

Talking about my right now reality.

            April 7, 2020

Clowning

Around

One Eye Open

            April 7, 2020

Sitting in parking lot

The doctor’s waiting room

I can’t go in

Look at my notes

Sometimes I go overboard

People comment

On my writing

Haven’t read it

Suggest next move

Still wanting understanding

Think of our lives

No knowing what’s next

Pants aren’t on inside out

Like last time

Things are better

E-book on Amazon

Kind of amazing in itself

Paid good money for it

Money ideas

Someone said donate button

Like a tip jar

Direct ask was best

Yoga

Second time since February

Why?

            April 7, 2020

1:30 in the morning

Just so tired of it all

The not sleeping

Seeing the unhappiness

Or is it feeling the unhappiness

Of us all

Or is it only inside of me

Everyone wanting something

All seems so hard

Printer fiasco

Two hours of frustration

Not there for grandson

Show me the way

Is what I sense

Others asking

I show myself

And I don’t see them again

The tension

Fear in my muscles

All down the left side

Girl in me

            April 8, 2020

End of my 128th Journal

End of My Owl Journal

            January 12, 2020 – April l8, 2020

Am I satisfied?

What do I need?

Where are the face book hearts?

            April 8, 2020

Losing a Friend

Gone

Still Bothering Me

            April 8, 2020

As in Life

Much easier to walk when there’s a destination

Today you are mine I say to a friend on a card for her mailbox.

            April 8, 2020

Hiding

In Retrospect

Hurting

            April 8, 2020

Last Night’s Crying

Last night’s crying over couples not getting along

            April 8, 2020

  1. GLIMPSE

Sinking

Enveloped

By Love

Transparent

Truth

Be Known

Summer

Will

Come

Clowning
Around

One Eye Open

Hiding

In Retrospect

Hurting

Another

Mountain Emerging

From the Calm Pool

Am I done?

Backwards Forwards

Drifting

            April 4-10, 2020

GOOD FRIDAY WALK

Crow and geese

Greet me

As I leave

Brown bird buzzing

Don’t know its name

Murmuration of birds

A lot less snow

Walk to the sunrise

Pink blue orange yellow

Disappears in five minutes

Into cloud cover

This 6:20 a.m.

My porridge settling

Pair of geese on the marsh

Could pick bottles

Like springs of my youth

Tim Hortons cups

Beside the freeway

Highway 16

Highway of Tears?

Or connected to it

Sociologist

Criminologist

Or a picturologist

Showing society to itself

Redwing blackbird

Only can’t see the red

Where are my binoculars

Walking by condos and concrete

Sixteen to each one

Or maybe apartments

Now thirty-four new homes on left

And then even bigger

Three more square boxes of homes

In Stonebridge

Two Hotels

Shopping centres of no people

Businesses shut down

Liquor store truck being unloaded

Walmart had people

Knee hurts

Inflexibility

Or walking icy sidewalks

No birds here

A moment of sun

And a pidgeon

One rabbit white

One mostly brown

As I get lost in a park

Behind million-dollar homes

A stained-glass Easter window

Every color hearts

In another

During this Covid 19

Wake up

Birds are

Walk by the Chief Whitecap School

Connected to a Catholic one

Sharing a school

Bench to sit

And stare at the Community Entrance

No longer feel the shame

Each time I see a Catholic anything

On my way

Past more condos

As I decide

Do I phone my hubby

To come give me a ride

See a Robin

Stop

Eight robins

A Lady Statue

In a seating area

Between two condos

Hour and a half into my walk

Do I go home or into the country

Choose the country

Plump, plump robins

Five in one tree

Wellman crescent

Across from where I played

Piano for seniors last year

A seagull

On this ancient sea

A train crossing the track

Separates me from country

Unbroken grass

Turn for home

Bus stop in the new

Business park neighborhood

No sidewalks

Not for people walking

Tim Horton cups on the group

Line ups there

A hockey great

Wonder how hockey business

Fares during our crisis

Back to a favorite

Birding area

Can hear the blackbirds

Before I see them

Are they yellow headed or black?

Too far away

I wander home.

            April 10, 2020 8:35 a.m.

Poem for One I love

Honest and true

Transcendent

You

Is what I see

Listens inside

Trusts the divide

Centred and free

            April 12, 2020

Unspoken Thoughts

On my morning walk

Is my writing

Garbage or

Fertilizer for Growth

Hear a meadowlark

See a bunny

Know a society

By its Garbage

Garbage has changed

On these streets

Blue plastic gloves

Blue beer cups

Instead of red solo cup

Snack bags

Pencil stamped WWJD

What Would Jesus Do

And a moccasin

By a school

Chocolate container

Orange Intense

Two Liquor Bottles

Empty 26’s

In less than a block

Three geese fly by

Mate for life I heard

Is one dead

Or any gay geese?

            April 13, 2020

APRIL 14, 2020 POEM

Crisp

Waiting

Eyes Bulging

Top of the tree

Sliding Down

Integrating

Phamtoms

Of the Past

Whispy

As the Clouds

And the Moon

Leaves

And the Sun

Comes

At Some Point


Darkness Descends

And the Cycle

Continue

Until It Doesn’t

On What

Plane

            April 14, 2020

HEAR ME OUT

  1. Living

Softy

Gathering

Depth

Graces

Pink

Glow

Thoughts

Floating By

Not Sticking

Crisp

Waiting

Eyes Bulging

Remember

The
Children

More

Under the Surface

Not

Breaking

Free

Old Beliefs

            April 11 – 17, 2020

Modern Ink Letter

To my niece

Answering her questions

Are you OK?

I am okay.

This morning I wondered

I am coping

I am doing different to get through this

Everyday different

I notice I’m going back to some comfort things

Being disciplined about not drinking too much

Offering my gifts to others

Made a list of all things I want to be doing

Can be doing

Near forty things; only three I can no longer do

Tennis, golf and patio bands

Besides physically being distant

With family and friends

Internal shifting is big

Time and safe

Issues needing healing are here

I look in the mirror

I see pain

Hard to recognize myself

And who is that self I am looking at

Who is looking?

Things are different

I am not the same

I did see this pandemic coming on some level

It is here and it will end

Summer will come.

            April 17, 2020

DRIVE IN THE COUNTRY

“Dust in the wind”

Yesterday’s song in my head

As we go for a drive

Two hawks in the field

Looking for mice

Geese above the canola field

Swaths from last year

Pleasure way RV’s

Moved to the country

We now miss Clavet

On Highway 16

Very little snow

Some open water

More ice

White snow geese

64.9 for gasoline

Lots of crop in field

Ducks in the slough

Ten hawks by the time

We get to Junction #2

Mosaic Potash

Not a car there

Barley in the field

About twenty whooping cranes fly by

White with black wing tips

Not many people

Living on the land anymore

Seagulls heading toward Zelma

All quiet in Young

Unidentifiable crop in field

Maybe flax

A walking track outside of Watrous

A virtual hug for my niece

Manitou Beach

Lots of money being spent

To save and expand

Walking trails

A kildeer as we go by the end

Of a lake

Gravel piles dotting the landscape

Stony, stony land

Mennonite church in the country

Large cattle and then a hog operation

Thirteen more whoopers

After we think we see three only

And a gray hawk

Lanigan potash mine

Tremende Barn

Through Sinnett before we know it

Sinnett church

Farms I know and farms I don’t

Manresa school yard

St. Patrick’s Cemetary

Eaton’s house now with a garage

Then past my farm no more

Except the evergreens

Grandparent’s land

Where the log cabin was

The new T -Eaton House in 1931

Casey school land donation

My dad’s parent’s land

Granary nearby

On the roads dad graded

St. Gertrude still going

Ditching happening on the fields

St. Peter’s College

Cathedral

Muenster

Murmuration of pigeons

Coming into Humboldt

Around a feed plant

Saw a lot of cemetaries

Where Mom, Dad, Dorothy, Gary

Buried

Some green grass on the golf course

We are now the old generation

Stop to see my older brother

Through the window

Of his care home

On our way home

See ATV’s making ruts

In the sloughs of the land

Did my heart good

To see the land

Where I came from

Way more snow

Past Carmel and Bruno

Corners

Nine hawks

Humboldt to Saskatoon

Had my mini vacation

Loved it.

            April 19, 2020

  1. LOVING

Little Bit of Fear

Lots of

Courage

Do

It

Different

I’m Ready

Whatever

Happens

Smattering

Home

Inside

Hear

Me
Out

Puritanical

Praise

Indeed

I AM

So

Out There

Seeing

Through

The Veil

            April 18-24, 2020

  1. LETTING GO

Check

Er

Board

Tired

Played

Out

Work

Is

Done

Caring

What

Happens

In

My

Head

Can’t

Take It

Away

Once

You Are

There

Escaped

From the

Background

Trust

Lacking

Depth

Light

In the

Darkness

Confusion

Out

There

            April 25- May 1, 2020

INCOME TAX RUN

April 30th

Income tax run

Two-hour walk

To CRA blue box

STOP it says

No mail here

First time in thirty years

Wondering

Did we have Covid-19

In Arizona

Strange things

I see on walks

Bird flies into dryer vent

Ducks on roof

Hearing the meadow larks

Sunrise

Love’s pink glow

My grief is raw

Looking for clarity

Told songwriting group

“use Android phone”

When asked how I record

No fancy gear

No shame

Who cares?

Thoughts of singing

“Moments Alive”

About Sorrow and Joy

Not feeling the Joy.

Pick up a Maple Leaf’s Tie

Take it home to wash

For whom

Half a hockey stick

In the park

Homeless woman

Downtown streets

Man with walking pole

Only see people’s fear

And my own.

            May 1, 2020

ODE TO MOTHER

After the storm

Picking up the pieces

Emotions the storm

Words the pieces

Was it mother coming through

Or “All of my own making”

“if you can’t stand the heat

Stay out of the kitchen”

Since I was born

Survival was the key

She died

Twenty years ago today

“Truth hurts” she said

“I had lots of disappointments

In my life too”

I knew I was loved

Even if I have my doubts

Loved with conditions

So I stayed away

Kept my distance

“What she didn’t know

Didn’t hurt her”

Hurt me

Silence worked

“say only what was nice”

Until one day I didn’t

I found a voice

Found many since

Lately more showed up

They usually take turns

I am responsible for what I say

As I discharge held in emotion

Of sixty years

Or is it more

A path of destruction

Leaving my mouth

If I’m not kind

To those closest to me

Deemed as safe

If I have no awareness

Of other’s experience

To hear

Do I produce

Fear, shame

Anger

Sadness or

Beauty

Or is it I have no responsibility

How other’s feel

In my search

For oneness

Am I open

To Hearing

An honest

Direct

Response?

