2020
The best of the best in me
Provide for all to See
As I live my life
Inside and outside of me
January 6, 2020
Knowing
More
Under the Surface
Living
Sometimes high
Sometimes low
Peaking out
I cry
My disappointment
Fuzzy
Unclear
Focus on what?
Icing
On a cake
How I’m living
Quietly
Enjoy
Whatever I’m doing
Speaking out
Best I can
What I know
A person
Standing tall
Part of the World
Unloading
The Burdens
Of Others
Comfortable
Living
In My Light
On Edge
Wondering
How I’ll Do
January 27-31/2020 week following Hawaii
- Maybe
Step Lightly
Old Fear
Releasing
Fun
In the Sun
An Adventure
Sharing
The Shadows
And the Light
Reaching Inside
Crack the Layers
Sing Out Love
Dreaming
Settling
Sustain
Saying good-bye
To planning
Figuring it out
Near transparent
Telling it
Like it is
Live in The Moment
Live and Be
Free to Be Me
First glance
Sometimes wrong
Take my time
Crestfallen
Surface Hurt
Only
Unseen
Still There
Under the Surface
Thoughts
Interwoven with
Sludge of The Past
Miniscule Leavings
Magical Moments
Eternal Essence
February 1-7, 2020
Dark sky
Full Moon
Through the palm trees
Six am
As I step
Into warm water
Of the pool
In total gratitude
I want to share
Rush
Grab my camera
Not a photographer
I tried to share
Guess I just did
In my own way
February 8, 2020
- Open
Trampling along
Fresh Insights
May Appear
Chrysalis
Opening
To the World
Treat me nice
Transient
As a leaf
Living
Listening
Loving
Songs for the Soul
Singing the Sacred
In the Sunshine
Be Who I Am
Be How I Am
Be All I Am
Wondering which way to go
When will I get there
I am there
There is no beyond
We are all
Eternity
Cracking
Through Layers
Lightening up
There is Light
In Darkness
Dreaming
Old Soul
Ready to Move
A Head
Sitting in Abundance here
Nothing to Strive For
Enjoy This Moment
Cracking Up
Universe Out There
In Me
A spark of daylight
Melting the Ice
Around my heart.
February 8-14, 2020
- Hesitant
Creating
Using the Old
As It Melts
Continue to find
What Brings Joy
Love
Eyes Open
Hesitant to Speak
Or Act
Coming Out
Of the Woodwork
Of My Home
Glistening
Granted a wish
Alive and well
Lots to Say
How to Say It
To Who
Layer upon layer
Inside Beautiful
Realize
Tread Softly
Making A Difference
Being Me
February 15-21. 2020
- Treatise
Opening
To The Radiance
In and Around
Shadow
Mostly Present
And Awake
Head Up
Leave Past Behind
Illuminate
Oh the Things To Do
Listen Inside
The Light Within
Clouding Over
Triumph Lost
Tethering
February 22-28, 2020
WE ARE THE CHANGE
When we don’t know why we’re living what we’re living
When we don’t know what to do
Let’s have faith answers will appear
In a way for us that’s new
Outer space this life we’re living, our inner space it doesn’t change
It’s where we are all connected, we can bring forth the change We are the change
Scary days we’ve had and are having
Glad we’ve had the times when we were down
Something new that throws us off kilter
Takes some time to get our feet back on the ground.
Outer space this life we’re living, our inner space it doesn’t change
It’s where we are all connected, we can bring forth the change We are the change
When we don’t know where we’ve been or where we’re going
And all seems out of control
We can learn to live in the moment And, keep keeping on
Outer space this life we’re living, our inner space it doesn’t change
It’s where we are all connected, we can bring forth the change We are the change
So much love and all of it available as we take the time to let out the pain
Living here we will be ever after We’re taking time to reframe
Outer space this life we’re living, our inner space it doesn’t change
It’s where we are all connected, we can bring forth the change We are the change
Repeat last line……………. March 5, 2020
- Sandwiched
A New Born
Day
Me Being Open
Sunny Sky
Dark Sky
The End Is Coming
Outer Space I’m living
Inner Space the same
Sandwiched in Between
Rivulets
Dancing
Dreaming Inside
In The Depths
Beauty
Am I
Reflects
Present Moment
Being
Leaping Up
Whispering
Listening
February 29-March 6, 2020
WE ARE THE CHANGE
When we don’t know why we’re living what we’re living
When we don’t know what to do
Let’s have faith answers will appear
In a way for us that’s new
Outer space this life we’re living, our inner space it doesn’t change
It’s where we are all connected, we can bring forth the change We are the change
Scary days we’ve had and are having
Glad we’ve had the times when we were down
Something new that throws us off kilter
Takes some time to get our feet back on the ground.
Outer space this life we’re living, our inner space it doesn’t change
It’s where we are all connected, we can bring forth the change We are the change
When we don’t know where we’ve been or where we’re going
And all seems out of control
We can learn to live in the moment And, keep keeping on
Outer space this life we’re living, our inner space it doesn’t change
It’s where we are all connected, we can bring forth the change We are the change
So much love and all of it available as we take the time to let out the pain
Living here we will be ever after We’re taking time to reframe
Outer space this life we’re living, our inner space it doesn’t change
It’s where we are all connected, we can bring forth the change We are the change
Repeat last line……………. March 5, 2020
I have enough
All I need
As I wait
To super cede
I come
To the place
Of rest.
March 6, 2020
(same tune as Being Kind, Kind is Love, Love is Kind, Being Kind;
Being Kind, Kind is Love, Being Kind) December 2017
Life’s Happenin’
There we were up all night sitting in ER
Never dreampt this journey’d have Us ending here
Best thing to happen; we were not shuffled off
Now it can come clear
“Life happens when we’re busy making other plans”
Said Mister Alan Saunders in 1957
John Lennon’s song used that quote
I’ll do similar to what a great one wrote
Maybe when all the testing’s done
We might know where we’re at
Will we start planning again
Or will we play catch up
Cause life’s happening’ when we’re busy
Making other plans
Give up the need for control
Now meet new life demands
Living unknown uncertainty
Basics appreciate
A warm blanket, a kind word
Time to meditate
Gratitude for this day
This hour moments few
Unexpected gives us time
Do a life review
Cause life’s happenin’ when we’re busy
Making other plans
I’ll take the time to enjoy
Wherever this new ball lands
Cause life’s happenin’ when we’re busy
Making other plans
I’ll take the time to enjoy
Where ever a new ball lands.
March 9-13, 2020
- Fear
Cringing
What’s next
Dream On
Watching
Wondering
From Afar
Simmering
Spontaneity
Jumps Out
Ideas
Forming
And Transforming
Simply
Beautiful
Bubbling Effervescence
Retrospection
Bursting
Forth
In the Shadows
Wondering
What’s Ahead
Keeping Calm
Settled In
Growing Moments
March 7-13, 2020
I HAVE ENOUGH
I have enough
All I need
As I wait
To supersede
I come
To the place
Of rest
March 6, 2020
- Unfolding
Grouchy
Not enough sleep
Suffering
Greening
Source
Unknown
Desperate
Newness
Fleeting
Release Emotion
To Who
When
Precision
Dancing
In the Wilderness
Roaring Ahead
An Angel
Still Scared
What to do
Unfolding
Love
Quivering
Age Old
Wisdom
March 14-20, 2020
ISOLATION
Fear in their eyes; not wanting to hear
Carrying a message and they want out of here
Listen in the darkness; bring it to the light
It doesn’t really matter; a superficial fight
Rising up O listen is what inside me said
It used to be the feeling they wished that I was dead
Where is it all going; experiences do end
Life lessons matter but who do you send
Stuff that got stuck; not processed at the time
Well listen inside and you will be just fine
Important to release the sad, the mad, the glad
Even if no one hears it; let out the bad
It’s you behind the scenes; one who really knows
Who till now was silent; fighting off clinging foes
Cause deep down inside when pure love glows
Are all your answers when you need it most
If we can remember we are not alone
Everyone is searching on their journey home
Give up and listen; inside everyone
Pure love glistens; find it in the s*n
Is it son or is it sun; as I question every thing
Keep on observing this musical ring
Living in the moment as things come to pass
Staying connected as nothing lasts
It’s all out there; Pure energy
And it’s inside of me trying to be free
I know you are hearing I no longer feel alone
I’m the one whose seeing; whose questioning home
Pure Energy, what a blast
Pure Energy, Home at Last
No more Isolation; Home at Last
No more Isolation; It’s Come to Pass.
March 23, 2020
Remember my tools
Breathe In Breath Out
Freshen up
Fresh air
Walk the earth
Lay on it
Search the Sky or Not
Fall Asleep
Lay On The Grass
Come Inside
Do Yoga
Meditate
Hundreds of Relaxation ways
Being offered on the Internet
Music sustains
Grounds, lifts
Carries me like the wind
To a new place
Organize or bake
Cook a great meal
Plan a time ahead
A party
I learn lots
Where I’m at
When I plan a party
My Tools are my touchstones of love
Things people have given me
Memories of Happy Times
Heart Connection
Beauty of a Sunrise
I have photographs
Have time to organize
Do I need to
Others may enjoy
When I’m gone
I like to read
More than I write
Not happening lately
Have to honour that
As I enjoy this new Life
That is Here
In the Present
I get it
A gift
This Present Time
A Moment
To Remember
My Life on Display
Today.
March 25, 2020 (Seven Minute Writing)
What I saw today
Was a half brown bunny
And a sunrise not how I thought it would be
Then I came home from my walk
Saw a wound gaping as the bandage came off
Had to be dealt with and it was
I had to stay in the parking lot
Time to think but mostly
Time to distract myself
As I do
So I don’t have to think
Not sure where this is going
And no one else
In the world does either
But I am enjoying this moment
I can breathe
And isn’t that what I’ve wanted
My whole Life
To Live In the Moment
So What To Do With All This Writing
Time to Share
In the Ways That Are Comfortable
I have much to offer
And finding platforms to do it
That are being freely offered
And I can do the same
Maybe this is the Pay It Forward Time of my life
As I speak out, sing or share in new ways
All I want to say or not
I have choice
It’s OK to BE
Relaxed Restored Rejuvenating Time as I enjoy
This time of sharing with so many in the world
A new and different way of dealing with fear
Isolation
Love and creativity
Has come to the Fore
And as I write this
A green light
Appears on my Paper
Heart Light
The inner me is here now
March 25, 2020 (Five-minute writing)
I am in love
With my home
With the open doorway
To the sunrise each morning
The deck where I can see the stars
Or the Northern Lights I am waiting for
The open concept where natural light
Comes in from every direction
I can look north and see the trees
Planted by neighbors
The North Star
Big Dipper at nights
Screen door opens on each side of house
Fresh air fills my home
I am in love with sunshine year round
Or a Cloudy Day is fine too
Snow and Blowing snow Yesterday
Didn’t bother me a bit
Was happy to be here
Inside with My Loved One
Giving me pleasure
My House
As the Quiet Suits me
Cleaning it in last while
Has been a pleasure
As I contemplate
The Past
The Now
The Future
March 25, 2020 (five-minute writing)
SPRING DRIVE
Bare trees
Flooded road
Snow in the distance
Water laying around
Few people walking
Biking
River water
Snow covered golf course
Sun’s warmth
First pothole
Dusty intersection
Dirty cars
West end Saskatoon
So much new
Called South Kensington
This three-degree end of March afternoon
In the country now
A new mosque
Emergency alert
On my phone
Fourteen-day isolation
If come from a foreign land
More C-19 cases in U.S.
Huge hawk
Sentinel on post
A crow and four magpies
Too early for pussy willows
A big raven
A pot plant
Big Time Gates
And now
North end of City
All new buildings
All look closed
No cars around
Not much traffic
This 4:45 pm
Liquor Store has cars
March 27, 2020
- Scattering
Transient
My Life
Circle
The Bear
Inside
Is Sad
Alien
Crying Our
For Attention
Who and what
Is Family
All
Deepness
Breaking Up
Scattering
If we all die
We will be fine
I declare
Who
Is
I
Freaked Out
Inside
Dissipating
March 21-27, 2020
Good Monday Morning
Sweet One
Caring for my little ones
Inside Me Again
Dream On Awaits
As I Deal with what’s here
And I Will
If it takes another year
Catching me unawares
Thought I had it made
And it comes up to get me
To listen so it fades
The deeper I go
The more it flows
Keep on listening
Let it grow.