Yes

It’s what I crave

Belonging

Completeness

All those sayings

Of the past

“Looks fit to kill”

“If looks could kill”

Words can too

Just like assault rifles

Banned yesterday in Canada

Silence kills

Stifled anger

And hurt

As well.

            May 2, 2020

WALK WITH THE BIRDS

Can go birding

On my walk

Find a little library

Drop books off

Got rid of books about

Being a Halfbreed

Slavery and New Testament

Ones I’ve read

Crows all around

Death comes

Pen hard on the spine

Of this book

Too much pressure

Like was for mom

Need to sit

One Thing

At A Time

Bench too wet to sit

And contemplate

Birds that kill

Humans that kill

Chokers

And four come together

In the sunlight

In one small rose bush

Blue, blue jays

One screaming

In the distance

A downy woodpecker

Male and female finch

Red and brown

Masculine more out there

Like I am right now

Feminine too

Honor Your Father and Mother

Was more important

Than Honor Your Body

Swallow?

On my way home

            May 2, 2020

MUSINGS

He’s gone for a walk

Seeing my role

As caregiver

Been an okay day

Phone visit with a friend

Zoom with seven women

A little singing

Girls on phone

Not easy

I’m searching for something

Not sure what

Deep grief over so much

Need to let it go

Want to honor mom in some way

Not certain how; else to do it

Not certain do anything right

We are all hurting inside

Wise one missing

Wounded child to the forefront

Over the mountain

Going downhill

Granted my life story

Is one mountain after another

Moving faster all the time

Leveling out

Addendum or P.S.

To Modern Ink Letter

Our homes:

A microcosm

Of the world

For my grandchildren

Made a list

What we might do

Virtually

Loved what she did for

The whole day’s birthday

Was great to be on

With eight of us

At one time

And their dad at the end.

            May 2 & 3, 2020

ACROSS THE MILES

A guy

I and nine

Others lived with

In 1973-74

Canada World Youth

Reaches out in a

Face book group

Looking for me

On April 24, 2020

Asked me to join

I didn’t know

I wake up and write

His and eight names

In my journal

On April 25, 2020

I am alerted

Found

May 4, 2020

How did I know

Back on April 25th

Thoughts travel

The Beyond

We are all

Connected

            May 4, 2020

SIT IN A PARK

3 pm

Sit by a park

Didn’t go home

Wanted quiet

Not listen to the news

Near 24 hours a day

Fourteen for sure

7 am to 9 pm

Now I sleep

Nine to three-thirty am

Four to Seven to myself

My computer would send an email

To a friend

Not who I wanted

The one who wants space?

Not sure what she’s wanting

Our car has new tires

And can’t go anywhere

First time I drove SUV

Since February in Mesa

Two months ago

When deathly ill

Was happening in our house

Now sorting phone lists

Has future changed?

Will there be any more travel

To the States

Yesterday

Stage One happened

Saskatchewan opened

Health practictioners

Stage Two to be May 16th

I see lots out today

Not social distancing

When I’m at home

Talking lots to my sisters

Emailing a pen pal letter

Near all my nails gone

And they were so nice

When Bob was sick

Hanging Hawaiian scenery

On the wall

Creating

A room of my own

Pictures of green growth

And beauty

Purple tree of life

Will computer work

Good Enough

To Edit

“See Me Out”

            May 5, 2020

1:30 in the morning

Not sleeping again

Fear I’m in the wrong

Just leave it at that

She can’t talk to me

Is it me or every one

Challenged to talk

One time I was in silence

Lost my voice

When it seemed

Mom and Dad

Chose others

Over me

My learning moments

Found what I need

Care of what I have

Where I’ve been

And where I am

I’ll know

Where to go

            May 5, 2020

PAIN FULLY AWARE

Buffoon leaving soon

Scared, frightened, chews nails

Exaggerates

Jumps when he enters the room

Terror at the heart

Think of priest

Pees different

Holds on

Yet can’t

A different one sings

Releases

When in car (the Unhappy One)

Now I’m home

Made love

Cried

Hurts

As in the world

A yeast infection?

This screaming, burning part of me

A yeast shortage

In all the stores

Give what I’ve got to friends

Gave a gift of a basket to a friend

Our first social distancing visit

Special

Walked for an hour home

Talked to my hubby who said

“You have issues to deal with

April and May of every year”

I agree

Add Covid 19

Isolation

A major health issue

A family death

I am doing fine

Cycle of life

I go through them

Faster than most

Have had more practice

            May 5, 2020

BALANCED SPEAKS OUT

Balancing out

Two Pelicans soaring

As We Are

Our Relationship

As You Are

How Someone is Parenting

As You Were

Is That Army Talk

Military

Regimented

Harcourt History

Punctual

Start on time

“did you go to residential school?”

I was asked

No

I lived in chaos

With lots of laughter

Lots of love

Glorious

Muddled

Chaotic

Order

            May 7, 2020

Awake near seven hours

Awake singing

“I Behold You Beautiful One”

The divine inside okay

Will observe as I grow

Think of all the things I can do

Give to people

Learn new things

My frustrations with others

Is it their incompetence

Or mine?

I want help

Their help

I say what I need

They are not getting it

Who can I ask for help

My nails are going

One woman wants to sing my songs

She’s in Mesa in 105 degrees

Bathing suit top

We see each other on what’s app

I have three shirts on

It’s cold here

Or is it my grief

People without a job

Can’t get out of place they’re in

No references

Can’t sign a lease

Frustration all around

Bodies hurting

Tough spaces

Can’t communicate

What is needed.

            May 8, 2020

  1. Surviviing

Pain

Fully

Aware

I’m

Not
Alone

Wise

One

Inside

Subtle

Shifts

Await

Waiting

Wondering

Where I’ll Fit

Buffoon

Leaving

Soon

Balanced

Speaks

Out

Old

Wizened

Bear

Young

Dreamy

Dancer

            May 2-8, 2020

DREAM: Tell nurse I don’t do first response anymore; lived it too long

Dream: World practicing a response; faking it; and I was fooled

My kids not responding to me

Want them to want to connect

If they don’t; they don’t

Don’t know where they’re at

They are changing

And then the flowers arrive

And more flowers

Grandchild delivers

Two and a half-hour walk

With my son

A cooper’s hawk

A beyond experience

Knowing the words

On This Day O Beautiful Mother

Immaculate Mary

There’s No One Like Mother To Me

Ave Maria

And more church songs

Are these flashbacks

Dreaming lots

And know how to change the story

Such an unhappy woman am I

That I’m not hearing from kids

Getting the silent treatment

My actions and how I lived

Could not get past how people are

Other’s sense of entitlement

Their privilege

My judgements of them

Being in the right or wrong

Why does it bother me?

I’m always trying to prove I’m okay

Is it what it feels like to feel hated?

Thinking of their dad and I not talking

Being in the same room

Not talking

No having fun

Too many hurts built up for too long

In this moment

Not sure anyone knows

Impact they have

I crying last night

He in fear in his sleep

In his dreams

Uncertain where it will end

When

Death on its way

At some point

Live it out

What we do

Affects others

Thought about

All Things

I May Have Done

Judged Others

Fears I have

Over money

Sorting that

After Death

Who’s doing it

What will happen here

Will be sorted

When time comes

Today sort out more

My finances

Document list

Frozen roof outside

May tenth

Reminds me of

Christmas or Mother’s Day

When I was alone

Following the separation

The divorce

All pipes froze

All plants gone

How this feels

Wonder if everyone goes

Through these feelings

How is it for others

Unconditional love

Is a challenge

Detachment

Let go

Don’t take things personally

Make up your mind

Be happy

Get a job

Pre-nuptial agreement

Still in effect

One thing at a time

Things I wonder about

Start a file

Or make a list

For when they are ready to talk

Or is this how it is

Silence

Or they choose other things

Distractions

Have I chose other things

Distractions

Over them

Are we all doing what we need to do

To survive

Focus on self only

Shut all else out

They have talked to me

About my tone

And they have let me know

Don’t want questions

Or debate

Love and appreciate me

Beautiful messages

I with words

Attempting

Gentle with myself

Listen to a song

Certain I do not have bi – polar

Or manic depression

Still see the intersect

Of sexual abuse, addictions

And mental health

I don’t have depression

I release

Creativity works

And friends phone

The doctor returns the call

Hubbies test results are better

Dehydration okay

Creatine okay

Kidney function fine

            May 11, 2020

GLORIOUS

MUDDLED
CHAOTIC

ORDER

            May 9, 2020

LEAVE THE CITY

1:30 in the afternoon

Leave the city

See green patches of love

Bush springing leaves

Manhatten ball field

This May 13th

Power line, tv towers, pavement

Criss cross the land

Black crows and cows

Farm machinery sitting still

RV’s in storage

Road construction

Highway # 5 being widened

Smell of black dirt

Acreages galore

End before St. Denis

Someone is seeding

Or applying fertilizer

Ducks are in sloughs

Hawk in a nest

Grazing green pastures

Lots of brush cutting

Semis; hawks and geese

Mostly a golden drive

From last year’s stubble

See old summer fallow

Then a whole field burnt black

Harrowing throws some dust

Thousands of snow geese

Over Carmel hill

Guy on bike

Picking bottles

Driving wrong side of road

Copperstone Business Park

Developing outside Humboldt

Irrigation or weeping tile

Fixing Uniplex’s park

Left turn at court house

Pass my sister’s house

Who is frontlining at the hospital

And brother-in-law building testing

Stations for covid-19

Two Canada Geese over Burton Lake

Two men fishing

Far away from each other

Past a cow-calf operation

Waldsea Lake on the left

Blackbird on the Marysburg sign

Gravel road

Land being seeded

Lots of gulls

Nine homes and a church

Crow, magpie and next

Robins and a wren

Chickadees galore

Woodpecker tapping

Over our two and a half hour

Fire pit by the ravine

Five semis and about six vehicles

Farm machinery; a sprayer

Times two; a tractor with a roller

A grain truck passes by

I walk through a graveyard

See what I thought was a ravine

End in a dugout

Catch up with brother-in-laws

Doings on his homeland adventure

Social distanced a sister

Phoned another on way home

Waved as we drove by

One last phone call

To brother-in-law in care home

Who not only seeded crops

In built up garden beds

Wondering if needing spraying

And home ward bound

We were

            May 13, 2020

4:30 am

Drinking tea

After being up

One to three

Three word lines

Come now

Without seeing a picture

DREDGING
UNKNOWN
TERRITORY

Always new territory

Not the essence

Or not

            May 14, 2020

ISOLATION OR NOT

Glorious

Muddled

Chaotic Order


I tell family

They

Don’t respond

Talk to sisters

Their raw grief

That I know

Need to change

Stories

That identify

Judgment

Observation

Integrity

Or Ends

In Isolation

Or Not

            May 9-15, 2020

  1. THRIVING

Glorious

Muddled

Chaotic Order

Raw

Grief

That I know


Choices

Telling
Someone

Unhappy

One

Leaving

Homeward

Bound

Are We

Dredging

Unknown

Territory

Balancing Out

Coming Together

Oneness

            May 9-15, 2020

A Coming Together

Happening

The Orange & Blue

Chakras

Balancing Out

Becoming One

Inside

Seeing All Sides

Inside and Out

And All Around

Creating Oneness

Until the Next

Journey

            May 16, 2020

DREAM: Small black bag with me

Room being beuilt

With women; girls;

Aboriginal peoples

As ifout there

All the people

Of the land

Is what I want

Serene & Calm

As my friend

Am four squares

Of sixteen square field

Of golden straw

All different shapes

And sizes; formations

Cried

Tried to erase

No one will understand

Wanted it so nice

Ugly part of humanity

In me.

            May 17, 2020

Printed poetry

Submission Unsure

Realize 80 pages during this Covid – 19

Little Puppy

Paddling Away

Lots of life

Still to happen

Wise One

So Big

Typed Out

Gentle With Myself

Known

            May 17-19, 2020

On way to bank appointment

Vocalizing intense

Releasing what?

Ends with

“Peace I Leave” song

From the Catholic Church

Hope it’s on it’s way

Stop for a few groceries

Unfamiliar Co-op

$150.00 later

They’re back to cheap bags

No masks inside

On the twenty so people in there

One lady in parking lots has one on

8:30 finished

Comfort foods for both of us

Cashier said forty online orders a day

Here with two week waiting period

All so intense inside

My attempts

Living my life

What’s normal for me

What’s my structure?

            May 19, 2020

Pleasant day yesterday

After my bank appointment

Zoom music

Two of us

Energy at end of day

Tick in bed with me

After a shower

And visit in the country

Friend’s retreat

Art studio indoors

And sat outdoors

With cheesecake

A starling, goldfinch

Pair of Baltimore Orioles

Grackles

And on my way home

The bluebird

Swainson hawk or

Immature eagle?

Happy I went

Relaxing

Took my books

Music, Poetry, Travel

See Me Out

New and Old

Poem, Be Gentle with Myself

Did not show

Any except to read

After the storm

From in my journal

Disappointing appointment

With bank account manager

Part of me taking responsibility

For my money

My situation

Do it different

Not sure how it will

Apply to rest of life

Look at it all

Has been happening

Storm and windy all night

Zoom wasn’t working

For the first twenty minutes

Keep being booted out

Is it my computer

Another things to face

Ask for help

Thoughts during yoga

Dreams I’ve had

Just go by myself

To be with my kids and grandkids

Stay two weeks

Future thoughts:

Make a red binder

2020 poems and songs

Like a new Journal

Be in touch with people

I lived with forty-seven years ago

Admit I don’t know her

Asking for one’s phone number

Has me crying

One memory comes

And then it’s a judgement

Who am I?

Face it now

Find the beauty

Amidst the pain

Spring Poem 2017

Put on Face Book

Sing Mary Casey’s “In Memory of Her”

For Jenn Casey; for mom

For everyone’s pain

New idea for me

Go on a cross Canada Tour

Many hats: starts here

Like I did outside

JSWOOD with Patricia

Ask

Set up what I want to say

Who to know what

Part of accepting myself

            May 20, 2020

DREAM:

Going into banquet hall

Chinese at end of table

Get in car

Woman whose daughter gone away

Wants in with me

I say okay

            May 21, 2020

Find faith anyway I/we can

Buns in pans

Out to Clement Farms

Family Greenhouse

New variety of flowers

For the year

Walk to Shoppers

Hubby mails income tax

Son and I talk for an hour

After my meditation

First phone conversation

With woman I bunked with

Forty-seven years ago

Saw her in Toronto

Twenty-eight years ago

Zoom songwriting session

Hearing the history of

Bluegrass

Sad heavy them

With happy sound

I could fit.

            May 21, 2020

AND SHE COMES

With her dreams

A six million resort

Where I can have

Free weekend and golf

I put mom and dad’s eulogy

On website

Dad’s remembrances too

Think I can send

A care package

To my daughter

Only buns

Walked through a

Peaceful house

Had a wonderful tea time

On a deck

With a friend

Who understands grief

            May 22, 2020

HEALING IT IS

Give me a name

Help me reframe

All that’s going on for me

Creatures go away

Doesn’t make it easier

They once belonged

Our care and wisdom

Is important

Can’t be forgotten

Caring for what is

Mourning the girl that was

Still has songs to sing

Poems to recite

Laughter to ring out

Cares to give away

With my buns

And my bread

I no longer bake

Clothes I no longer sew

Gifts I no longer give

Mothering I no longer do

All those days are through

Joy I think I glimpsed it once

Not here now

A time I was excited about life

Would try new things

Cared about others

Had new projects

Wanted to learn

Go to school

Keep keeping on

I’ve said more than once

More life to live

Lots to discover

Last week I said

Lots of life to happen yet

So what’s one more

Sleepless night

Tears pouring down my face

What’s in a life

Joy and sadness

Peace of mind

That I can find

As I heal the

Broken parts of me

Bringing them together

Back where they belong

Connecting the dots

Of memory

The tears, the fears

The jeers

The fun and games

Laughter and love

Time to live

As I want

As I can

With those who

Want to be

Around

Me.

            May 23, 2020

NOT GIVING UP

I know I’m not giving up

On them that can’t hear

Or be there for me

It’s not me

It’s them

They have their own issues

I am here for me

I have enough

Friends

Support

Caring loving beings

Here and beyond

The hell of disconnection

Inside is still here

Not as extreme

As it used to be

Still present for me

Presenting opportunity

Gaining trust

In myself

Room to grown

Unfold

Harmonize

Meet you halfway.

            May 23, 2020

DREAM: Go back to a house I’ve been before; like a shelter for women. Lots in

There. I check out different rooms; Know left my bag (tennis bag); and as come

Out of inner room; know by bed where mother and children are; father as well;

As I pick up the bag; know one of their children has written me notes; drawn me

Picture; the father takes off the littlest one ( I assume address); and gives me

Bag. I leave a $1.90 or something; what I can; beside the cash box; like a cabin;

Boy sleeping in upper room; waking up. He will be next is my thought.  May 24, 2020

NEW IDEAS

Wake up thinking:

Get computer fixed.

Is it an issue my phone number out there?

Named Chapters of HEAR ME OUT:

Living, Loving, Letting Go, Surviving, Thriving

Little girls hurting is not front and centre but still part of my life.

IDEAS: have poetry readings, one person at a time; zoom house parties;

I’m invited to join; in garage this summer; honor myself; one or two people.

Songs and poems, I want to share.

            May 24, 2020

STONEY LAKE TOUR OR

POST COVID – 19?

Leaving the city

Need Gas

Everyone going somewhere today

Trying to set up a golf game

It’s more $ than other years

Gas is $37.00 for three-quarter of a tank

$.89 cents a litre

Lots less a few weeks ago

It’s spring out here in the country

A friend’s mom having elective surgery

Guess that has started up again

Drought in Regina

We had rain

No implements in the field

Half hour out of the city

Not that much rain

Vehicle dust off the highway

On gravel roads

Steam from the potash mine

Don’t usually see

Pass a campground

A well drilling truck

From a different era

Seeding happening by Elstow

City parking costs

Start again tomorrow

Netanyahu in court

Hong Kong is marching

Magpies and blackbirds in the air

Geese in the fields

Ducks in the sloughs

Blue skies and sunshine

This Sunday 24th of May 2020

Busy; every side road has a truck on it

Two dark brown deer standing in golden stubble

People walking side roads

White and brown sandpiper in marsh

Drive by the farm where we purchased a horse

When I was a child

Hawk in a tree; half black; half white and a white head

Plunkett graveyard

Was here the train derailment?

Just love the green

Grass of community pastures

All the fresh leaves on the willows and poplars

Mini sticks of wolf willow

Sign says, “International Research Project”

What is it?

Huge farmer’s garden

Ice cream pails saving the plants

From frost and wind

Guernsey must have had derailment

Work being done

A Bourgault air seeder in the field

Next one a self-propelled huge sprayer

Burr country

No Trespassing Sign

Where there’d be lilac trees

Church and a graveyard

Where I played and sang my heart out

And pinched the kids to behind

Humboldt Lake Resort

Three car garage cabins?

Boat dock: cabin owner’s use only

Skidoos, seadoos, pontoon boats, campers

Motorhomes, tent trailers besides the boats

Trailers, lots for sale

A storage compound

A community in the making

Bird houses, purple martins galore

59 lots on Whitetail Lane

#45; something built on it

Yellow headed blackbirds and tree swallows

Flags of the world

Is water open all the time

Does this water connect to the bigger lake?