March 30, 2020
HE HAD A DAY
He had a day yesterday
Bounce in his step
Twinkle in his eye
Laugh with a friend
Joking and serious
Listening outside himself
Walked outside alone
Chest x-ray this morning
Talking it through
What may or may not happen
Phoning his doctor
Get a plan going forward
March 30, 2020
- Unchartered
Swimming
Out to Sea
Eyes Open
Swimming
Underwater
One Eye Open
Out
In The Open
Tenuous
Old
Peaking In
Is It Safe
A New Day
Anything
Can Happen
I AM
Separate & Apart
Dissolving
Tired
Going Back
To Source
March 28 – April 2, 2020
THE CRACK
There’s a crack in here
Not sure what I’m wanting
Caring what I do
As I wait for You
Leaving us out
Is hard to do
Giving up ourselves
Don’t know for who
Or what will come
Or what will be left
Let go of my thoughts
And what is left
Coming from inside
It’s way deep down
At least right now
Don’t feel I will drown
There’s a little bit stuck
Scared to speak out
Wanting there to be
No more doubt
It may not happen
I’m new to this
Wanted to be certain
There’d be bliss
I know not what
I think it’s time
Give it a whirl
Nothing has to rhyme
Say what I want
Kindness prevail
Give up at last
My not wanting to fail
Okay to be different.
April 5, 2020
Clear and cold
Not wanting to walk
Have coffee instead
Will it bite me in the butt?
Future ramifications
My two cups of coffee a day
Alcohol
One drink a day
Which is worse
Coffee or the drink
Bone loss an issue
What will change?
Only I can
When?
No tests this year
If world crisis
For two years
How do I want to live?
Go for a long walk
Processing all the time
Been here before
Not sure what to do
Vulnerable
All that’s been
In the forefront
Grieving
Missing kids
Grandkids
Write more
Pay so others read
Hanging onto my writing
Like desperate
My first recognition
Grade six Remembrance Day essay
Is that correct?
“Know Thyself” is what I live
More so than “To Thine Own Self Be True”
What self?
Writer is what self?
(Pen quit)
DONE
April 5, 2020
Life Listening
Life listening instead of speaking
Car Idling
A car idling on its way to fishing
House Discovering
My house listing discovering writing
April 5, 2020
Been up an hour
World in white
Two snow dumps and a skiff
On the weekend
And I am in memory
Of frustration growing up
Too many kids
So much work
Always on overwhelm
Not enough money
Trying to do homework
Wanting something better
Someone to love
Someone who’d love me
Notice
Care
Crack open again
Is happening
Braver all the time
Putting so much on fb
Now others urging me on
Put on a song; a gospel song
A children’s song
An Irish song
I have things to do
Shop, journal, meditation
Card to a friend
Fix the printer
Write out poems
Income tax
Send chapter three to the website
Up during the night
Reading everything
About anger at a mate
Frustration
Pissed off
That probably fit the most
Challenging for him
Working with money
I hear my derision
How much we spent
What is in safety deposit box
It doesn’t have to be this hard
Want to show my way of doing it
Why am I putting off things
Money
Hardest thing first
A new Credit card
Have to go out and use
During the stay at home
Not a lockdown yet
SUMMER WILL COME
Add an obituary for each
I keep saying I’m new to this
I’m not
I’ve carried you inside
In Denial
Denying You
An aspect of Me
I’m saying hi
And you can stay as long as you need
Till you fade away
April 6, 2020
Leaving in a snow storm
Bring out my broom
Woman with a broom
Clear a path
Down the driveway
Yesterday my outfit
Black and white polka dot dress
I said Sunday go to Meeting dress
My church in my every moment
Others saying feeding the chickens
Hutterite
Today much the same
Cross out of my area
Into Stonebridge
Seven am by the Walmart Parking lot
Forty-two cars in parking lot
During this stay at home time
The staff ones on the side
Three shopping carts in the snow drifts
As I walk around the lake
Birding
Seagulls with black-tipped wings
One lone goose in middle of slough
Thought they mate for life
Where’s the other one
See all the clumps of seagulls
On the ice
Then a man and a dog
Step out from the bluff
Sad I’m scared of the man
Not the German Shepard
He says sorry
How Canadian
And hear my hubby say
Be careful walking alone
Now down the road
I can’t find the address
I wanted to drop off a card
In a mailbox
Saying this time
Everyday like a holiday
Like Christmas
We don’t know what to expect
Oh well
Got a good walk
Head to Shoppers
For a new journal
Choose indigo colored cover
Clarity needed
Social Distancing inside
Guy in front of me
And cashier
Wearing masks
Walk home a new way
Drop my gloves without knowing it
As I score a protein bar
From my bag
Man coming toward me
Calls out “ma’am”
And I have them again
Much gratitude given
As I move my two meters away from him
See pairs of geese as I go by the park
Wonder where the gay goose went
Or is she or he single/widow/widower
As I walk
Under the huge four-line power poles
In what has become a prairie blizzard
Will I get excess energy
I don’t hear them buzzing
Like the ones in Arizona
Or like the zinging going on in my head
City put up signs
Don’t cross bridge till empty
Can’t see the other person
Till you are way on to the bridge
Everyone trying their best
Will a two-hour walk
Improve my mood
What part shall I use
For a comedy routine
Is it time
To contact Elton John
Or the woman who wrote the song
About manic depression
Those were the thoughts
As I started my walk
Had others about who I know in Stonebridge
Could adopt them since I can’t see
My kids; my grandbabies
Can I say that or I’m only to say
Uplifting things says some
Gramma can have kids for a month
When this is over
Says a tired mom
Worked at sorting again
Made a quiche
Great roast beef supper
Sent facebook flowers
Connected with the people
Who made comments
April 6, 2020
New idea
Poetry
On my website
Put on a chapter
When I want
Making a book
Each day
Look at a picture
Write three lines
End of week
A chapter
Don’t know how it will end
Yesterday snowing
My three lines
Summer
Will
Come
Put on face book
April 7, 2020
Slept all night
First time in months
Put a kids song on fb
Comfortable in my own home
Talking about my right now reality.
April 7, 2020
Clowning
Around
One Eye Open
April 7, 2020
Sitting in parking lot
The doctor’s waiting room
I can’t go in
Look at my notes
Sometimes I go overboard
People comment
On my writing
Haven’t read it
Suggest next move
Still wanting understanding
Think of our lives
No knowing what’s next
Pants aren’t on inside out
Like last time
Things are better
E-book on Amazon
Kind of amazing in itself
Paid good money for it
Money ideas
Someone said donate button
Like a tip jar
Direct ask was best
Yoga
Second time since February
Why?
April 7, 2020
1:30 in the morning
Just so tired of it all
The not sleeping
Seeing the unhappiness
Or is it feeling the unhappiness
Of us all
Or is it only inside of me
Everyone wanting something
All seems so hard
Printer fiasco
Two hours of frustration
Not there for grandson
Show me the way
Is what I sense
Others asking
I show myself
And I don’t see them again
The tension
Fear in my muscles
All down the left side
Girl in me
April 8, 2020
End of my 128th Journal
End of My Owl Journal
January 12, 2020 – April l8, 2020
Am I satisfied?
What do I need?
Where are the face book hearts?
April 8, 2020
Losing a Friend
Gone
Still Bothering Me
April 8, 2020
As in Life
Much easier to walk when there’s a destination
Today you are mine I say to a friend on a card for her mailbox.
April 8, 2020
Hiding
In Retrospect
Hurting
April 8, 2020
Last Night’s Crying
Last night’s crying over couples not getting along
April 8, 2020
- GLIMPSE
Sinking
Enveloped
By Love
Transparent
Truth
Be Known
Summer
Will
Come
Clowning
Around
One Eye Open
Hiding
In Retrospect
Hurting
Another
Mountain Emerging
From the Calm Pool
Am I done?
Backwards Forwards
Drifting
April 4-10, 2020
GOOD FRIDAY WALK
Crow and geese
Greet me
As I leave
Brown bird buzzing
Don’t know its name
Murmuration of birds
A lot less snow
Walk to the sunrise
Pink blue orange yellow
Disappears in five minutes
Into cloud cover
This 6:20 a.m.
My porridge settling
Pair of geese on the marsh
Could pick bottles
Like springs of my youth
Tim Hortons cups
Beside the freeway
Highway 16
Highway of Tears?
Or connected to it
Sociologist
Criminologist
Or a picturologist
Showing society to itself
Redwing blackbird
Only can’t see the red
Where are my binoculars
Walking by condos and concrete
Sixteen to each one
Or maybe apartments
Now thirty-four new homes on left
And then even bigger
Three more square boxes of homes
In Stonebridge
Two Hotels
Shopping centres of no people
Businesses shut down
Liquor store truck being unloaded
Walmart had people
Knee hurts
Inflexibility
Or walking icy sidewalks
No birds here
A moment of sun
And a pidgeon
One rabbit white
One mostly brown
As I get lost in a park
Behind million-dollar homes
A stained-glass Easter window
Every color hearts
In another
During this Covid 19
Wake up
Birds are
Walk by the Chief Whitecap School
Connected to a Catholic one
Sharing a school
Bench to sit
And stare at the Community Entrance
No longer feel the shame
Each time I see a Catholic anything
On my way
Past more condos
As I decide
Do I phone my hubby
To come give me a ride
See a Robin
Stop
Eight robins
A Lady Statue
In a seating area
Between two condos
Hour and a half into my walk
Do I go home or into the country
Choose the country
Plump, plump robins
Five in one tree
Wellman crescent
Across from where I played
Piano for seniors last year
A seagull
On this ancient sea
A train crossing the track
Separates me from country
Unbroken grass
Turn for home
Bus stop in the new
Business park neighborhood
No sidewalks
Not for people walking
Tim Horton cups on the group
Line ups there
A hockey great
Wonder how hockey business
Fares during our crisis
Back to a favorite
Birding area
Can hear the blackbirds
Before I see them
Are they yellow headed or black?
Too far away
I wander home.
April 10, 2020 8:35 a.m.
Poem for One I love
Honest and true
Transcendent
You
Is what I see
Listens inside
Trusts the divide
Centred and free
April 12, 2020
Unspoken Thoughts
On my morning walk
Is my writing
Garbage or
Fertilizer for Growth
Hear a meadowlark
See a bunny
Know a society
By its Garbage
Garbage has changed
On these streets
Blue plastic gloves
Blue beer cups
Instead of red solo cup
Snack bags
Pencil stamped WWJD
What Would Jesus Do
And a moccasin
By a school
Chocolate container
Orange Intense
Two Liquor Bottles
Empty 26’s
In less than a block
Three geese fly by
Mate for life I heard
Is one dead
Or any gay geese?
April 13, 2020
APRIL 14, 2020 POEM
Crisp
Waiting
Eyes Bulging
Top of the tree
Sliding Down
Integrating
Phamtoms
Of the Past
Whispy
As the Clouds
And the Moon
Leaves
And the Sun
Comes
At Some Point
Darkness Descends
And the Cycle
Continue
Until It Doesn’t
On What
Plane
April 14, 2020
HEAR ME OUT
- Living
Softy
Gathering
Depth
Graces
Pink
Glow
Thoughts
Floating By
Not Sticking
Crisp
Waiting
Eyes Bulging
Remember
The
Children
More
Under the Surface
Not
Breaking
Free
Old Beliefs
April 11 – 17, 2020
Modern Ink Letter
To my niece
Answering her questions
Are you OK?
I am okay.
This morning I wondered
I am coping
I am doing different to get through this
Everyday different
I notice I’m going back to some comfort things
Being disciplined about not drinking too much
Offering my gifts to others
Made a list of all things I want to be doing
Can be doing
Near forty things; only three I can no longer do
Tennis, golf and patio bands
Besides physically being distant
With family and friends
Internal shifting is big
Time and safe
Issues needing healing are here
I look in the mirror
I see pain
Hard to recognize myself
And who is that self I am looking at
Who is looking?
Things are different
I am not the same
I did see this pandemic coming on some level
It is here and it will end
Summer will come.