Are there Saskatoon berries

Seeing old neighbour’s homes

I used to babysit their two boys

And then I see buffalo beans

Beautiful Sunday around one pm

Very quiet

Nothing on the water

Little yellow pansy type flower

Auction mart

Humboldt Airport

Head for Northshore Resort and then see a sign

Three km to Kloppenburg Wildlife Refuge

Has the most beautiful grass

Unbroken sod

Now see new cabins for sale

Stoney Lake Resort

No one in the water

One man in a speedo

Eighteen degrees

Drove back to the Baytrail road

Across country heading east

Two blackbirds attacking a hawk

This is for sure a gravel road

As we slid slide on loose gravel

Falling down dilapidated hip roof barn

We check out one more side

Of Stoney Lake

Even a four-car garage here

$94,000. Lots

One pontoon on the water at two pm

Buffalo within a mile or two

Cell phone dead as head to Humboldt

Stop in; sister not home

Can’t phone brother in the care home

Sit by the fire in Marysburg

Hear the Angel Haven Retreat progression

Another sister not answering the door

Go for a great walk

The birds sing

Leaves rustle

Cupholders and solar light holders

Sixteen-inch logs can be split

Easy firewood with lots of kindling around

Lovely time

A cherry whisky happy hour

More family visits

All social distance

Own food and drink

Conversation on what’s going on in the world

What does future hold?

This is it!

Enjoy!

Hamburger deluxe

In a new outdoor rustic kitchen

And then we head home

People fishing Burton Lake

New route home

Pass Meacham

# 5 highway being upgraded

Alkaline sloughs

            May 25, 2020

Yesterday

Day Away

From Constant Grief

If golf starts today

What am I giving up?

Not sure where I’m at with people

Share pain with a few

Not hearing from kids

Grandchildren all weekend

They have their lives

It is as it is

On a grave marker yesterday

See the part the past has played

In our lives today.

            May 26, 2020

Here I am again

“Come home, Come Home”

Song in my head

Accepting Jesus

Into my life again

The he’s of Humanity

Able to be alone

But who want to?

Seeking Searching

The Way

Not only My Way

Although new ideas

Putting me out there

Went downstairs

Looking for “Gentle with Myself” Song

Already in a binder

Still letting go of

Something in that song from 2006

He’s of the World

The magic wore off

Hit the spiral

Heart Ache

Learning to be Alone with What?

Crash Dummy Victim

Anger in my Jaw

Traces of Angst

No One Cares for Me

A Knowing Untrue

I Care Others Care

A Little Girls Home

Sees things others don’t

Cries for attention

A Long Line of History

Of Making Change

Challenging Beginnings

Tenacity and Strength

Amidst Darkness and Light

A New Way

Entering the Darkness

Creation Happening

As I See Light

In Strange Places

Around My Buffet

And the Heron in the Corner

Ask for Help Outside

Comes As I See Blue Light

Outside My Door

Above It & Around It

I Can Be Wrong

As I Sing & Dance

My Way Through

Life

            May 26, 2020

Confronted

On my actions

Feel like a fish wife

Bitch

Not cared for

About

Camper van idea

Go where I want

When I want

Moon Lake meadow

Tree Swallow Goes

Around Me

In A Circle

            May 27, 2020

Ideas:

Change Website?

CBC poetry contest?

Play for others on FB?

“Down in the Valley”

I’ve been there

Hear again

“It is Well with my Soul”

I get the grief

Guy lost daughters; wife

A song

All that was

Forgotten blood tests

Must be better

And decision is

OK to have someone here

I email

What would work for you

I do not hear

No longer needed

            May 27, 2020

BLANKING

I am blanking on something

Connected to sending

Submission to CBC

Friend says “Do What

Makes You Happy”

Sounds easy

Taking in to

Consideration

Needs of Others

Other’s Privacy

Can I trust

My Memory?

Two-hour process

“Submittable”

First time use.

TITLE: Lost in an

Oasis of Strength

Four pages of poetry

Of 2013

Not recognition

Value

Finding a way to value myself

Even out our lives

$

Two hour walk with my son

Hear him out

Unsure it happened

Months of love letters arrive

Presents

Two boxes

A package of love appeared

Notes of caring

Presents of creativity

From a four-year-old

Now turned five

Checking out options

For a different life

            May 30, 2020

Sharing my opinions

Speak now or forever hold your peace

Sent song “Angel Wash” on video to girls

Face book posts

Contemplate

Loneliness has been the issue

How it is

Check out hippie vans

Emailing close friends

One phones

            May 30, 2020

When I submitted

Lost in an Oasis of Strength

I am actually

Found in an Oasis of Strength

Vacillating Between

Anger and Sadness

Resignation

A Rich Life

In Many Senses of that Word

            May 30, 2020

Marathon weekend

One-hour bike ride

On my free

Pay it forward gift

Smell of blossoms

Permeates the air

A kind gentleman

Signals me right of way

A robin watches

As I write

Crows: Harbingers of Death

Or Building a Nest

Lilacs and purple trees

Apple blossomed white ones

Irises and snowdrops

Pink flowering plum

And still the Green of Spring

Magpies like me

Looking for Bright Shiny New

Two-hour Singing Zoom

With five friends

Looking out my front door

Instead of Back

One hour meditation

Am I open to seeing

The old in a new way?

Attempting connection

In a new way

Let my love be there for you

See the dancing of the little ones

An hour of letting go

Tears and More

Saying good-bye or welcoming

The feminine

Not sure of anything

Know it’s not over.

            May 30, 2020

Having Money

A Great Equalizer

            May 31, 2020

$50.00 Bus Service

North Battleford to Edmonton

Silence

Is A Response

An Act

            May 31, 2020

WISE ONE AHEAD

What is going on?

Upper left shoulder/neck

Something of others

Not mine

See as opportunity?

Just want it gone

Out of me

Came after I sang

“I behold you beautiful one

  I behold you child of the earth and sun

  Let my love wash over you

  Let my love wash over you.”

Angel Wash Song

What the fuck is going on?

Felt it come into me from over behind my left shoulder

Had thought it’s angels

And then after worry; Satan; after friend’s comments

Crippling

Don’t know what to think

Body experience

I don’t want it

Think of what I sang

Not my job; they have a mother

Yet – Care for the little ones

Don’t want anyone hurt like I was

A Spiritual Fight????

Psychic attacks

Unsure about offering my writings

How is it different

Still sorting it

Say people have answers within

But support works wonders

I get my answers by reading books

People say read the bible

It’s a book

Wind is Magnificent outside

Eighty to One Hundred km an hour

Wrecked two plants

Debated walking

Want to sort whatever is happening

Give it over to the earth, the wind, the universe

Being, Beyond, the Love in the Air

I believe in people, in nature, in life

I will continue to enjoy all I have been given

Give as I want and as I’m asked

Credit where it’s due

Other’s support

Stomach is burning

Shame

Still like recognition.

            June 1, 2020

FOUR/SIXTEENTHS

Wise one ahead

Seventy-Five/Twenty-Five

Four/Sixteenths

Sixteenth the Wise

Twelve the Bear

Four the Pain, Hurt, Anger, Shame

            June 1, 2020

Sent in application to be a presenter of Ending Abuse for SWG Book Bytes

WALK IN THE WIND

Let the wind take away my anger

Injustice

Black garbage

Can in middle of the street

Was six am as I looked for socks

Say to hubby

“Like a Marathon to get through life”

Add: “glad you are with me.”

Knowing I hard slept, he responds

“and we will get through this”

Use my experience

The beauty of me

Two red tulips in city landscaping

Garbage strewn all over

I could use those like new containers

Other’s throwaways

No longer safe to pick up anything

Tell my daughter if I’m gone

She will do fine

Fear as I jump at a leaf

See a bronze red tiger lily

I am an open book

Coffin shaped rock in a front yard

Where did that energy come from

That came from behind and entered my left shoulder

Was it the picture behind me of the

Little girl calling someone on the phone

In Gail Adam’s painting art print?

Did she have any anger?

Could it come off the page

Does art spread it around the world

Does the sun burn it up?

Some say give it to Jesus

Who is the next Messiah?

Who is right?

Take A Stand

Wind cleans up the forest

My fault: Poem in email?

Shut down communication

Free speech certain places only

Divergent view

Why do I post?

Recognition

My views come from past experience

Hurt Angry Child

And other’s?

“What shall I do with so great a love?” Carolyn McDade

Denean’s Dream On Song so big

“Take a stand for the future

Of this earth we walk upon

Sharing love sharing power

Understanding we all are one.”

Patterns in my poetry

Share it?

Helpful or hurtful?

Red Peonies

Canada Post is advertising for employees

Why am I noticing

Take a job as distraction

Or CONNECTION is the message

Two evergreens four times higher than houses

Snapped in half

Smack in the middle

Of this windstorm

Shame, burning shame

Going on inside

Smack in my middle

Reread as I type

Carolyn McDade’s Song for Martyrs

“You are our strength, we your hope”

And again, her song words,

“What shall I do with so great a love?”

NOTHING I NEED TO DO.

            June 1, 2020

HI HI HI TO SUMMER   OR SUMMER FUN                                    Ellen Sagh

(For Some) Heaven must smell like rain at the lake

For me it would mean summer has come

Playing games, feet in the sand

Talking about nothing and having no plans

            Hi Hi Hi to Summer

            Us playing in the sun

            Rejuvenation Relaxation

            And nowhere to run

(For others) Water skis, Pontoon Boats, cabin at the lake

Festivals, reunions or quietly read a good book

Gardening, weeding, picking fruit

Going to fairs just for the loot

            Hi Hi Hi to summer

            Us playing in the sun

            Rejuvenation Relaxation

            And nowhere to run

Some like golf, others ball and some years ok if nothing at all

Sleeping late; no deadlines; camping, picnicking, it’s vacation time

Lazy days of summer I’ve heard that line somewhere

Walk a mile, take a hike; play some tunes in the open air

            Hi Hi Hi to Summer

            Us playing in the sun

            Rejuvenation Relaxation

            And nowhere to run

Barbeques, summer shoes, playgrounds and parks

Watch crops grow, blue skies, stormy skies, could be hail or snow.