April 17, 2020
DRIVE IN THE COUNTRY
“Dust in the wind”
Yesterday’s song in my head
As we go for a drive
Two hawks in the field
Looking for mice
Geese above the canola field
Swaths from last year
Pleasure way RV’s
Moved to the country
We now miss Clavet
On Highway 16
Very little snow
Some open water
More ice
White snow geese
64.9 for gasoline
Lots of crop in field
Ducks in the slough
Ten hawks by the time
We get to Junction #2
Mosaic Potash
Not a car there
Barley in the field
About twenty whooping cranes fly by
White with black wing tips
Not many people
Living on the land anymore
Seagulls heading toward Zelma
All quiet in Young
Unidentifiable crop in field
Maybe flax
A walking track outside of Watrous
A virtual hug for my niece
Manitou Beach
Lots of money being spent
To save and expand
Walking trails
A kildeer as we go by the end
Of a lake
Gravel piles dotting the landscape
Stony, stony land
Mennonite church in the country
Large cattle and then a hog operation
Thirteen more whoopers
After we think we see three only
And a gray hawk
Lanigan potash mine
Tremende Barn
Through Sinnett before we know it
Sinnett church
Farms I know and farms I don’t
Manresa school yard
St. Patrick’s Cemetary
Eaton’s house now with a garage
Then past my farm no more
Except the evergreens
Grandparent’s land
Where the log cabin was
The new T -Eaton House in 1931
Casey school land donation
My dad’s parent’s land
Granary nearby
On the roads dad graded
St. Gertrude still going
Ditching happening on the fields
St. Peter’s College
Cathedral
Muenster
Murmuration of pigeons
Coming into Humboldt
Around a feed plant
Saw a lot of cemetaries
Where Mom, Dad, Dorothy, Gary
Buried
Some green grass on the golf course
We are now the old generation
Stop to see my older brother
Through the window
Of his care home
On our way home
See ATV’s making ruts
In the sloughs of the land
Did my heart good
To see the land
Where I came from
Way more snow
Past Carmel and Bruno
Corners
Nine hawks
Humboldt to Saskatoon
Had my mini vacation
Loved it.
April 19, 2020
- LOVING
Little Bit of Fear
Lots of
Courage
Do
It
Different
I’m Ready
Whatever
Happens
Smattering
Home
Inside
Hear
Me
Out
Puritanical
Praise
Indeed
I AM
So
Out There
Seeing
Through
The Veil
April 18-24, 2020
- LETTING GO
Check
Er
Board
Tired
Played
Out
Work
Is
Done
Caring
What
Happens
In
My
Head
Can’t
Take It
Away
Once
You Are
There
Escaped
From the
Background
Trust
Lacking
Depth
Light
In the
Darkness
Confusion
Out
There
April 25- May 1, 2020
INCOME TAX RUN
April 30th
Income tax run
Two-hour walk
To CRA blue box
STOP it says
No mail here
First time in thirty years
Wondering
Did we have Covid-19
In Arizona
Strange things
I see on walks
Bird flies into dryer vent
Ducks on roof
Hearing the meadow larks
Sunrise
Love’s pink glow
My grief is raw
Looking for clarity
Told songwriting group
“use Android phone”
When asked how I record
No fancy gear
No shame
Who cares?
Thoughts of singing
“Moments Alive”
About Sorrow and Joy
Not feeling the Joy.
Pick up a Maple Leaf’s Tie
Take it home to wash
For whom
Half a hockey stick
In the park
Homeless woman
Downtown streets
Man with walking pole
Only see people’s fear
And my own.
May 1, 2020
ODE TO MOTHER
After the storm
Picking up the pieces
Emotions the storm
Words the pieces
Was it mother coming through
Or “All of my own making”
“if you can’t stand the heat
Stay out of the kitchen”
Since I was born
Survival was the key
She died
Twenty years ago today
“Truth hurts” she said
“I had lots of disappointments
In my life too”
I knew I was loved
Even if I have my doubts
Loved with conditions
So I stayed away
Kept my distance
“What she didn’t know
Didn’t hurt her”
Hurt me
Silence worked
“say only what was nice”
Until one day I didn’t
I found a voice
Found many since
Lately more showed up
They usually take turns
I am responsible for what I say
As I discharge held in emotion
Of sixty years
Or is it more
A path of destruction
Leaving my mouth
If I’m not kind
To those closest to me
Deemed as safe
If I have no awareness
Of other’s experience
To hear
Do I produce
Fear, shame
Anger
Sadness or
Beauty
Or is it I have no responsibility
How other’s feel
In my search
For oneness
Am I open
To Hearing
An honest
Direct
Response?
Yes
It’s what I crave
Belonging
Completeness
All those sayings
Of the past
“Looks fit to kill”
“If looks could kill”
Words can too
Just like assault rifles
Banned yesterday in Canada
Silence kills
Stifled anger
And hurt
As well.
May 2, 2020
WALK WITH THE BIRDS
Can go birding
On my walk
Find a little library
Drop books off
Got rid of books about
Being a Halfbreed
Slavery and New Testament
Ones I’ve read
Crows all around
Death comes
Pen hard on the spine
Of this book
Too much pressure
Like was for mom
Need to sit
One Thing
At A Time
Bench too wet to sit
And contemplate
Birds that kill
Humans that kill
Chokers
And four come together
In the sunlight
In one small rose bush
Blue, blue jays
One screaming
In the distance
A downy woodpecker
Male and female finch
Red and brown
Masculine more out there
Like I am right now
Feminine too
Honor Your Father and Mother
Was more important
Than Honor Your Body
Swallow?
On my way home
May 2, 2020
MUSINGS
He’s gone for a walk
Seeing my role
As caregiver
Been an okay day
Phone visit with a friend
Zoom with seven women
A little singing
Girls on phone
Not easy
I’m searching for something
Not sure what
Deep grief over so much
Need to let it go
Want to honor mom in some way
Not certain how; else to do it
Not certain do anything right
We are all hurting inside
Wise one missing
Wounded child to the forefront
Over the mountain
Going downhill
Granted my life story
Is one mountain after another
Moving faster all the time
Leveling out
Addendum or P.S.
To Modern Ink Letter
Our homes:
A microcosm
Of the world
For my grandchildren
Made a list
What we might do
Virtually
Loved what she did for
The whole day’s birthday
Was great to be on
With eight of us
At one time
And their dad at the end.
May 2 & 3, 2020
ACROSS THE MILES
A guy
I and nine
Others lived with
In 1973-74
Canada World Youth
Reaches out in a
Face book group
Looking for me
On April 24, 2020
Asked me to join
I didn’t know
I wake up and write
His and eight names
In my journal
On April 25, 2020
I am alerted
Found
May 4, 2020
How did I know
Back on April 25th
Thoughts travel
The Beyond
We are all
Connected
May 4, 2020
SIT IN A PARK
3 pm
Sit by a park
Didn’t go home
Wanted quiet
Not listen to the news
Near 24 hours a day
Fourteen for sure
7 am to 9 pm
Now I sleep
Nine to three-thirty am
Four to Seven to myself
My computer would send an email
To a friend
Not who I wanted
The one who wants space?
Not sure what she’s wanting
Our car has new tires
And can’t go anywhere
First time I drove SUV
Since February in Mesa
Two months ago
When deathly ill
Was happening in our house
Now sorting phone lists
Has future changed?
Will there be any more travel
To the States
Yesterday
Stage One happened
Saskatchewan opened
Health practictioners
Stage Two to be May 16th
I see lots out today
Not social distancing
When I’m at home
Talking lots to my sisters
Emailing a pen pal letter
Near all my nails gone
And they were so nice
When Bob was sick
Hanging Hawaiian scenery
On the wall
Creating
A room of my own
Pictures of green growth
And beauty
Purple tree of life
Will computer work
Good Enough
To Edit
“See Me Out”
May 5, 2020
1:30 in the morning
Not sleeping again
Fear I’m in the wrong
Just leave it at that
She can’t talk to me
Is it me or every one
Challenged to talk
One time I was in silence
Lost my voice
When it seemed
Mom and Dad
Chose others
Over me
My learning moments
Found what I need
Care of what I have
Where I’ve been
And where I am
I’ll know
Where to go
May 5, 2020
PAIN FULLY AWARE
Buffoon leaving soon
Scared, frightened, chews nails
Exaggerates
Jumps when he enters the room
Terror at the heart
Think of priest
Pees different
Holds on
Yet can’t
A different one sings
Releases
When in car (the Unhappy One)
Now I’m home
Made love
Cried
Hurts
As in the world
A yeast infection?
This screaming, burning part of me
A yeast shortage
In all the stores
Give what I’ve got to friends
Gave a gift of a basket to a friend
Our first social distancing visit
Special
Walked for an hour home
Talked to my hubby who said
“You have issues to deal with
April and May of every year”
I agree
Add Covid 19
Isolation
A major health issue
A family death
I am doing fine
Cycle of life
I go through them
Faster than most
Have had more practice
May 5, 2020
BALANCED SPEAKS OUT
Balancing out
Two Pelicans soaring
As We Are
Our Relationship
As You Are
How Someone is Parenting
As You Were
Is That Army Talk
Military
Regimented
Harcourt History
Punctual
Start on time
“did you go to residential school?”
I was asked
No
I lived in chaos
With lots of laughter
Lots of love
Glorious
Muddled
Chaotic
Order
May 7, 2020
Awake near seven hours
Awake singing
“I Behold You Beautiful One”
The divine inside okay
Will observe as I grow
Think of all the things I can do
Give to people
Learn new things
My frustrations with others
Is it their incompetence
Or mine?
I want help
Their help
I say what I need
They are not getting it
Who can I ask for help
My nails are going
One woman wants to sing my songs
She’s in Mesa in 105 degrees
Bathing suit top
We see each other on what’s app
I have three shirts on
It’s cold here
Or is it my grief
People without a job
Can’t get out of place they’re in
No references
Can’t sign a lease
Frustration all around
Bodies hurting
Tough spaces
Can’t communicate
What is needed.
May 8, 2020
- Surviviing
Pain
Fully
Aware
I’m
Not
Alone
Wise
One
Inside
Subtle
Shifts
Await
Waiting
Wondering
Where I’ll Fit
Buffoon
Leaving
Soon
Balanced
Speaks
Out
Old
Wizened
Bear
Young
Dreamy
Dancer
May 2-8, 2020
DREAM: Tell nurse I don’t do first response anymore; lived it too long
Dream: World practicing a response; faking it; and I was fooled
My kids not responding to me
Want them to want to connect
If they don’t; they don’t
Don’t know where they’re at
They are changing
And then the flowers arrive
And more flowers
Grandchild delivers
Two and a half-hour walk
With my son
A cooper’s hawk
A beyond experience
Knowing the words
On This Day O Beautiful Mother
Immaculate Mary
There’s No One Like Mother To Me
Ave Maria
And more church songs
Are these flashbacks
Dreaming lots
And know how to change the story
Such an unhappy woman am I
That I’m not hearing from kids
Getting the silent treatment
My actions and how I lived
Could not get past how people are
Other’s sense of entitlement
Their privilege
My judgements of them
Being in the right or wrong
Why does it bother me?
I’m always trying to prove I’m okay
Is it what it feels like to feel hated?
Thinking of their dad and I not talking
Being in the same room
Not talking
No having fun
Too many hurts built up for too long
In this moment
Not sure anyone knows
Impact they have
I crying last night
He in fear in his sleep
In his dreams
Uncertain where it will end
When
Death on its way
At some point
Live it out
What we do
Affects others
Thought about
All Things
I May Have Done
Judged Others
Fears I have
Over money
Sorting that
After Death
Who’s doing it
What will happen here
Will be sorted
When time comes
Today sort out more
My finances
Document list
Frozen roof outside
May tenth
Reminds me of
Christmas or Mother’s Day
When I was alone
Following the separation
The divorce
All pipes froze
All plants gone
How this feels
Wonder if everyone goes
Through these feelings
How is it for others
Unconditional love
Is a challenge
Detachment
Let go
Don’t take things personally
Make up your mind
Be happy
Get a job
Pre-nuptial agreement
Still in effect
One thing at a time
Things I wonder about
Start a file
Or make a list
For when they are ready to talk
Or is this how it is
Silence
Or they choose other things
Distractions
Have I chose other things
Distractions
Over them
Are we all doing what we need to do
To survive
Focus on self only
Shut all else out
They have talked to me
About my tone
And they have let me know
Don’t want questions
Or debate
Love and appreciate me
Beautiful messages
I with words
Attempting
Gentle with myself
Listen to a song
Certain I do not have bi – polar
Or manic depression
Still see the intersect
Of sexual abuse, addictions
And mental health
I don’t have depression
I release
Creativity works
And friends phone
The doctor returns the call
Hubbies test results are better
Dehydration okay
Creatine okay
Kidney function fine
May 11, 2020
GLORIOUS
MUDDLED
CHAOTIC
ORDER
May 9, 2020
LEAVE THE CITY
1:30 in the afternoon
Leave the city
See green patches of love
Bush springing leaves
Manhatten ball field
This May 13th
Power line, tv towers, pavement
Criss cross the land
Black crows and cows
Farm machinery sitting still
RV’s in storage
Road construction
Highway # 5 being widened
Smell of black dirt
Acreages galore
End before St. Denis
Someone is seeding
Or applying fertilizer
Ducks are in sloughs
Hawk in a nest
Grazing green pastures
Lots of brush cutting
Semis; hawks and geese
Mostly a golden drive
From last year’s stubble
See old summer fallow
Then a whole field burnt black
Harrowing throws some dust
Thousands of snow geese
Over Carmel hill
Guy on bike
Picking bottles
Driving wrong side of road
Copperstone Business Park
Developing outside Humboldt
Irrigation or weeping tile
Fixing Uniplex’s park
Left turn at court house
Pass my sister’s house
Who is frontlining at the hospital
And brother-in-law building testing
Stations for covid-19
Two Canada Geese over Burton Lake
Two men fishing
Far away from each other
Past a cow-calf operation
Waldsea Lake on the left
Blackbird on the Marysburg sign
Gravel road
Land being seeded
Lots of gulls
Nine homes and a church
Crow, magpie and next
Robins and a wren
Chickadees galore
Woodpecker tapping
Over our two and a half hour
Fire pit by the ravine
Five semis and about six vehicles
Farm machinery; a sprayer
Times two; a tractor with a roller
A grain truck passes by
I walk through a graveyard
See what I thought was a ravine
End in a dugout
Catch up with brother-in-laws
Doings on his homeland adventure
Social distanced a sister
Phoned another on way home
Waved as we drove by
One last phone call
To brother-in-law in care home
Who not only seeded crops
In built up garden beds
Wondering if needing spraying
And home ward bound
We were
May 13, 2020
4:30 am
Drinking tea
After being up
One to three
Three word lines
Come now
Without seeing a picture
DREDGING
UNKNOWN
TERRITORY
Always new territory
Not the essence
Or not
May 14, 2020
ISOLATION OR NOT
Glorious
Muddled
Chaotic Order
I tell family
They
Don’t respond
Talk to sisters
Their raw grief
That I know
Need to change
Stories
That identify
Judgment
Observation
Integrity
Or Ends
In Isolation
Or Not
May 9-15, 2020
- THRIVING
Glorious
Muddled
Chaotic Order
Raw
Grief
That I know
Choices
Telling
Someone
Unhappy
One
Leaving
Homeward
Bound
Are We
Dredging
Unknown
Territory
Balancing Out
Coming Together
Oneness
May 9-15, 2020
A Coming Together
Happening
The Orange & Blue
Chakras
Balancing Out
Becoming One
Inside
Seeing All Sides
Inside and Out
And All Around
Creating Oneness
Until the Next
Journey
May 16, 2020
DREAM: Small black bag with me
Room being beuilt
With women; girls;
Aboriginal peoples
As ifout there
All the people
Of the land
Is what I want
Serene & Calm
As my friend
Am four squares
Of sixteen square field
Of golden straw
All different shapes
And sizes; formations
Cried
Tried to erase
No one will understand
Wanted it so nice
Ugly part of humanity
In me.
May 17, 2020
Printed poetry
Submission Unsure
Realize 80 pages during this Covid – 19
Little Puppy
Paddling Away
Lots of life
Still to happen
Wise One
So Big
Typed Out
Gentle With Myself
Known
May 17-19, 2020
On way to bank appointment
Vocalizing intense
Releasing what?
Ends with
“Peace I Leave” song
From the Catholic Church
Hope it’s on it’s way
Stop for a few groceries
Unfamiliar Co-op
$150.00 later
They’re back to cheap bags
No masks inside
On the twenty so people in there
One lady in parking lots has one on
8:30 finished
Comfort foods for both of us
Cashier said forty online orders a day
Here with two week waiting period
All so intense inside
My attempts
Living my life
What’s normal for me
What’s my structure?
May 19, 2020
Pleasant day yesterday
After my bank appointment
Zoom music
Two of us
Energy at end of day
Tick in bed with me
After a shower
And visit in the country
Friend’s retreat
Art studio indoors
And sat outdoors
With cheesecake
A starling, goldfinch
Pair of Baltimore Orioles
Grackles
And on my way home
The bluebird
Swainson hawk or
Immature eagle?
Happy I went
Relaxing
Took my books
Music, Poetry, Travel
See Me Out
New and Old
Poem, Be Gentle with Myself
Did not show
Any except to read
After the storm
From in my journal
Disappointing appointment
With bank account manager
Part of me taking responsibility
For my money
My situation
Do it different
Not sure how it will
Apply to rest of life
Look at it all
Has been happening
Storm and windy all night
Zoom wasn’t working
For the first twenty minutes
Keep being booted out
Is it my computer
Another things to face
Ask for help
Thoughts during yoga
Dreams I’ve had
Just go by myself
To be with my kids and grandkids
Stay two weeks
Future thoughts:
Make a red binder
2020 poems and songs
Like a new Journal
Be in touch with people
I lived with forty-seven years ago
Admit I don’t know her
Asking for one’s phone number
Has me crying
One memory comes
And then it’s a judgement
Who am I?
Face it now
Find the beauty
Amidst the pain
Spring Poem 2017
Put on Face Book
Sing Mary Casey’s “In Memory of Her”
For Jenn Casey; for mom
For everyone’s pain
New idea for me
Go on a cross Canada Tour
Many hats: starts here
Like I did outside
JSWOOD with Patricia
Ask
Set up what I want to say
Who to know what
Part of accepting myself
May 20, 2020
DREAM:
Going into banquet hall
Chinese at end of table
Get in car
Woman whose daughter gone away
Wants in with me
I say okay
May 21, 2020
Find faith anyway I/we can
Buns in pans
Out to Clement Farms
Family Greenhouse
New variety of flowers
For the year
Walk to Shoppers
Hubby mails income tax
Son and I talk for an hour
After my meditation
First phone conversation
With woman I bunked with
Forty-seven years ago
Saw her in Toronto
Twenty-eight years ago
Zoom songwriting session
Hearing the history of
Bluegrass
Sad heavy them
With happy sound
I could fit.
May 21, 2020
AND SHE COMES
With her dreams
A six million resort
Where I can have
Free weekend and golf
I put mom and dad’s eulogy
On website
Dad’s remembrances too
Think I can send
A care package
To my daughter
Only buns
Walked through a
Peaceful house
Had a wonderful tea time
On a deck
With a friend
Who understands grief
May 22, 2020
HEALING IT IS
Give me a name
Help me reframe
All that’s going on for me
Creatures go away
Doesn’t make it easier
They once belonged
Our care and wisdom
Is important
Can’t be forgotten
Caring for what is
Mourning the girl that was
Still has songs to sing
Poems to recite
Laughter to ring out
Cares to give away
With my buns
And my bread
I no longer bake
Clothes I no longer sew
Gifts I no longer give
Mothering I no longer do
All those days are through
Joy I think I glimpsed it once
Not here now
A time I was excited about life
Would try new things
Cared about others
Had new projects
Wanted to learn
Go to school
Keep keeping on
I’ve said more than once
More life to live
Lots to discover
Last week I said
Lots of life to happen yet
So what’s one more
Sleepless night
Tears pouring down my face
What’s in a life
Joy and sadness
Peace of mind
That I can find
As I heal the
Broken parts of me
Bringing them together
Back where they belong
Connecting the dots
Of memory
The tears, the fears
The jeers
The fun and games
Laughter and love
Time to live
As I want
As I can
With those who
Want to be
Around
Me.
May 23, 2020
NOT GIVING UP
I know I’m not giving up
On them that can’t hear
Or be there for me
It’s not me
It’s them
They have their own issues
I am here for me
I have enough
Friends
Support
Caring loving beings
Here and beyond
The hell of disconnection
Inside is still here
Not as extreme
As it used to be
Still present for me
Presenting opportunity
Gaining trust
In myself
Room to grown
Unfold
Harmonize
Meet you halfway.
May 23, 2020
DREAM: Go back to a house I’ve been before; like a shelter for women. Lots in
There. I check out different rooms; Know left my bag (tennis bag); and as come
Out of inner room; know by bed where mother and children are; father as well;
As I pick up the bag; know one of their children has written me notes; drawn me
Picture; the father takes off the littlest one ( I assume address); and gives me
Bag. I leave a $1.90 or something; what I can; beside the cash box; like a cabin;
Boy sleeping in upper room; waking up. He will be next is my thought. May 24, 2020
NEW IDEAS
Wake up thinking:
Get computer fixed.
Is it an issue my phone number out there?
Named Chapters of HEAR ME OUT:
Living, Loving, Letting Go, Surviving, Thriving
Little girls hurting is not front and centre but still part of my life.
IDEAS: have poetry readings, one person at a time; zoom house parties;
I’m invited to join; in garage this summer; honor myself; one or two people.
Songs and poems, I want to share.
May 24, 2020
STONEY LAKE TOUR OR
POST COVID – 19?
Leaving the city
Need Gas
Everyone going somewhere today
Trying to set up a golf game
It’s more $ than other years
Gas is $37.00 for three-quarter of a tank
$.89 cents a litre
Lots less a few weeks ago
It’s spring out here in the country
A friend’s mom having elective surgery
Guess that has started up again
Drought in Regina
We had rain
No implements in the field
Half hour out of the city
Not that much rain
Vehicle dust off the highway
On gravel roads
Steam from the potash mine
Don’t usually see
Pass a campground
A well drilling truck
From a different era
Seeding happening by Elstow
City parking costs
Start again tomorrow
Netanyahu in court
Hong Kong is marching
Magpies and blackbirds in the air
Geese in the fields
Ducks in the sloughs
Blue skies and sunshine
This Sunday 24th of May 2020
Busy; every side road has a truck on it
Two dark brown deer standing in golden stubble
People walking side roads
White and brown sandpiper in marsh
Drive by the farm where we purchased a horse
When I was a child
Hawk in a tree; half black; half white and a white head
Plunkett graveyard
Was here the train derailment?
Just love the green
Grass of community pastures
All the fresh leaves on the willows and poplars
Mini sticks of wolf willow
Sign says, “International Research Project”
What is it?
Huge farmer’s garden
Ice cream pails saving the plants
From frost and wind
Guernsey must have had derailment
Work being done
A Bourgault air seeder in the field
Next one a self-propelled huge sprayer
Burr country
No Trespassing Sign
Where there’d be lilac trees
Church and a graveyard
Where I played and sang my heart out
And pinched the kids to behind
Humboldt Lake Resort
Three car garage cabins?
Boat dock: cabin owner’s use only
Skidoos, seadoos, pontoon boats, campers
Motorhomes, tent trailers besides the boats
Trailers, lots for sale
A storage compound
A community in the making
Bird houses, purple martins galore
59 lots on Whitetail Lane
#45; something built on it
Yellow headed blackbirds and tree swallows
Flags of the world
Is water open all the time
Does this water connect to the bigger lake?
Are there Saskatoon berries
Seeing old neighbour’s homes
I used to babysit their two boys
And then I see buffalo beans
Beautiful Sunday around one pm
Very quiet
Nothing on the water
Little yellow pansy type flower
Auction mart
Humboldt Airport
Head for Northshore Resort and then see a sign
Three km to Kloppenburg Wildlife Refuge
Has the most beautiful grass
Unbroken sod
Now see new cabins for sale
Stoney Lake Resort
No one in the water
One man in a speedo
Eighteen degrees
Drove back to the Baytrail road
Across country heading east
Two blackbirds attacking a hawk
This is for sure a gravel road
As we slid slide on loose gravel
Falling down dilapidated hip roof barn
We check out one more side
Of Stoney Lake
Even a four-car garage here
$94,000. Lots
One pontoon on the water at two pm
Buffalo within a mile or two
Cell phone dead as head to Humboldt
Stop in; sister not home
Can’t phone brother in the care home
Sit by the fire in Marysburg
Hear the Angel Haven Retreat progression
Another sister not answering the door
Go for a great walk
The birds sing
Leaves rustle
Cupholders and solar light holders
Sixteen-inch logs can be split
Easy firewood with lots of kindling around
Lovely time
A cherry whisky happy hour
More family visits
All social distance
Own food and drink
Conversation on what’s going on in the world
What does future hold?