Rest assured long days are here; shimmery heat and starry nights

Fresh water lakes, fish in foil, firepit gazing; dreams take flight

            Hi Hi Hi to Summer

            Us playing in the sun

            Rejuvenation Relaxation

Let’s have some fun!!!!!!!!!!!!          June 3, 2020

Ready to roar

Like a duck

In Water

Natural

Gracefully

Entering

Unknown

Gently

Bringing

Forth

Fleeting

Moments

            June 3, 2020

RANDOM THOUGHTS AND DEFEATED FEELING

Not over and won’t be

Honor father and mother out the window

Aging is a reality – maybe not

New way to think is not

Don’t know what to think

Lots of grief everyone I know and why not hearing from people

Body tells me what I need to know

Intense crying wailing for people of the world

Not helping anyone according to others

Feeling of defeat

Actual doing of something

Track record of success in maintaining relationship

Kids, family, friends

Do the next thing until I feel better

Make You Tube Channel

For the good and bad; great and not so great

I am average – Not

Kristen Neff – listen to her again

Brene Brown for shame issues

Face book – illusion of connection or am

Don’t know what I’ve done wrong or have to learn

Know inner pain still here

Wanted to spread the pain around

Don’t want to give pain to friends/family

Who I’m with; the riots and anger; what is that?

Pain of second book; pain of a child

Generational pain

Can anyone live the darkness

En JOY

Calm and serene

Place for anger and pain

Hurt and the shame

I am okay What is not

Knot – top of my left shoulder

Wanting others to understand

See the patterns in all around

A little off

Ask for help

Hi Hi Hi to summer – beautiful Sunday

Don’t take it personally; why would I not

Personal is Political

            June 4, 2020

Ferrel Rage

Unable to communicate my pain/tears

Communication is key

Time now

Time to live in love

Free to be me taking others into consideration

Living free with others

Can run wild

Caring

For self and others

Being Kind

            June 4-7, 2020

Laugh and cry

And be okay

With either

Grieving and Anger

Still here

Probably shame

And maybe now

Some self-compassion

As I choose beauty.

            June 10, 2020


What I need to learn

Be Who I Am

Be How I Am

Be All I AM

BE

FREE To Be Me

Wild One Wants Freedom

Wild and scared.

            June 12, 2020

Listened to my fifteen-minute video

Happy I am myself

Quieter when I speak about my brothers

Beautiful seven minutes

Beautiful to the end

Caring for myself

Meant to be thing

Video and it all that I am ccreating

Co-creating with other

Ideas coming all over the place

Gave away my poetry

Would someone write instruction

For transferring video

Making a link I can forward to whoever I want

            June 14, 2020

PRESENTATION VIDEO on book ENDING ABUSE sent to SWG

IDEA: Transcribe it as it’s powerful.

Love fest

Hanging around

In a Pool of Love

I smile

Thinking of how we don’t

Spend money on ourselves

We do

So we have a rich life.

Put bio on website

Need to put meat on my bones

He and I having body issues

Healing the old

Care of self

Presenter – Ending Abuse is the file


Read him plan for day and week

News on; CNN;

Say I can’t concentrate

Now louder

Friends phone, email, text

Bountiful

            June 14, 2020

Wind wind wind

Still here

Birds out

Not singing

More like squawking

Wind moved the barbeque

“Do what I’m meant to do

Listen inside

Living in the moment

The river of life.”

Ellen Sagh 2016

Living the Glosa

Four lines from a poet

Then write my own poem

I am here

Not sure I like it

Tears and fears

Do the next thing.

Another poem from the past

A Glosa Stephen Bell Called IT

“Love Comes Easy

Living Well

Life is a Story

I’m here to tell.”

Ellen Sagh 2016

I’m a Story Teller

Too scared to speak

Might say the wrong thing.

            June 14, 2020

CARE AND INTEREST

I have care and interest in children, others, world.

Answers within

Sang on face book, “By Our Lives” by Georgina Chambers

About the “ways of ancient listening;

A people’s fear cries through the night

Not knowing whether they will ever dream again.”

One hundred and sixty views; five comments

One email; twenty-five thumbs up or likes

I can’t get computer to work

When I applied to Songs4Nature and didn’t get in;

Thinking it was my computer didn’t send the email;

Took computer to the Geek Squad.

            June 16, 2020

Cracking open

Allowing the blackness

To fade away

Light to come through

It’s cold in there

Arctic ice melting

Eyes have seen enough

Old and the young

Fragile

Breaking up

Time to receive

As I step into

The Pool of Love

            June 12, 2020


Serve and the Ser ant

Send file as back up

Learn You Tube Channel

This is not my work

As if it was what I was called to do

Be Who – Inside of Me

Pushing Me – To Keep Going

All the women before me

All the women of the world

Who want so much for their children

I won’t be the same

I’m in constant change

Giving and receiving love again

I am not longer the same

I wanted a one-shot deal

Over and Done with

No wonder I am shocked

Disappointed every time

That I am still in it

Go through the tough spaces


Serve and the Servant

Gremlins here laughing

So Old

Before They Go

            June 13, 2020

Use Every Moment

Enjoy


When the women stand Up I Shall Listen

Making speeches as I walk

As I write

What if I made a mistake

So Not going live

Crying in the streets

Get point across

Women used tears

For centuries

How we were heard

Black

Symbol of fear, strength, mourning, matter

I Matter, You Matter, All Matter

Energy

All Are

Mom had activity around all the time and too much pressure

Enjoyed beautify of the small things; connection

Dad the silence, nature, open sky, down the road all the time

Who can we trust

Can’t guarantee children won’t be hurt

Claiming my Elder status

Time when I think I have something to say and realize I don’t

All in life is not free

Instead of live one day at a time; ONE MOMENT

            June 14, 2020

Unspoken

DREAM: The unspoken happening in homes and care homes

Wrong side of bed feeling

Could cry

Watch news today

Want to argue, fight

Over energy of news

Coming into our home

Per cent of what is really going on in world

Where is the beauty.

Coping

            June 16, 2020

Self Care and Interest

I need self care and self interest

Free to be me with care and consideration of the other

Coming together

Outer Doing and Inner Being

Next stage of creating

Rising Slowly

“If there be grief, let it be the rain” William Falkner

If there be grief, let it out. Ellen Sagh

Let the tears flow is where I’m at

May come a time when all the hurt is gone

The tears been shed

Not there yet

Still glad I have all I have

Done the healing I’ve done

And will continue as life appears

To give me opportunity.

            June 17, 2020

COLONOSCOPY

Can say to him

You get us there

I’ll get us home

Brings the tears

Gratitude

How he’s been there

And I’ve been there

To get me to this point

Take something to do

Or read a good book

Have a sleep

Sing songs

Hope Best Buy phones

Justify spending money

Fear of not enough

Have to care for self

Who else is going to

Phone visit a friend

A cousin

Family not available

Except one who is working

Caring for Bob

I am not allowed in the hospital

Three hours in a Tim’s parking lot

Bathroom when needed

Now has colitis

Baby tiger here.

            June 17, 2020

We leave for Edmonton

Green, green grass

Crops, trees, grazing land

Blue skies, blue slough

On way to a third birthday party

With a homemade present

Mya’s book of love

River valley gorgeous

Light and dark on the hillside

Water weaving along

Yard sites, magpies

Poplars and evergreens

Caragana

Rows of windbreaks

An old threshing machine

By a dugout

Missed a lunch date today

Can’t get much messier than that.

            June 18, 2020

Solstice

June 21, 2020

First day of summer

Back writing

Didn’t write yesterday

Was with the little ones

Went to a forest

Too many mosquitoes

So to a free library

By a bench

One played with a cat

Other not

Was scratched by a cat once

Scared but brave enough to try

Did

We did lots of walking

And talking

And fun and games

A Barbie cake and

Many presents

Cash register and the water table

Were the best

Seemed to enjoy the book

Did not look at it again

And that’s okay

Maybe someday

Maybe not

What will their passions be?

            June 21, 2020

Not Needed

Not needed as a mother; grandmother

What hurts so much?

I care that the hurting doesn’t go on

Hardly any planes to be seen anymore

Trains still running

Semis galore

Find the quiet and serene

Here the cries of the world

Unresolved issues

Of our lives

Connecting with my past

Roots to the ancient ones

            June 19, 2020

As if seeing switching going on

From old elderly

To other times doing okay

Feeling better

Tomorrow pathology results

We drove a car home

I was in tough shape

Whole weekend

Cry anytime I was by myself

Walk around lake; I cry

Like non verbal child

Grief from another time

A husband who had her love

Could not do enough for her

Called her names

Hurt children

So left

Still cared

He found another

Now he’s dead

I moved on

Found another

Carried the pain

Of another

Now let go

And enjoy

The Terrain

            June 22, 2020

Overwhelmed again

Letting go again

So much grief of all

Time for me to heal me

Caregiving went on too long

Crying every time I’m alone

There is a time for letting go

Blessed are our lives

Gramma and a dog in a stroller

And she waves as I sit

In a park and cry

Miracle of modern medicine

Killed one infection

But also all the good bacteria

In the colon

Here we go again

Be easy on myself

Always making best decisions

At the time

Going to kids or not

Making notes while a doctor is on phone

Forgot a friend who was making me lunch

Took her yellow and green flowers.

            June 22, 2020

894LUL

Can I help you   NO

What are you doing       Nothing

I said what are you doing           Nothing Eating My Lunchh

What are you; a gang stalker

You’re one of those gang busters

You think you’re a goof ball        I’m gone, I am out of here

You’re not getting away with this.

            Clancy, Circle, Clarence Home   A terror experience

            June 22, 2020  

Still in my body eight days later

Living from a place of acceptance

Accepting what is

            June 23, 2020

WASH OUT

Wisdom

Out There

For Everyone

In Their

Every Day

Wash Out – (auto spell_ from How Was Your Day?

            Thanks as I wash out the old me I no longer need.

In the country

Joyful and triumphant

Yet

Body still feeling

Terror in my heart

            June 24, 2020

Clawing my way to the top

I am There


Wise One Attentive ALL COME

Attending

            June 24, 2020

WE ALL COME FROM ONE (white light fills my head)

            June 25, 2020

Reading Carolyn McDade and Adrienne Rich lyrics during the night

Chest continues to be a problem

Deep darkness surrounds

Clambouring to be free

Despair knocks me sideways no more

Standing up triumphant

Like a hot air balloon going down

I’ll make a soft landing

The earth still here

Becoming

One

            June 25, 2020

Tears come

Whether I’ll go on my own

To Alberta

Take care of myself

Can do same here

Feel the pain

As I am doing now

A saying good-by

To all my ideas

Will I get chose

For Songs4Nature?