This is it!
Enjoy!
Hamburger deluxe
In a new outdoor rustic kitchen
And then we head home
People fishing Burton Lake
New route home
Pass Meacham
# 5 highway being upgraded
Alkaline sloughs
May 25, 2020
Yesterday
Day Away
From Constant Grief
If golf starts today
What am I giving up?
Not sure where I’m at with people
Share pain with a few
Not hearing from kids
Grandchildren all weekend
They have their lives
It is as it is
On a grave marker yesterday
See the part the past has played
In our lives today.
May 26, 2020
Here I am again
“Come home, Come Home”
Song in my head
Accepting Jesus
Into my life again
The he’s of Humanity
Able to be alone
But who want to?
Seeking Searching
The Way
Not only My Way
Although new ideas
Putting me out there
Went downstairs
Looking for “Gentle with Myself” Song
Already in a binder
Still letting go of
Something in that song from 2006
He’s of the World
The magic wore off
Hit the spiral
Heart Ache
Learning to be Alone with What?
Crash Dummy Victim
Anger in my Jaw
Traces of Angst
No One Cares for Me
A Knowing Untrue
I Care Others Care
A Little Girls Home
Sees things others don’t
Cries for attention
A Long Line of History
Of Making Change
Challenging Beginnings
Tenacity and Strength
Amidst Darkness and Light
A New Way
Entering the Darkness
Creation Happening
As I See Light
In Strange Places
Around My Buffet
And the Heron in the Corner
Ask for Help Outside
Comes As I See Blue Light
Outside My Door
Above It & Around It
I Can Be Wrong
As I Sing & Dance
My Way Through
Life
May 26, 2020
Confronted
On my actions
Feel like a fish wife
Bitch
Not cared for
About
Camper van idea
Go where I want
When I want
Moon Lake meadow
Tree Swallow Goes
Around Me
In A Circle
May 27, 2020
Ideas:
Change Website?
CBC poetry contest?
Play for others on FB?
“Down in the Valley”
I’ve been there
Hear again
“It is Well with my Soul”
I get the grief
Guy lost daughters; wife
A song
All that was
Forgotten blood tests
Must be better
And decision is
OK to have someone here
I email
What would work for you
I do not hear
No longer needed
May 27, 2020
BLANKING
I am blanking on something
Connected to sending
Submission to CBC
Friend says “Do What
Makes You Happy”
Sounds easy
Taking in to
Consideration
Needs of Others
Other’s Privacy
Can I trust
My Memory?
Two-hour process
“Submittable”
First time use.
TITLE: Lost in an
Oasis of Strength
Four pages of poetry
Of 2013
Not recognition
Value
Finding a way to value myself
Even out our lives
$
Two hour walk with my son
Hear him out
Unsure it happened
Months of love letters arrive
Presents
Two boxes
A package of love appeared
Notes of caring
Presents of creativity
From a four-year-old
Now turned five
Checking out options
For a different life
May 30, 2020
Sharing my opinions
Speak now or forever hold your peace
Sent song “Angel Wash” on video to girls
Face book posts
Contemplate
Loneliness has been the issue
How it is
Check out hippie vans
Emailing close friends
One phones
May 30, 2020
When I submitted
Lost in an Oasis of Strength
I am actually
Found in an Oasis of Strength
Vacillating Between
Anger and Sadness
Resignation
A Rich Life
In Many Senses of that Word
May 30, 2020
Marathon weekend
One-hour bike ride
On my free
Pay it forward gift
Smell of blossoms
Permeates the air
A kind gentleman
Signals me right of way
A robin watches
As I write
Crows: Harbingers of Death
Or Building a Nest
Lilacs and purple trees
Apple blossomed white ones
Irises and snowdrops
Pink flowering plum
And still the Green of Spring
Magpies like me
Looking for Bright Shiny New
Two-hour Singing Zoom
With five friends
Looking out my front door
Instead of Back
One hour meditation
Am I open to seeing
The old in a new way?
Attempting connection
In a new way
Let my love be there for you
See the dancing of the little ones
An hour of letting go
Tears and More
Saying good-bye or welcoming
The feminine
Not sure of anything
Know it’s not over.
May 30, 2020
Having Money
A Great Equalizer
May 31, 2020
$50.00 Bus Service
North Battleford to Edmonton
Silence
Is A Response
An Act
May 31, 2020
WISE ONE AHEAD
What is going on?
Upper left shoulder/neck
Something of others
Not mine
See as opportunity?
Just want it gone
Out of me
Came after I sang
“I behold you beautiful one
I behold you child of the earth and sun
Let my love wash over you
Let my love wash over you.”
Angel Wash Song
What the fuck is going on?
Felt it come into me from over behind my left shoulder
Had thought it’s angels
And then after worry; Satan; after friend’s comments
Crippling
Don’t know what to think
Body experience
I don’t want it
Think of what I sang
Not my job; they have a mother
Yet – Care for the little ones
Don’t want anyone hurt like I was
A Spiritual Fight????
Psychic attacks
Unsure about offering my writings
How is it different
Still sorting it
Say people have answers within
But support works wonders
I get my answers by reading books
People say read the bible
It’s a book
Wind is Magnificent outside
Eighty to One Hundred km an hour
Wrecked two plants
Debated walking
Want to sort whatever is happening
Give it over to the earth, the wind, the universe
Being, Beyond, the Love in the Air
I believe in people, in nature, in life
I will continue to enjoy all I have been given
Give as I want and as I’m asked
Credit where it’s due
Other’s support
Stomach is burning
Shame
Still like recognition.
June 1, 2020
FOUR/SIXTEENTHS
Wise one ahead
Seventy-Five/Twenty-Five
Four/Sixteenths
Sixteenth the Wise
Twelve the Bear
Four the Pain, Hurt, Anger, Shame
June 1, 2020
Sent in application to be a presenter of Ending Abuse for SWG Book Bytes
WALK IN THE WIND
Let the wind take away my anger
Injustice
Black garbage
Can in middle of the street
Was six am as I looked for socks
Say to hubby
“Like a Marathon to get through life”
Add: “glad you are with me.”
Knowing I hard slept, he responds
“and we will get through this”
Use my experience
The beauty of me
Two red tulips in city landscaping
Garbage strewn all over
I could use those like new containers
Other’s throwaways
No longer safe to pick up anything
Tell my daughter if I’m gone
She will do fine
Fear as I jump at a leaf
See a bronze red tiger lily
I am an open book
Coffin shaped rock in a front yard
Where did that energy come from
That came from behind and entered my left shoulder
Was it the picture behind me of the
Little girl calling someone on the phone
In Gail Adam’s painting art print?
Did she have any anger?
Could it come off the page
Does art spread it around the world
Does the sun burn it up?
Some say give it to Jesus
Who is the next Messiah?
Who is right?
Take A Stand
Wind cleans up the forest
My fault: Poem in email?
Shut down communication
Free speech certain places only
Divergent view
Why do I post?
Recognition
My views come from past experience
Hurt Angry Child
And other’s?
“What shall I do with so great a love?” Carolyn McDade
Denean’s Dream On Song so big
“Take a stand for the future
Of this earth we walk upon
Sharing love sharing power
Understanding we all are one.”
Patterns in my poetry
Share it?
Helpful or hurtful?
Red Peonies
Canada Post is advertising for employees
Why am I noticing
Take a job as distraction
Or CONNECTION is the message
Two evergreens four times higher than houses
Snapped in half
Smack in the middle
Of this windstorm
Shame, burning shame
Going on inside
Smack in my middle
Reread as I type
Carolyn McDade’s Song for Martyrs
“You are our strength, we your hope”
And again, her song words,
“What shall I do with so great a love?”
NOTHING I NEED TO DO.
June 1, 2020
HI HI HI TO SUMMER OR SUMMER FUN Ellen Sagh
(For Some) Heaven must smell like rain at the lake
For me it would mean summer has come
Playing games, feet in the sand
Talking about nothing and having no plans
Hi Hi Hi to Summer
Us playing in the sun
Rejuvenation Relaxation
And nowhere to run
(For others) Water skis, Pontoon Boats, cabin at the lake
Festivals, reunions or quietly read a good book
Gardening, weeding, picking fruit
Going to fairs just for the loot
Hi Hi Hi to summer
Us playing in the sun
Rejuvenation Relaxation
And nowhere to run
Some like golf, others ball and some years ok if nothing at all
Sleeping late; no deadlines; camping, picnicking, it’s vacation time
Lazy days of summer I’ve heard that line somewhere
Walk a mile, take a hike; play some tunes in the open air
Hi Hi Hi to Summer
Us playing in the sun
Rejuvenation Relaxation
And nowhere to run
Barbeques, summer shoes, playgrounds and parks
Watch crops grow, blue skies, stormy skies, could be hail or snow.
Rest assured long days are here; shimmery heat and starry nights
Fresh water lakes, fish in foil, firepit gazing; dreams take flight
Hi Hi Hi to Summer
Us playing in the sun
Rejuvenation Relaxation
Let’s have some fun!!!!!!!!!!!! June 3, 2020
Ready to roar
Like a duck
In Water
Natural
Gracefully
Entering
Unknown
Gently
Bringing
Forth
Fleeting
Moments
June 3, 2020
RANDOM THOUGHTS AND DEFEATED FEELING
Not over and won’t be
Honor father and mother out the window
Aging is a reality – maybe not
New way to think is not
Don’t know what to think
Lots of grief everyone I know and why not hearing from people
Body tells me what I need to know
Intense crying wailing for people of the world
Not helping anyone according to others
Feeling of defeat
Actual doing of something
Track record of success in maintaining relationship
Kids, family, friends
Do the next thing until I feel better
Make You Tube Channel
For the good and bad; great and not so great
I am average – Not
Kristen Neff – listen to her again
Brene Brown for shame issues
Face book – illusion of connection or am
Don’t know what I’ve done wrong or have to learn
Know inner pain still here
Wanted to spread the pain around
Don’t want to give pain to friends/family
Who I’m with; the riots and anger; what is that?
Pain of second book; pain of a child
Generational pain
Can anyone live the darkness
En JOY
Calm and serene
Place for anger and pain
Hurt and the shame
I am okay What is not
Knot – top of my left shoulder
Wanting others to understand
See the patterns in all around
A little off
Ask for help
Hi Hi Hi to summer – beautiful Sunday
Don’t take it personally; why would I not
Personal is Political
June 4, 2020
Ferrel Rage
Unable to communicate my pain/tears
Communication is key
Time now
Time to live in love
Free to be me taking others into consideration
Living free with others
Can run wild
Caring
For self and others
Being Kind
June 4-7, 2020
Laugh and cry
And be okay
With either
Grieving and Anger
Still here
Probably shame
And maybe now
Some self-compassion
As I choose beauty.
June 10, 2020
What I need to learn
Be Who I Am
Be How I Am
Be All I AM
BE
FREE To Be Me
Wild One Wants Freedom
Wild and scared.
June 12, 2020
Listened to my fifteen-minute video
Happy I am myself
Quieter when I speak about my brothers
Beautiful seven minutes
Beautiful to the end
Caring for myself
Meant to be thing
Video and it all that I am ccreating
Co-creating with other
Ideas coming all over the place
Gave away my poetry
Would someone write instruction
For transferring video
Making a link I can forward to whoever I want
June 14, 2020
PRESENTATION VIDEO on book ENDING ABUSE sent to SWG
IDEA: Transcribe it as it’s powerful.
Love fest
Hanging around
In a Pool of Love
I smile
Thinking of how we don’t
Spend money on ourselves
We do
So we have a rich life.
Put bio on website
Need to put meat on my bones
He and I having body issues
Healing the old
Care of self
Presenter – Ending Abuse is the file
Read him plan for day and week
News on; CNN;
Say I can’t concentrate
Now louder
Friends phone, email, text
Bountiful
June 14, 2020
Wind wind wind
Still here
Birds out
Not singing
More like squawking
Wind moved the barbeque
“Do what I’m meant to do
Listen inside
Living in the moment
The river of life.”
Ellen Sagh 2016
Living the Glosa
Four lines from a poet
Then write my own poem
I am here
Not sure I like it
Tears and fears
Do the next thing.
Another poem from the past
A Glosa Stephen Bell Called IT
“Love Comes Easy
Living Well
Life is a Story
I’m here to tell.”
Ellen Sagh 2016
I’m a Story Teller
Too scared to speak
Might say the wrong thing.
June 14, 2020
CARE AND INTEREST
I have care and interest in children, others, world.
Answers within
Sang on face book, “By Our Lives” by Georgina Chambers
About the “ways of ancient listening;
A people’s fear cries through the night
Not knowing whether they will ever dream again.”
One hundred and sixty views; five comments
One email; twenty-five thumbs up or likes
I can’t get computer to work
When I applied to Songs4Nature and didn’t get in;
Thinking it was my computer didn’t send the email;
Took computer to the Geek Squad.
June 16, 2020
Cracking open
Allowing the blackness
To fade away
Light to come through
It’s cold in there
Arctic ice melting
Eyes have seen enough
Old and the young
Fragile
Breaking up
Time to receive
As I step into
The Pool of Love
June 12, 2020
Serve and the Ser ant
Send file as back up
Learn You Tube Channel
This is not my work
As if it was what I was called to do
Be Who – Inside of Me
Pushing Me – To Keep Going
All the women before me
All the women of the world
Who want so much for their children
I won’t be the same
I’m in constant change
Giving and receiving love again
I am not longer the same
I wanted a one-shot deal
Over and Done with
No wonder I am shocked
Disappointed every time
That I am still in it
Go through the tough spaces
Serve and the Servant
Gremlins here laughing
So Old
Before They Go
June 13, 2020
Use Every Moment
Enjoy
When the women stand Up I Shall Listen
Making speeches as I walk
As I write
What if I made a mistake
So Not going live
Crying in the streets
Get point across
Women used tears
For centuries
How we were heard
Black
Symbol of fear, strength, mourning, matter
I Matter, You Matter, All Matter
Energy
All Are
Mom had activity around all the time and too much pressure
Enjoyed beautify of the small things; connection
Dad the silence, nature, open sky, down the road all the time
Who can we trust
Can’t guarantee children won’t be hurt
Claiming my Elder status
Time when I think I have something to say and realize I don’t
All in life is not free
Instead of live one day at a time; ONE MOMENT
June 14, 2020
Unspoken
DREAM: The unspoken happening in homes and care homes
Wrong side of bed feeling
Could cry
Watch news today
Want to argue, fight
Over energy of news
Coming into our home
Per cent of what is really going on in world
Where is the beauty.
Coping
June 16, 2020
Self Care and Interest
I need self care and self interest
Free to be me with care and consideration of the other
Coming together
Outer Doing and Inner Being
Next stage of creating
Rising Slowly
“If there be grief, let it be the rain” William Falkner
If there be grief, let it out. Ellen Sagh
Let the tears flow is where I’m at
May come a time when all the hurt is gone
The tears been shed
Not there yet
Still glad I have all I have
Done the healing I’ve done
And will continue as life appears
To give me opportunity.
June 17, 2020
COLONOSCOPY
Can say to him
You get us there
I’ll get us home
Brings the tears
Gratitude
How he’s been there
And I’ve been there
To get me to this point
Take something to do
Or read a good book
Have a sleep
Sing songs
Hope Best Buy phones
Justify spending money
Fear of not enough
Have to care for self
Who else is going to
Phone visit a friend
A cousin
Family not available
Except one who is working
Caring for Bob
I am not allowed in the hospital
Three hours in a Tim’s parking lot
Bathroom when needed
Now has colitis
Baby tiger here.
June 17, 2020
We leave for Edmonton
Green, green grass
Crops, trees, grazing land
Blue skies, blue slough
On way to a third birthday party
With a homemade present
Mya’s book of love
River valley gorgeous
Light and dark on the hillside
Water weaving along
Yard sites, magpies
Poplars and evergreens
Caragana
Rows of windbreaks
An old threshing machine
By a dugout
Missed a lunch date today
Can’t get much messier than that.
June 18, 2020
Solstice
June 21, 2020
First day of summer
Back writing
Didn’t write yesterday
Was with the little ones
Went to a forest
Too many mosquitoes
So to a free library
By a bench
One played with a cat
Other not
Was scratched by a cat once
Scared but brave enough to try
Did
We did lots of walking
And talking
And fun and games
A Barbie cake and
Many presents
Cash register and the water table
Were the best
Seemed to enjoy the book
Did not look at it again
And that’s okay
Maybe someday
Maybe not
What will their passions be?
June 21, 2020
Not Needed
Not needed as a mother; grandmother
What hurts so much?
I care that the hurting doesn’t go on
Hardly any planes to be seen anymore
Trains still running
Semis galore
Find the quiet and serene
Here the cries of the world
Unresolved issues
Of our lives
Connecting with my past
Roots to the ancient ones
June 19, 2020
As if seeing switching going on
From old elderly
To other times doing okay
Feeling better
Tomorrow pathology results
We drove a car home
I was in tough shape
Whole weekend
Cry anytime I was by myself
Walk around lake; I cry
Like non verbal child
Grief from another time
A husband who had her love
Could not do enough for her
Called her names
Hurt children
So left
Still cared
He found another
Now he’s dead
I moved on
Found another
Carried the pain
Of another
Now let go
And enjoy
The Terrain
June 22, 2020
Overwhelmed again
Letting go again
So much grief of all
Time for me to heal me
Caregiving went on too long
Crying every time I’m alone
There is a time for letting go
Blessed are our lives
Gramma and a dog in a stroller
And she waves as I sit
In a park and cry
Miracle of modern medicine
Killed one infection
But also all the good bacteria
In the colon
Here we go again
Be easy on myself
Always making best decisions
At the time
Going to kids or not
Making notes while a doctor is on phone
Forgot a friend who was making me lunch
Took her yellow and green flowers.
June 22, 2020
894LUL
Can I help you NO
What are you doing Nothing
I said what are you doing Nothing Eating My Lunchh
What are you; a gang stalker
You’re one of those gang busters
You think you’re a goof ball I’m gone, I am out of here
You’re not getting away with this.
Clancy, Circle, Clarence Home A terror experience
June 22, 2020
Still in my body eight days later
Living from a place of acceptance
Accepting what is
June 23, 2020
WASH OUT
Wisdom
Out There
For Everyone
In Their
Every Day
Wash Out – (auto spell_ from How Was Your Day?
Thanks as I wash out the old me I no longer need.
In the country
Joyful and triumphant
Yet
Body still feeling
Terror in my heart
June 24, 2020
Clawing my way to the top
I am There
Wise One Attentive ALL COME
Attending
June 24, 2020
WE ALL COME FROM ONE (white light fills my head)
June 25, 2020
Reading Carolyn McDade and Adrienne Rich lyrics during the night
Chest continues to be a problem
Deep darkness surrounds
Clambouring to be free
Despair knocks me sideways no more
Standing up triumphant
Like a hot air balloon going down
I’ll make a soft landing
The earth still here
Becoming
One
June 25, 2020
Tears come
Whether I’ll go on my own
To Alberta
Take care of myself
Can do same here
Feel the pain
As I am doing now
A saying good-by
To all my ideas
Will I get chose
For Songs4Nature?
June 26, 2020
Young woman prominent
Stepping Out
Been
All that is
Sees the tortured
Downtrodden
Encased in ice
Releasing them
To the Planet
And has all the growth
And beauty
A part
Of
Me
June 26, 2020
Standing Strong
Can’t sleep
Wrote out police report
June 26, 2020
All a bluur feeling
This moment beautiful
June 26, 2020
I am out
A little worse for wear
Still strong
Crying Out
For Care
Lots of tears
Going to seek help again
I’m done; doing it on my own
Find ways
I would make it without but why put myself throught that.
Made muffins
June 26, 2020
Do what you want; I tell him; he who is turning sixty-five
June 26, 2020
Raining
Crows cawing
I survived
Police Statement
Caring officer
Took my report
Gave me file number
Card with victim’s services
I left crying
As I crossed the street
Still in the terror
As I sat in the vehicle
And drove away
Two hours with a friend
Walk and a sit
Basically my day
Came home
Let the neighbours know
I reported to police
It’s not all over
Tough again during the nights
Had been up since one in the morning
Wrote the police report
Three-thirty am
Photocopier not working well
Geek squad said computer working
Better than every before
$266.00 and $60.00
June 27, 2020
MY CABIN AT THE LAKE
Sitting in the basement with the window open
Fresh air
Hear the rain
My cabin at the lake
Will share my summer song
Summer fun
Not there yet
So today it starts
Had a hellish week
OK, Lived through it
He forgot his pills four times
Repeat tests needed
Abcess same or bigger
Letting go of the old
Weeping and gnashing of teeth
Anger and frustration
Do what you want
Care and consideration of others
Do what I need
Care and consideration of others
What is the kind
Thing?
June 27, 2020
Three yellow headed blackbirds
One red-winged
As we go for gas
At a quarter to nine
In the morning
Three-hour trip ahead of us
Or Rest of Our Life
Depends on Your
Point of view.
Wondering where we get world news?
Crows and blackbirds fighting
Four For Sale signs on one road
Not far from town
Greens of summer
Crops are late
White cross in ditch
Friend going to a funeral
Her nephew’s eighteen year old son
Just finished grade twelve
Died in a car wreck
Hip roof barn I don’t remember
On our way to Wakaw, Melfort, Tisdale, Greenwater
For a 65th birthday
Yellow flowers of questionable kind around each slough
Non stop rain since leaving Saskatoon
About fourteen degrees as we pass Smuts
Wolf willow
Black cows dot the distance
White ditch daisies
Driving through Minichinas Hills
At Shannon Lake the rain quietens
Two deer stepping gingerly through long grass
Have my orange and my muffin
Crops are not up over the stubble yet
This June 27th, 2020
Star City still in the same place
Rain stopped
Sun peeking through
Canadian and Saskatchewan flags at next farm
Then a sign for a market garden
At the colony eight km north
Nutrien Inland Terminal
West Hanginghide Creek
Lilacs near past their due date
North of Tisdale take the gravel road
Past his birthplace home which is no more
Land still owned by someone with same name
Roses and songbirds
Best crops we’ve seen
Past what used to be his land
Turkey vultures up close and personal
And then the smell of skunk
Pass a post office only where a town used to be
At one time it had a general store
Curling and skating rink
Two elevators, church and school
Now only a post office box
Similar to in the city
A gymkana with three barrels set up in a field
Onto a highway to Crooked River
Love the differing colors of the evergreens
Silver willow in the farmyards
Bison and their calves
Picked up our hotel key in Porcupine Plain
Toured Chelan
Five vehicles in front of the bar
Ate our salmon sandwich and sweet pickles
If it’d be previous generation; I’d have a sealer of hot tea
But I’m not and I don’t
Gate at Greenwater
Woman not sure we are seniors
Free entry with ID
Two spotted fawns jump around
As we tour through and park
Long walk along the lake, marina, the playground
Tennis courts, cabins, the waterfront
Loons, bluebells and much more
Brown hawks swoop
Family barbeque catch up family history
Overnighter and a tremendous breakfast visit
With a niece and nephew in Somme
Future happiness to look forward to
Back to the lake and price out $150.00 cabins
At Fisherman’s cove for another time
Carrot Cake Snack
And lots of natter
About where the world is going
Or us if we can
On to Perigord Country
World of green crops, grassland, grazing
Copses of trees
Bumpy broken pavement with signs saying “Loose stones”
Close to Yellow Quill First Nation Reservation
Farmingdale Road
Six horses grazing
Pipestone Creek as we discuss what future may hold
Health wise for selves and others
Llamas around Duck Creek
Old Grey brown hip roofed barn
Marshes with blue green cattails
How landscape changes
From multi-million dollar storage bin yards
To slough like scrub land with dead trees
Canola just coming up
Yellow fields of sprayed out weeds
About a twenty-degree cloudy overcast gloomy day
With big storm clouds to south and east
Ominous looking in front of us
Deer standing at attention beside the road
A lot of Nutrien all over the Province I’d say
As we go through Wadena coming into the Wetlands Corridor
Cattle Country
Mulligan Creek although no golf course in sight
Downpour of rain happening really close by
Many blue roofed home and shed
Must have been a sale
Into the Quill Lakes International Bird Area
Turn at Elfros on the Yellowhead
At Mozart we drove into the rain
Grey, white sheet of rain till Wynyard
See hospital where my sister used to work
Nephew at the co-op there
Lilydale Foods going strong
If go by amount of semis back up
$18.00 grass greens golfing sign
Pretty, pretty course
Big trees down in the graveyard
Maybe from last week’s hundred km winds
Train goes on for km; just sitting; not moving anywhere
Can see the Big Quill Lakes
Can’t remember if a shrimp plant is by the water
My year of seeing crows
Kandahar where a friend’s brother farms
I went there for steak supper once
Much flooded land around Dafoe
Huge herons different than ones I’ve seen before
Grey
Near white coyote
Catch up phone and text messages with grandson
And then with son
As go through Lanigan
Dead deer by Viscount
Lots of dead bush on way to Saskatoon
Planning future trips
We have left the rain behind
Blue sky and fluffy white clouds
Little traffic
Foxtails taking over by the Costco turnoff
Soup and salad when we get home.