            June 26, 2020

Young woman prominent

Stepping Out

Been

All that is

Sees the tortured

Downtrodden

Encased in ice

Releasing them

To the Planet

And has all the growth

And beauty

A part

Of

Me

            June 26, 2020

Standing Strong

Can’t sleep

Wrote out police report

            June 26, 2020

All a bluur feeling

This moment beautiful

            June 26, 2020

I am out

A little worse for wear

Still strong

Crying Out

For Care

Lots of tears

Going to seek help again

I’m done; doing it on my own

Find ways

I would make it without but why put myself throught that.

Made muffins

            June 26, 2020

Do what you want; I tell him; he who is turning sixty-five

            June 26, 2020

Raining

Crows cawing

I survived

Police Statement

Caring officer

Took my report

Gave me file number

Card with victim’s services

I left crying

As I crossed the street

Still in the terror

As I sat in the vehicle

And drove away

Two hours with a friend

Walk and a sit

Basically my day

Came home

Let the neighbours know

I reported to police

It’s not all over

Tough again during the nights

Had been up since one in the morning

Wrote the police report

Three-thirty am

Photocopier not working well

Geek squad said computer working

Better than every before

$266.00 and $60.00

            June 27, 2020

MY CABIN AT THE LAKE

Sitting in the basement with the window open

Fresh air

Hear the rain

My cabin at the lake

Will share my summer song

Summer fun

Not there yet

So today it starts

Had a hellish week

OK, Lived through it

He forgot his pills four times

Repeat tests needed

Abcess same or bigger

Letting go of the old

Weeping and gnashing of teeth

Anger and frustration

Do what you want

Care and consideration of others

Do what I need

Care and consideration of others

What is the kind

Thing?

            June 27, 2020

Three yellow headed blackbirds

One red-winged

As we go for gas

At a quarter to nine

In the morning

Three-hour trip ahead of us

Or Rest of Our Life

Depends on Your

Point of view.

Wondering where we get world news?

Crows and blackbirds fighting

Four For Sale signs on one road

Not far from town

Greens of summer

Crops are late

White cross in ditch

Friend going to a funeral

Her nephew’s eighteen year old son

Just finished grade twelve

Died in a car wreck

Hip roof barn I don’t remember

On our way to Wakaw, Melfort, Tisdale, Greenwater

For a 65th birthday

Yellow flowers of questionable kind around each slough

Non stop rain since leaving Saskatoon

About fourteen degrees as we pass Smuts

Wolf willow

Black cows dot the distance

White ditch daisies

Driving through Minichinas Hills

At Shannon Lake the rain quietens

Two deer stepping gingerly through long grass

Have my orange and my muffin

Crops are not up over the stubble yet

This June 27th, 2020

Star City still in the same place

Rain stopped

Sun peeking through

Canadian and Saskatchewan flags at next farm

Then a sign for a market garden

At the colony eight km north

Nutrien Inland Terminal

West Hanginghide Creek

Lilacs near past their due date

North of Tisdale take the gravel road

Past his birthplace home which is no more

Land still owned by someone with same name

Roses and songbirds

Best crops we’ve seen

Past what used to be his land

Turkey vultures up close and personal

And then the smell of skunk

Pass a post office only where a town used to be

At one time it had a general store

Curling and skating rink

Two elevators, church and school

Now only a post office box

Similar to in the city

A gymkana with three barrels set up in a field

Onto a highway to Crooked River

Love the differing colors of the evergreens

Silver willow in the farmyards

Bison and their calves

Picked up our hotel key in Porcupine Plain

Toured Chelan

Five vehicles in front of the bar

Ate our salmon sandwich and sweet pickles

If it’d be previous generation; I’d have a sealer of hot tea

But I’m not and I don’t

Gate at Greenwater

Woman not sure we are seniors

Free entry with ID

Two spotted fawns jump around

As we tour through and park

Long walk along the lake, marina, the playground

Tennis courts, cabins, the waterfront

Loons, bluebells and much more

Brown hawks swoop

Family barbeque catch up family history

Overnighter and a tremendous breakfast visit

With a niece and nephew in Somme

Future happiness to look forward to

Back to the lake and price out $150.00 cabins

At Fisherman’s cove for another time

Carrot Cake Snack

And lots of natter

About where the world is going

Or us if we can

On to Perigord Country

World of green crops, grassland, grazing

Copses of trees

Bumpy broken pavement with signs saying “Loose stones”

Close to Yellow Quill First Nation Reservation

Farmingdale Road

Six horses grazing

Pipestone Creek as we discuss what future may hold

Health wise for selves and others

Llamas around Duck Creek

Old Grey brown hip roofed barn

Marshes with blue green cattails

How landscape changes

From multi-million dollar storage bin yards

To slough like scrub land with dead trees

Canola just coming up

Yellow fields of sprayed out weeds

About a twenty-degree cloudy overcast gloomy day

With big storm clouds to south and east

Ominous looking in front of us

Deer standing at attention beside the road

A lot of Nutrien all over the Province I’d say

As we go through Wadena coming into the Wetlands Corridor

Cattle Country

Mulligan Creek although no golf course in sight

Downpour of rain happening really close by

Many blue roofed home and shed

Must have been a sale

Into the Quill Lakes International Bird Area

Turn at Elfros on the Yellowhead

At Mozart we drove into the rain

Grey, white sheet of rain till Wynyard

See hospital where my sister used to work

Nephew at the co-op there

Lilydale Foods going strong

If go by amount of semis back up

$18.00 grass greens golfing sign

Pretty, pretty course

Big trees down in the graveyard

Maybe from last week’s hundred km winds

Train goes on for km; just sitting; not moving anywhere

Can see the Big Quill Lakes

Can’t remember if a shrimp plant is by the water

My year of seeing crows

Kandahar where a friend’s brother farms

I went there for steak supper once

Much flooded land around Dafoe

Huge herons different than ones I’ve seen before

Grey

Near white coyote

Catch up phone and text messages with grandson

And then with son

As go through Lanigan

Dead deer by Viscount

Lots of dead bush on way to Saskatoon

Planning future trips

We have left the rain behind

Blue sky and fluffy white clouds

Little traffic

Foxtails taking over by the Costco turnoff

Soup and salad when we get home.

            June 28, 2020

Bad mood after two and half hours

Of loud news

And a conversation

About power balancing

Police and blacks

And what matter

Here or in China.

Slept nine to eleven

Make love

Up eleven to four

Read a bit

“Dancing Soul”

Sat on deck

Between three and four

Watched the clouds

Go by

            June 28, 2020

Time to honor and care for myself

            June 29, 2020

Choose Beauty

Start a new life

One moment at a time.

            June 29, 2020

Captured Essence

Wise One Watching

            July 3, 2020

Times in my life had knowing I was okay in the big Oneness of it all.

            July 4, 2020

Living from a place of acceptance

Still working on it

As if woke up and know need to finish Book Four

Pick and choose what out of

See Me Out

Hear Me Out

Red Binder

Goes in

And will know when I’m done

            July 4, 2020

SOUTHWEST DRIVE 2020

About our fifth drive in five months

Gassing up; an RCMP man in yellow striped pants

Do they all have that?

This trip shocking

Hubby was golfing today till he cancelled yesterday

Wants to go to Grasslands

Radio saying major irrigation project in works

For southwestern Saskatchewan

UP to half a million acres

Four point two billion dollars?

For crops like vegetables

Water security for small towns

Potash mines; protection from drought main idea

Whole new upscale acreages west of Saskatoon

New beautiful homes

New and improved highway

This one no longer goes through Vanscoy

Change is constant

Construction halts us

Flag person with a stop sign

Ten-minute stop then ten minutes beside fresh oil

And then onto fresh asphalt

Roses in the ditch

This fourth of July 2020

Radio said pandemic out of control in U.S.A.

First yellow canola crop

Green everywhere else

Harris where I did not see “Pull of the Land”

It’s what I live all the time

Entering Crystal Beach Game preserve

Bird house on the tall fences

See deer as we’re driving by

Wolf willow, sages, grazing cattle

Long grasses undulating

Lush farmyard trees

Four big semis on farm access grid road

Twenty-four degrees and sun

After lots of rain

Major storage around Rosetown

Plane spraying a field

Bathroom stop at Tim Hortons

Beautiful roads with lots of passing lanes

Hardly any cars

In the Bad Hills

Bear Hills to the North

An overturned Bin

Miles and miles of gravel pits on way to Kindersley

First slough I’ve noticed

A hawk and one-foot-high wheat

Oil Well country

Another bout of construction allows us to see daisies

Clover and long grasses that fill the ditches

Didn’t know September goose festival in Kindersley

Heading south

No oil wells pumping

Eatonia has higher crops

First time I’ve seen bathrooms in a cemetery

Gas station attendant gives direction to Great Sand Hills

Didn’t see any masks

On the road again

Hutterite Colony and a gas operation

Surrounds this living land

We are passing through some farmlands

Totally enclosed by trees

Some wide open

Cross the South Saskatchewan River

Passing a combine going up the hill

Turn after Leader

Never been on this road

Oil cars beside a grain elevator

Pass Prelate

Whole Landscape Green except for one yellow field

Nine km to Sceptre

Fifteen murals; wheat sheaf sculpture and a museum

$35.00 for twelve beer; no non- alcohol

Tremendous playground

Hear the meadowlarks as we leave town

Gravel road past oil pumping station

Two antelope loping beside us in the ditch

Six miles to the sand dunes

On the Birding Trail

Two cows, no birds

Eight-ton maximum sign on the road

Huge bull

Lots of sagebrush

More cattle dotting green landscape

Lone farmyard

Cattle guard gate

Cattle at Large

We are in the boonies

Little buck mule deer

Driving on pure sand road

Said OMG when he said “There’s your sand hills”