June 28, 2020
Bad mood after two and half hours
Of loud news
And a conversation
About power balancing
Police and blacks
And what matter
Here or in China.
Slept nine to eleven
Make love
Up eleven to four
Read a bit
“Dancing Soul”
Sat on deck
Between three and four
Watched the clouds
Go by
June 28, 2020
Time to honor and care for myself
June 29, 2020
Choose Beauty
Start a new life
One moment at a time.
June 29, 2020
Captured Essence
Wise One Watching
July 3, 2020
Times in my life had knowing I was okay in the big Oneness of it all.
July 4, 2020
Living from a place of acceptance
Still working on it
As if woke up and know need to finish Book Four
Pick and choose what out of
See Me Out
Hear Me Out
Red Binder
Goes in
And will know when I’m done
July 4, 2020
SOUTHWEST DRIVE 2020
About our fifth drive in five months
Gassing up; an RCMP man in yellow striped pants
Do they all have that?
This trip shocking
Hubby was golfing today till he cancelled yesterday
Wants to go to Grasslands
Radio saying major irrigation project in works
For southwestern Saskatchewan
UP to half a million acres
Four point two billion dollars?
For crops like vegetables
Water security for small towns
Potash mines; protection from drought main idea
Whole new upscale acreages west of Saskatoon
New beautiful homes
New and improved highway
This one no longer goes through Vanscoy
Change is constant
Construction halts us
Flag person with a stop sign
Ten-minute stop then ten minutes beside fresh oil
And then onto fresh asphalt
Roses in the ditch
This fourth of July 2020
Radio said pandemic out of control in U.S.A.
First yellow canola crop
Green everywhere else
Harris where I did not see “Pull of the Land”
It’s what I live all the time
Entering Crystal Beach Game preserve
Bird house on the tall fences
See deer as we’re driving by
Wolf willow, sages, grazing cattle
Long grasses undulating
Lush farmyard trees
Four big semis on farm access grid road
Twenty-four degrees and sun
After lots of rain
Major storage around Rosetown
Plane spraying a field
Bathroom stop at Tim Hortons
Beautiful roads with lots of passing lanes
Hardly any cars
In the Bad Hills
Bear Hills to the North
An overturned Bin
Miles and miles of gravel pits on way to Kindersley
First slough I’ve noticed
A hawk and one-foot-high wheat
Oil Well country
Another bout of construction allows us to see daisies
Clover and long grasses that fill the ditches
Didn’t know September goose festival in Kindersley
Heading south
No oil wells pumping
Eatonia has higher crops
First time I’ve seen bathrooms in a cemetery
Gas station attendant gives direction to Great Sand Hills
Didn’t see any masks
On the road again
Hutterite Colony and a gas operation
Surrounds this living land
We are passing through some farmlands
Totally enclosed by trees
Some wide open
Cross the South Saskatchewan River
Passing a combine going up the hill
Turn after Leader
Never been on this road
Oil cars beside a grain elevator
Pass Prelate
Whole Landscape Green except for one yellow field
Nine km to Sceptre
Fifteen murals; wheat sheaf sculpture and a museum
$35.00 for twelve beer; no non- alcohol
Tremendous playground
Hear the meadowlarks as we leave town
Gravel road past oil pumping station
Two antelope loping beside us in the ditch
Six miles to the sand dunes
On the Birding Trail
Two cows, no birds
Eight-ton maximum sign on the road
Huge bull
Lots of sagebrush
More cattle dotting green landscape
Lone farmyard
Cattle guard gate
Cattle at Large
We are in the boonies
Little buck mule deer
Driving on pure sand road
Said OMG when he said “There’s your sand hills”
Thirteen cars
Yellow oriole when we arrive
Roses
Easter Fly Catcher
A local rancher lets me know
A walk up and down the sand dunes
Some pics
Visit with a man from Richmond
Ate our lunch
Cattle look healthy
Calf sucking on its mother
RM of Happyland
Blackbirds chasing a hawk
Baling happening by Fox Valley
Antelope standing on gravel road
Frisky calf on edge of dugout
Twenty-nine degrees with storm clouds to the west
Dropping rain on hilly farmland
SIGN: I love Oil and Gas with a maple leaf
Four horses and a colt
Maple Creek holds record for most rodeos in a summer
Town much more extensive than we thought
Fanciest health facility in Saskatchewan
And here we are at Cypress Hills
What I’d call paradise today
We walk around the lake
Sometimes full sun; sometimes full shade
In the Lodge Pole Pines
Driving south from there and he who loves me says
“Straight out of the wild west”
Scenic hills for grazing
Come out of a valley to all green seeded crop
Two hawks guarding a huge nest on a power pole near Robsart
Vulture just down the road
Saw my first brown-eyed susan
Old Man on his Back
Driving through the Cypress Hills looking like the badlands
Eastend in the middle of it
Did not see T-Rex
Hardly any traffic all day
First oil pumpers going and there’s lots of them
Going to stop in Shaunavon for the night
A fine dining meal on an outside patio
Selection of blues, jazz and country
Long sleep in a comfortable bed
Only two people in the motel
Low points; how tired I am
Still the grief and burning inside
Cry when I read about my friend speaking at her
Eighteen-year-old great nephew’s funeral
In her morning text to me
Wishing them a heartfelt day
Deluxe cream cheese topping on a great cinnamon bun
Cry again thinking how friends there when family could not be
Slept through the storm notifications of tornado warnings
I didn’t hear the rain, thunder and lightning
Woke up singing “Jeremiah was a bullfrog”; all about “joy to the world
All the boys and girls now; Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea
Joy to You and Me.”
Fourteen degrees on this new clear calm day
Pumpers going slow
Inner and outer sacred
Yellows and green fields as far as the land goes
Birds fluttering through the horse back riding
Green and blue valleyed hills
Maple, caragana hedgerows
Poplars and evergreen straight rows
Honey talking non stop
Changes he’s like at the golf course; what he’s been seeing
Fluttering birds
Driven an hour on beautiful roads
Can see at least ten miles in the distance
Every which way
Family of antelope
No humans or cars
Going through the picture-perfect Frenchman Valley
Wonder if they will have to change their name
Like Washington Redskins and Edmonton Eskimos deciding
Used to be about honour and notoriety of names
Climax area where there were ninety bins in one yard
Hear the meadowlarks
See a coyote
Yellow canola fields
Smaller highway leading to Val Marie
Can see the border this fifth of July at 8:32 am
Seventeen degrees
Road patching equipment
Standing water on the highway from last night’s rain
Another huge bin yard
Six birds to a wire
Thick abundant crops
Cow looks constipated
Through whole region here and late yesterday
See a whole field not seeded
Sprayed weeds maybe?
Small patches of black summer fallow
Stubble seeded and just coming up
Lots of bins in yards
A full dugout
First vehicle we’ve seen in seventy km
Some places just been seeded and yet
Some canola just beginning to bloom
Gophers jump to get out of way
Canuck, Bracken, Orkney
Little square bales compared to big, big bins
Green and yellow in all directions
Elevator in the distance
Not seeing combines in yards
Must be custom happening
Towns with one or two families
Many abandoned buildings
Schools, churches, barns, all greyish brown;
Tinges of red
Bob swerving for gophers
Full graveyards in middle of fields
Bouncy puddle filled highway
Sixteen km from border and one hundred fifty
To Speedy Creek
Boarded up houses that look pretty good
Lots of birds; lots of water
In valleys of the hills
One time we stopped here at Val Marie
To get gas before Port of Monchy leaving Canada
Home of Brian Trottier; top one hundred of NHL
Now on way to the Grasslands
Farms seen their better days
Old railway bed
Black cattle – Angus?
Back to farmland and bins again
Birds all over
Swallows and blackbirds
Mostly wheat and barley
All greens – smells good
Talk of bringing an environmentalist out here
By the scruff of the neck and show them oxygen
Going into the air and if they need a second opinion
To go to LaRonge with all the trees doing the same
Birds now; thirty to forty at a time
Five km to Ecotour National Park
On gravel road and end of farmland
Cattle gate entrance
Gopher standing at attention
As if up on top of a mesa
Huge rock in the grasses over and over
Another cattle gate and some crop
Sixty km hr sign due to bison
Huge rodent population
Have the place to ourselves
Dip into the valley
Barn swallows and lots of bird sounds
Ring-necked peasant crosses road
Twenty km an hour
Ten kayaks by a creek
Just leaving for a four-hour trek
Idea to read my writings to anyone who wants to listen
Take a picture of “”Prairie Dog Adventure Tours”
Maybe a future idea?
Can’t believe the size of the gophers
“A long way from nothing,” Bob says
Old homesteads in park
Prairie beginning to bloom
White flowers, brown-eyes susans
Purple sow thistle, chamomile
Yellow and purple clover being swathed
Wee little deer in the ditch
Feruginous hawk on a post
Thanks to the visitor’s guide
Three more same hawks in a row
Nineteen horses standing in meadow type field
Two Trees day use area
Stock at large
One car sitting
We get out to go for a walk
Don’t get far and twenty-five to thirty-year old guy
Yelps in fear and then yelling
“Biggest snake I ever saw”
Had me putting my runners on
Instead of the sandals I had
Two and a half hours in the park
No bison to be seen
Yellow headed blackbird
Narrow little highway as we leave this place
Fat cows; contented cows
Laying in grass
Hilly grassland both sides of road
Mule deer jumps a fence
Calf off by itself
Then a herd with pink tags in their ears
Price tags I remember my nephew calling them
When he was five
Over a hill
Square of water in the distance
Or is it a flax field
Will never know as turned towards
Mankota instead of Ponteix
Deer turns a three sixty in a sec
In the grass beside me
Unique looking rocks on stony land
Biggest meadowlark I’ve ever seen
Such good roads for no traffic
Blue flax field totally glorious
Purple alfalfa
Then unexplainable stubble
Lilacs are all finished
Lots of closed down building in Mankota
If the building could talk
Stockyards, Rancher’s Nook
Public Cemetery
Neatest is not knowing what we’ll see next!
Headed north into more fields and farmlands
More yellows; still the birds
White, hip-roofed barn no longer in use
Best crops we’ve seen
Two-foot barley; no weeds
Peas, lentils, wheat
Bright, bright yellow and then purple alfalfa
Then a few sections of lowland
Turn at Kincaid on to highway #13
Blue sky; bright sun
Makes canola so bright yellow it’s mind boggling
One place had different colored bins
Beige????
Can’t say Saskatchewan is boring
Meyronne, Woodrow, Lafleche first time ever
Big Catholic cemetery
Thompson Lake visit with a niece and her fiancé
Soon to be husband and they saw a tornade night before
Chicken wings, salad and a great visit
On the golf patio
Saw marshalling in action
Gravelbourg; big convent and Catholic church
College D’St. Mathieu
As we head north towards home
Herd of deer in wheat field
Mostly yellow surrounding us
Yellow and black flycatcher
Feruginous hawk and darting swallows
Brake for an antelope
Whole trip have not seen one magpie
Coyote slinking through a grassy field
Five donkeys in a farmyard
Huge mountain of salt
In front of us as we travel a grid road
Between grazing land with
Chaplin lake on each side
Pale aqua green colored water
Salt shape of a machine shed
Twenty times bigger
Processing plant beside Highway # 1
We cross and continue north after gassing up
I see an article on face book where artists
Are seen the the most non-essential of workers
Suggestion to go online
Through Centre Butte
Where the two of us stayed in a slanted roofed room
Only ones in the hotel that time
Owner gave us the keys
On another adventure time of ours
Now heading towards Elbow
Fields are yellow, yellow and green, green
Each side of the road as far as we can see
Very little bush
Blue sky with fluffy white clouds
212,000 new Covid cases in the world in last twenty-four hours
As we travel through Douglas Provincial Park
Diefenbaker Lake to the left
Tour the Elbow Harbour Recreational Site
Marina full of sailboats, houseboats, motorboats
Four-thirty pm on Sunday and most boats in safe harbour
Go to the Lakeside RV sales office
Seeing purple sow thistle all over in full bloom
Used to be my definition of beauty
After a raging storm
Looked at RV Lots for sale
$34,000 – $54,500.00
Heading home for Saskatoon
Loreburn, Strongfield, Hawarden
One hundred and twenty eight km to home
Half an hour from home see our first bison herd
They laying down enjoying the sun
On this road where earlier this spring
I saw the mountain bluebird
Huge hotel beside Dakota Dunes Casino and Golf Course
Peace Point has new homes and acreages just before Beaver Creek
Beautiful drive
Trees are gorgeous
Crossmount now surrounded by acreages
Willows is changing to make more condos
One hour and twenty minutes to
What could be a new life?
July 5, 2020
Light and darkness here today
How it is
An all nightery
Awake all night
No idea why
Not even thinking
Over a thousand miles of beauty
And kindness and caring
Bob loved the getting away
I it all and still the grief
The heart hurting
Sorrow and transformation
Only wet on the left side of my t-shirt
Soaked when I wake up
Maybe anger and bitterness leaving
Acceptance
Having my tea
Made my coffee
Living from Source
July 6, 2020
ALL NIGHTER
No sleep after that major extreme
Two days of beautiful nature
Contemplate a whole new life style
Left me sleepless all night
Move on from who I was
Others seeing how bad it gets
I am seeing how bad it gets
Heart ful
Speaking the deep
July 7, 2020
Decisions
Do nothing
Stay home
Glad wrote all I wrote
A suggestion I reread Owl Journal
Sister too busy to talk
My daughter says come there
Question is covid in Saskatoon
Question is covid in Alberta
Any point in knowing
If either of us ever had it
Get blood tests this year?
Burned myself yesterday
Golfing and lunch in the sun
11:30 – 4:00
Told my terror moments
What’s your story?
Some say don’t have one
I want an end to the ringing
Top of my head
Check with woman who wrote
“Dancing with the Soul?”
Stay home?
Birding; song I love
Take computer back to Geek Squad?
Grandson get phone working?
Cancel how many golf?
July 8, 2020
Spent most of yesterday with grandson
Beautiful experience
What I love seeing
Is how he stands up
To my beliefs
In a kind way
Corrects me when I’m wrong
Non-shaming
Tells me things
He’s done wrong
Moving on
He fixed my phone
He was able to “Hard reset”
Have an apple I phone too
Can’t get it going
Bob thought gunshots during night
Grandson thinks car backfiring
Neighbors say fireworks
“Hills of Grass” by Carolyn McDadade
Song in my head
“Broken and unbroken of the land
Broken and unbroken of my life.
Times I reach, times I refrain.”
Pockets of disturbance
Some more obtuse
Others deep
On left side
Others merging with right
Forebears brought us on
Some say we spin our own web
“time to leave place where hatred breed”
From Carolyn McDade’s song, “There Is A Time”
Sitting by my basement window
Cabin at the lake feeling
Love it
My Window table
Sacred: past, present and future on it
Honouring our past
The light and the dark; sun and the moon
Future of friends; singing, walking
Grandchildren and children
Anger as if I’m not there for them
What shall I sort
What is my upper room about
Brings tears
Connected to the spiritual past
Of the old heaven on high
As I sort
The beauty of the land
In my every moment.
July 9, 2020
Another weird night
Call from Songs4Nature
Always felt I would be in
Will stay home for first night
And go to Edmonton tomorrow.
July 9, 2020
How life changes
As I sit in a park
After zoom singing
After yoga breathing
My best buy meeting
End of a touch screen
Why my computer was jumping all over
Kids staying in touch with me
Heal myself and Bio
Sent to Songs4Nature
Private face book group
More people dying
Others beginning new dreams
I will be on Zoom tonight
With twenty-five
At Song writing Camp.
July 9, 2020
MY DREAM TREE
I had a dream tree; living on the land; it’s roots quite deep into the earth. Standing at the hub of the hill providing me with shade in the summer. I could lay underneath in the tall prairie grass; sinking into that grass that someone could walk close by and not see me. I could lay underneath listening to the leaves rustling in the breezes making a new tinkling sound and every so often a bird might be there looking eye to eye as I studied the trunk and branches what seemed so high in the sky; near touching those white fluffy clouds on blue.
July 9, 2020
MY ORIGINAL LANDSCAPE
Long grass
Poplar leaves rustling
Willow tree houses
Smell of the dirt
Sloughs
Flowers dot the ditches
Honey suckle, sweet pea, crocus
And brown eyed susan
Magpies
Ducks with their babies
Ice on the dugout
Cool, crisp air
Fresh milk, kitties mewing
Pigs snuffling
Chickens pecking
Sporty, our dog moving in and around wherever I walked
Crackling of dry grass as I stepped bare feet
Freezing cold walk to the outhouse
Stepping in the boot holes of the path through the snow
Carrying the sheets into the house
Frozen boards
Fresh air smell of the wind.
July 9, 2020
OUR NATURAL WORLD
Made it halfway through the night with my five-year-old granddaughter
Left the tent at two a.m.; we sat and watched the stars
We continued on next day with a walk around the lake
Five little ducks and their mother; Clover made a nice bouquet
Rode our bikes and took a hike; breathed in the freshest air
Lay down upon the grass; watched the clouds floating by
Heard the chirping and the tweets, whistled with a piece of grass
The rustling of the leaves, saw the water in our path.
Our natural world, our natural world, our natural world, our natural world.
Bunnies come by here; Gulls circle as do hawks
Daisies pop upon the scene; foxtail and brome grass
Saw the oats for our oatmeal as she gathered mustard seeds
Smelt this earth we walk upon; the universe I am a part.
The world quietens all around as we listen to the frogs
Evening hush; nighttime sounds; Star lights dripping down.
We’re so connected to all that is as we go our separate ways
Thankfulness and gratitude, we had songs to sing
Our natural world, our natural world, our natural world, our natural world.
Even with tornado days; rain, cloud, sun and wind
Peace comes to me again as we share the world I love
Peace comes to me again as I share the natural world
Appreciating what I have; Sharing with all I love.
Our natural world, our natural world, our natural world, our natural world.
July 13, 2020
TRIUMPH
I am here and I am triumphant compared to last week’s down and out sorrow, pain and grief. Loss had me in its grip. My drives and walks in nature did not seem to make a difference. The letting go of emotion did.
It was odd to be in heartfelt physical pain and yet have words like triumph and gratefulness, gratitude and kindness be in my head. Joy and comfort; compassion for myself and wanting to move on and not knowing how.
A paradox of mixed emotion and wondering if it would ever end. Moving to a new place physically where vibrations matched; frequencies melded also made a difference.
Hearing the words of our ancestors through song, family, reading and those being mirrored in my new learning opportunities.
With nature the background; the Oneness of All, always been, is and will be as we care for ourselves, it and each other.
July 14, 2020
PERSPECTIVE
How life can change. I started listening to the song writing group facilitators at a table in the dining room. My sister enters the room saying, “tornado watch” as she runs from window to window stepping outside. Back in; saying, “still here,” and “Kind of green.”
I choose to move downstairs. Twelve weeks ago, today her sixty-one-year-old husband went to bed with her. Two hours later he died of a heart attack. I am here with her first time since then. How life changes.
From every perspective. And yet it goes on. I can see the clouds, the sky, the trees, the stillness and yet hear the rumble; don’t know what is happening on the other side of the house. This window gives me only one perspective. I am content to sit in the silence; inside myself; this house; my life.
July 16, 2020
A NEW IDEA
Checking out a new idea
Twenty-five degrees at ten a.m.
This late July summer day
More vehicles all the time
Construction five minutes out of the city
Sixty km an hour
Lets us enjoy the scenery
Wild and unbroken land
Does something for me
Baling complete in one field
New acreages surrounded by white plastic fences
Yellow and green fields to be seen
As we travel past Aberdeen
Millenium Cross between
Fish Creek Road and Bayda Lane
The Valley of Alvena
Groves of poplar trees
Dot the landscape
Barley, oats, canola and flax
Wheat and canola out of bloom
Fox tail and wolf willow
Cattails hugging the sloughs
Wakaw and then Wakaw Lake Regional Park
Walk about and a lunch
Deep Woods RV Campground
Sites with a playground
July 23, 2020
I AM OUT (WISEONEONS)
Little Puppy Paddling Away
BE YOU D
Having Money A Great Equalizer
Silence is a Response
Walk in the Wind: Wise One Ahead
Ready to Roar Like A Duck
Free to BE ME taking others needs into consideration
Living Free with Others
Can Run Wild caring for self and others
Being Kind
Laugh and Cry; Be ok with either
We Are The Change
BE
Every Moment A New Beginning
When Women Stand Up I Shall Listen
Cracking Open; Time To Receive
Step In To The Pool Of Love
Gremlins Here Laughing: So old Before They Go
Rising Slowly
Baby Tiger Here
Coming Together
Next Stage of Creating
Living From A Place of Acceptance
Wisdom Out There For Everyone in Their Every Moment
Clawing My Way to Top of This Mountain
Wise One Attending
We All Come From One
Becoming One
Standing Strong
I Am Out
All A Blurr Feeling; This Moment Beautiful
Getting Ready to Merge
Crying Giraffe
Captured Essence: Wise One Watching
Change is Constant
Living from Source
Heartful; Speaking the Deep
Pockets of Disturbance, Some More Obtuse
Others Deep on Left Side, Others Merging with Right
The Beauty of the Land in My Every Moment
Truly Great
Our Natural World
Coming Through; Light Inside
Riches Inside
All Connected
It’s All Here
May 16, 2020 – August 5, 2020
Creating New Moments
Crapshoot
Snuffling pig surfaces
Strong WoMan
Carrying Golden Wisdom
Dissolving Ashes
Of the Past
We Are Spirit
I am Enough
Be A Friend
August 6-12, 2020
DEEP DOWN INSIDE
(Division that separates Me & All that are not at peace)
I went down down down to the deep well inside me
I had no idea what I would find
A lot of pain stored in my body
Fear coming forth releasing my mind
No more thoughts about tomorrow
And to my door came a friend
She spoke of her love and sorry
As her family have lost three friends
I will keep my joy and sorrow
Be there to hear as my heart mends
Keep keeping on as new wings (winds) gather
Inside my body and here I am
Yes here I am answering a phone call
Yes a phone call came from a friend
I have pain in my body; others in their heart and mind
And through it all we are all hoping to find
Resolution for a heart sick body
Shouldering the pain of the world
Honoring those who went before me
Who left me here without words
They did their best as I’ve been doing
Cried many tears wringing their hands
Wanted the best for their children
And all the people of the land
Unsure what to do to make it easy
For myself or others or the little ones
Keep keeping on choosing beauty
Continue on being a friend.
August 5, 7 and 12, 2020
A PART
Way down deep; so deep inside me
Is a part of me I don’t like
The one that needs so much attention
Who doesn’t seem to get it right
I want the best for all the others
And know I deserve it for myself
So have some hope I’ll find the answers
And not just sit on the shelf
Inside this shell is a person
Who cares about life; loves every one
Keeps keeping on as she’s certain
There’s enough love for everyone
Feels it in the stars right here beside me
The ones around each morning’s bend
Always there ever after
It’s what I have inside me again
We’re all connected to each other
And to the creatures who crawl, swim and fly
Give up the one impressing others
Do what for me only is right
August 13, 2020
RESOLUTION
Resolution
Moving through the separateness
The divisions that separate
From the core inside
Hold on; feel the life blood of my mother
Connected to our mother earth
The land; sea; the sky
All that’s been, is will be with me until the day I die
I so want to give my body
What it deserves as my heart mends
We can express the joy and sorrow
The pain, the bitterness and move beyond.
August 13, 2020
END OF JOURNAL NUMBER 130
Find the laugher
As I had the tears
Moving on
Leaving the years
Live in the moment
Be at peace
Reaching others
As they release
No need to take
Any thing on
I am living
My life song
Listen and let live
And die.
August 16, 2020
ellensagh 