Thirteen cars

Yellow oriole when we arrive

Roses

Easter Fly Catcher

A local rancher lets me know

A walk up and down the sand dunes

Some pics

Visit with a man from Richmond

Ate our lunch

Cattle look healthy

Calf sucking on its mother

RM of Happyland

Blackbirds chasing a hawk

Baling happening by Fox Valley

Antelope standing on gravel road

Frisky calf on edge of dugout

Twenty-nine degrees with storm clouds to the west

Dropping rain on hilly farmland

SIGN: I love Oil and Gas with a maple leaf

Four horses and a colt

Maple Creek holds record for most rodeos in a summer

Town much more extensive than we thought

Fanciest health facility in Saskatchewan

And here we are at Cypress Hills

What I’d call paradise today

We walk around the lake

Sometimes full sun; sometimes full shade

In the Lodge Pole Pines

Driving south from there and he who loves me says

“Straight out of the wild west”

Scenic hills for grazing

Come out of a valley to all green seeded crop

Two hawks guarding a huge nest on a power pole near Robsart

Vulture just down the road

Saw my first brown-eyed susan

Old Man on his Back

Driving through the Cypress Hills looking like the badlands

Eastend in the middle of it

Did not see T-Rex

Hardly any traffic all day

First oil pumpers going and there’s lots of them

Going to stop in Shaunavon for the night

A fine dining meal on an outside patio

Selection of blues, jazz and country

Long sleep in a comfortable bed

Only two people in the motel

Low points; how tired I am

Still the grief and burning inside

Cry when I read about my friend speaking at her

Eighteen-year-old great nephew’s funeral

In her morning text to me

Wishing them a heartfelt day

Deluxe cream cheese topping on a great cinnamon bun

Cry again thinking how friends there when family could not be

Slept through the storm notifications of tornado warnings

I didn’t hear the rain, thunder and lightning

Woke up singing “Jeremiah was a bullfrog”; all about “joy to the world

All the boys and girls now; Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea

Joy to You and Me.”

Fourteen degrees on this new clear calm day

Pumpers going slow

Inner and outer sacred

Yellows and green fields as far as the land goes

Birds fluttering through the horse back riding

Green and blue valleyed hills

Maple, caragana hedgerows

Poplars and evergreen straight rows

Honey talking non stop

Changes he’s like at the golf course; what he’s been seeing

Fluttering birds

Driven an hour on beautiful roads

Can see at least ten miles in the distance

Every which way

Family of antelope

No humans or cars

Going through the picture-perfect Frenchman Valley

Wonder if they will have to change their name

Like Washington Redskins and Edmonton Eskimos deciding

Used to be about honour and notoriety of names

Climax area where there were ninety bins in one yard

Hear the meadowlarks

See a coyote

Yellow canola fields

Smaller highway leading to Val Marie

Can see the border this fifth of July at 8:32 am

Seventeen degrees

Road patching equipment

Standing water on the highway from last night’s rain

Another huge bin yard

Six birds to a wire

Thick abundant crops

Cow looks constipated

Through whole region here and late yesterday

See a whole field not seeded

Sprayed weeds maybe?

Small patches of black summer fallow

Stubble seeded and just coming up

Lots of bins in yards

A full dugout

First vehicle we’ve seen in seventy km

Some places just been seeded and yet

Some canola just beginning to bloom

Gophers jump to get out of way

Canuck, Bracken, Orkney

Little square bales compared to big, big bins

Green and yellow in all directions

Elevator in the distance

Not seeing combines in yards

Must be custom happening

Towns with one or two families

Many abandoned buildings

Schools, churches, barns, all greyish brown;

Tinges of red

Bob swerving for gophers

Full graveyards in middle of fields

Bouncy puddle filled highway

Sixteen km from border and one hundred fifty

To Speedy Creek

Boarded up houses that look pretty good

Lots of birds; lots of water

In valleys of the hills

One time we stopped here at Val Marie

To get gas before Port of Monchy leaving Canada

Home of Brian Trottier; top one hundred of NHL

Now on way to the Grasslands

Farms seen their better days

Old railway bed

Black cattle – Angus?

Back to farmland and bins again

Birds all over

Swallows and blackbirds

Mostly wheat and barley

All greens – smells good

Talk of bringing an environmentalist out here

By the scruff of the neck and show them oxygen

Going into the air and if they need a second opinion

To go to LaRonge with all the trees doing the same

Birds now; thirty to forty at a time

Five km to Ecotour National Park

On gravel road and end of farmland

Cattle gate entrance

Gopher standing at attention

As if up on top of a mesa

Huge rock in the grasses over and over

Another cattle gate and some crop

Sixty km hr sign due to bison

Huge rodent population

Have the place to ourselves

Dip into the valley

Barn swallows and lots of bird sounds

Ring-necked peasant crosses road

Twenty km an hour

Ten kayaks by a creek

Just leaving for a four-hour trek

Idea to read my writings to anyone who wants to listen

Take a picture of “”Prairie Dog Adventure Tours”

Maybe a future idea?

Can’t believe the size of the gophers

“A long way from nothing,” Bob says

Old homesteads in park

Prairie beginning to bloom

White flowers, brown-eyes susans

Purple sow thistle, chamomile

Yellow and purple clover being swathed

Wee little deer in the ditch

Feruginous hawk on a post

Thanks to the visitor’s guide

Three more same hawks in a row

Nineteen horses standing in meadow type field

Two Trees day use area

Stock at large

One car sitting

We get out to go for a walk

Don’t get far and twenty-five to thirty-year old guy

Yelps in fear and then yelling

“Biggest snake I ever saw”

Had me putting my runners on

Instead of the sandals I had

Two and a half hours in the park

No bison to be seen

Yellow headed blackbird

Narrow little highway as we leave this place

Fat cows; contented cows

Laying in grass

Hilly grassland both sides of road

Mule deer jumps a fence

Calf off by itself

Then a herd with pink tags in their ears

Price tags I remember my nephew calling them

When he was five

Over a hill

Square of water in the distance

Or is it a flax field

Will never know as turned towards

Mankota instead of Ponteix

Deer turns a three sixty in a sec

In the grass beside me

Unique looking rocks on stony land

Biggest meadowlark I’ve ever seen

Such good roads for no traffic

Blue flax field totally glorious
Purple alfalfa

Then unexplainable stubble

Lilacs are all finished

Lots of closed down building in Mankota

If the building could talk

Stockyards, Rancher’s Nook

Public Cemetery

Neatest is not knowing what we’ll see next!

Headed north into more fields and farmlands

More yellows; still the birds

White, hip-roofed barn no longer in use

Best crops we’ve seen

Two-foot barley; no weeds

Peas, lentils, wheat

Bright, bright yellow and then purple alfalfa

Then a few sections of lowland

Turn at Kincaid on to highway #13

Blue sky; bright sun

Makes canola so bright yellow it’s mind boggling

One place had different colored bins

Beige????

Can’t say Saskatchewan is boring

Meyronne, Woodrow, Lafleche first time ever

Big Catholic cemetery

Thompson Lake visit with a niece and her fiancé

Soon to be husband and they saw a tornade night before

Chicken wings, salad and a great visit

On the golf patio

Saw marshalling in action

Gravelbourg; big convent and Catholic church

College D’St. Mathieu

As we head north towards home

Herd of deer in wheat field

Mostly yellow surrounding us

Yellow and black flycatcher

Feruginous hawk and darting swallows

Brake for an antelope

Whole trip have not seen one magpie

Coyote slinking through a grassy field

Five donkeys in a farmyard

Huge mountain of salt

In front of us as we travel a grid road

Between grazing land with

Chaplin lake on each side

Pale aqua green colored water

Salt shape of a machine shed

Twenty times bigger

Processing plant beside Highway # 1

We cross and continue north after gassing up

I see an article on face book where artists

Are seen the the most non-essential of workers

Suggestion to go online

Through Centre Butte

Where the two of us stayed in a slanted roofed room

Only ones in the hotel that time

Owner gave us the keys

On another adventure time of ours

Now heading towards Elbow

Fields are yellow, yellow and green, green

Each side of the road as far as we can see

Very little bush

Blue sky with fluffy white clouds

212,000 new Covid cases in the world in last twenty-four hours

As we travel through Douglas Provincial Park

Diefenbaker Lake to the left

Tour the Elbow Harbour Recreational Site

Marina full of sailboats, houseboats, motorboats

Four-thirty pm on Sunday and most boats in safe harbour

Go to the Lakeside RV sales office

Seeing purple sow thistle all over in full bloom

Used to be my definition of beauty

After a raging storm

Looked at RV Lots for sale

$34,000 – $54,500.00

Heading home for Saskatoon

Loreburn, Strongfield, Hawarden

One hundred and twenty eight km to home

Half an hour from home see our first bison herd

They laying down enjoying the sun

On this road where earlier this spring

I saw the mountain bluebird

Huge hotel beside Dakota Dunes Casino and Golf Course

Peace Point has new homes and acreages just before Beaver Creek

Beautiful drive

Trees are gorgeous

Crossmount now surrounded by acreages

Willows is changing to make more condos

One hour and twenty minutes to

What could be a new life?

            July 5, 2020

Light and darkness here today

How it is

An all nightery

Awake all night

No idea why

Not even thinking

Over a thousand miles of beauty

And kindness and caring

Bob loved the getting away

I it all and still the grief

The heart hurting

Sorrow and transformation

Only wet on the left side of my t-shirt

Soaked when I wake up

Maybe anger and bitterness leaving

Acceptance

Having my tea

Made my coffee

Living from Source

            July 6, 2020

ALL NIGHTER

No sleep after that major extreme

Two days of beautiful nature

Contemplate a whole new life style

Left me sleepless all night

Move on from who I was

Others seeing how bad it gets

I am seeing how bad it gets

Heart ful

Speaking the deep

            July 7, 2020

Decisions

Do nothing

Stay home

Glad wrote all I wrote

A suggestion I reread Owl Journal

Sister too busy to talk

My daughter says come there

Question is covid in Saskatoon

Question is covid in Alberta

Any point in knowing

If either of us ever had it

Get blood tests this year?

Burned myself yesterday

Golfing and lunch in the sun

11:30 – 4:00

Told my terror moments

What’s your story?

Some say don’t have one

I want an end to the ringing

Top of my head

Check with woman who wrote

“Dancing with the Soul?”

Stay home?

Birding; song I love

Take computer back to Geek Squad?

Grandson get phone working?

Cancel how many golf?

            July 8, 2020

Spent most of yesterday with grandson

Beautiful experience

What I love seeing

Is how he stands up

To my beliefs

In a kind way

Corrects me when I’m wrong

Non-shaming

Tells me things

He’s done wrong

Moving on

He fixed my phone

He was able to “Hard reset”

Have an apple I phone too

Can’t get it going

Bob thought gunshots during night

Grandson thinks car backfiring

Neighbors say fireworks

“Hills of Grass” by Carolyn McDadade

Song in my head

“Broken and unbroken of the land

Broken and unbroken of my life.

Times I reach, times I refrain.”

Pockets of disturbance

Some more obtuse

Others deep

On left side

Others merging with right

Forebears brought us on

Some say we spin our own web

“time to leave place where hatred breed”

From Carolyn McDade’s song, “There Is A Time”

Sitting by my basement window

Cabin at the lake feeling

Love it

My Window table

Sacred: past, present and future on it

Honouring our past

The light and the dark; sun and the moon

Future of friends; singing, walking

Grandchildren and children

Anger as if I’m not there for them

What shall I sort

What is my upper room about

Brings tears

Connected to the spiritual past

Of the old heaven on high

As I sort

The beauty of the land

In my every moment.

            July 9, 2020

Another weird night

Call from Songs4Nature

Always felt I would be in

Will stay home for first night

And go to Edmonton tomorrow.

            July 9, 2020

How life changes

As I sit in a park

After zoom singing

After yoga breathing

My best buy meeting

End of a touch screen

Why my computer was jumping all over

Kids staying in touch with me

Heal myself and Bio

Sent to Songs4Nature

Private face book group

More people dying

Others beginning new dreams

I will be on Zoom tonight

With twenty-five

At Song writing Camp.

            July 9, 2020

MY DREAM TREE

            I had a dream tree; living on the land; it’s roots quite deep into the earth. Standing at the hub of the hill providing me with shade in the summer. I could lay underneath in the tall prairie grass; sinking into that grass that someone could walk close by and not see me.  I could lay underneath listening to the leaves rustling in the breezes making a new tinkling sound and every so often a bird might be there looking eye to eye as I studied the trunk and branches what seemed so high in the sky; near touching those white fluffy clouds on blue.

            July 9, 2020

MY ORIGINAL LANDSCAPE

Long grass

Poplar leaves rustling

Willow tree houses

Smell of the dirt

Sloughs

Flowers dot the ditches

Honey suckle, sweet pea, crocus

And brown eyed susan

Magpies

Ducks with their babies

Ice on the dugout

Cool, crisp air

Fresh milk, kitties mewing

Pigs snuffling

Chickens pecking

Sporty, our dog moving in and around wherever I walked

Crackling of dry grass as I stepped bare feet

Freezing cold walk to the outhouse

Stepping in the boot holes of the path through the snow

Carrying the sheets into the house

Frozen boards

Fresh air smell of the wind.

            July 9, 2020

OUR NATURAL WORLD

Made it halfway through the night with my five-year-old granddaughter

Left the tent at two a.m.; we sat and watched the stars

We continued on next day with a walk around the lake

Five little ducks and their mother; Clover made a nice bouquet

Rode our bikes and took a hike; breathed in the freshest air

Lay down upon the grass; watched the clouds floating by

Heard the chirping and the tweets, whistled with a piece of grass

The rustling of the leaves, saw the water in our path.

Our natural world, our natural world, our natural world, our natural world.

Bunnies come by here; Gulls circle as do hawks

Daisies pop upon the scene; foxtail and brome grass

Saw the oats for our oatmeal as she gathered mustard seeds

Smelt this earth we walk upon; the universe I am a part.

The world quietens all around as we listen to the frogs

Evening hush; nighttime sounds; Star lights dripping down.

We’re so connected to all that is as we go our separate ways

Thankfulness and gratitude, we had songs to sing

Our natural world, our natural world, our natural world, our natural world.

Even with tornado days; rain, cloud, sun and wind

Peace comes to me again as we share the world I love

Peace comes to me again as I share the natural world

Appreciating what I have; Sharing with all I love.

Our natural world, our natural world, our natural world, our natural world.

            July 13, 2020

TRIUMPH

            I am here and I am triumphant compared to last week’s down and out sorrow, pain and grief. Loss had me in its grip. My drives and walks in nature did not seem to make a difference. The letting go of emotion did.

            It was odd to be in heartfelt physical pain and yet have words like triumph and gratefulness, gratitude and kindness be in my head. Joy and comfort; compassion for myself and wanting to move on and not knowing how.

            A paradox of mixed emotion and wondering if it would ever end. Moving to a new place physically where vibrations matched; frequencies melded also made a difference.

            Hearing the words of our ancestors through song, family, reading and those being mirrored in my new learning opportunities.

            With nature the background; the Oneness of All, always been, is and will be as we care for ourselves, it and each other.

            July 14, 2020

PERSPECTIVE

            How life can change. I started listening to the song writing group facilitators at a table in the dining room. My sister enters the room saying, “tornado watch” as she runs from window to window stepping outside. Back in; saying, “still here,” and “Kind of green.”

            I choose to move downstairs. Twelve weeks ago, today her sixty-one-year-old husband went to bed with her. Two hours later he died of a heart attack. I am here with her first time since then. How life changes.

            From every perspective. And yet it goes on. I can see the clouds, the sky, the trees, the stillness and yet hear the rumble; don’t know what is happening on the other side of the house. This window gives me only one perspective. I am content to sit in the silence; inside myself; this house; my life.

            July 16, 2020

A NEW IDEA

Checking out a new idea

Twenty-five degrees at ten a.m.

This late July summer day

More vehicles all the time

Construction five minutes out of the city

Sixty km an hour

Lets us enjoy the scenery

Wild and unbroken land

Does something for me

Baling complete in one field

New acreages surrounded by white plastic fences

Yellow and green fields to be seen

As we travel past Aberdeen

Millenium Cross between

Fish Creek Road and Bayda Lane

The Valley of Alvena

Groves of poplar trees

Dot the landscape

Barley, oats, canola and flax

Wheat and canola out of bloom

Fox tail and wolf willow

Cattails hugging the sloughs

Wakaw and then Wakaw Lake Regional Park

Walk about and a lunch

Deep Woods RV Campground

Sites with a playground

            July 23, 2020

I AM OUT (WISEONEONS)

Little Puppy Paddling Away

BE YOU D

Having Money A Great Equalizer

Silence is a Response

Walk in the Wind: Wise One Ahead

Ready to Roar Like A Duck

Free to BE ME taking others needs into consideration

Living Free with Others

Can Run Wild caring for self and others

Being Kind

Laugh and Cry; Be ok with either

We Are The Change

BE

Every Moment A New Beginning

When Women Stand Up I Shall Listen

Cracking Open; Time To Receive

Step In To The Pool Of Love

Gremlins Here Laughing: So old Before They Go

Rising Slowly

Baby Tiger Here

Coming Together

Next Stage of Creating

Living From A Place of Acceptance

Wisdom Out There For Everyone in Their Every Moment

Clawing My Way to Top of This Mountain

Wise One Attending

We All Come From One

Becoming One

Standing Strong

I Am Out

All A Blurr Feeling; This Moment Beautiful

Getting Ready to Merge

Crying Giraffe

Captured Essence: Wise One Watching

Change is Constant

Living from Source

Heartful; Speaking the Deep

Pockets of Disturbance, Some More Obtuse

Others Deep on Left Side, Others Merging with Right

The Beauty of the Land in My Every Moment

Truly Great

Our Natural World

Coming Through; Light Inside

Riches Inside

All Connected

It’s All Here

May 16, 2020 – August 5, 2020

Creating New Moments

Crapshoot

            Snuffling pig surfaces

Strong WoMan

            Carrying Golden Wisdom

                        Dissolving Ashes

                                    Of the Past

We Are Spirit

I am Enough

Be A Friend

            August 6-12, 2020

DEEP DOWN INSIDE

            (Division that separates Me & All that are not at peace)

I went down down down to the deep well inside me

I had no idea what I would find

A lot of pain stored in my body

Fear coming forth releasing my mind

No more thoughts about tomorrow

And to my door came a friend

She spoke of her love and sorry

As her family have lost three friends

I will keep my joy and sorrow

Be there to hear as my heart mends

Keep keeping on as new wings (winds) gather

Inside my body and here I am

Yes here I am answering a phone call

Yes a phone call came from a friend

I have pain in my body; others in their heart and mind

And through it all we are all hoping to find

Resolution for a heart sick body

Shouldering the pain of the world

Honoring those who went before me

Who left me here without words

They did their best as I’ve been doing

Cried many tears wringing their hands

Wanted the best for their children

And all the people of the land

Unsure what to do to make it easy

For myself or others or the little ones

Keep keeping on choosing beauty

Continue on being a friend.

            August 5, 7 and 12, 2020

A                      PART

Way down deep; so deep inside me

Is a part of me I don’t like

The one that needs so much attention

Who doesn’t seem to get it right

I want the best for all the others

And know I deserve it for myself

So have some hope I’ll find the answers

And not just sit on the shelf

Inside this shell is a person

Who cares about life; loves every one

Keeps keeping on as she’s certain

There’s enough love for everyone

Feels it in the stars right here beside me

The ones around each morning’s bend

Always there ever after

It’s what I have inside me again

We’re all connected to each other

And to the creatures who crawl, swim and fly

Give up the one impressing others

Do what for me only is right

            August 13, 2020

RESOLUTION

Resolution

Moving through the separateness

The divisions that separate

From the core inside

Hold on; feel the life blood of my mother

Connected to our mother earth

The land; sea; the sky

All that’s been, is will be with me until the day I die

I so want to give my body

What it deserves as my heart mends

We can express the joy and sorrow

The pain, the bitterness and move beyond.

            August 13, 2020

END OF JOURNAL NUMBER 130

Find the laugher

            As I had the tears

Moving on

            Leaving the years

Live in the moment

            Be at peace

Reaching others

            As they release

No need to take

            Any thing on

I am living

            My life song

Listen and let live

            And die.

                        August 16, 2020

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