21. Speeding

I have been speeding through most of my near sixty years. I returned a week ago Friday and I believe it will be conscious choices that decide how my life will look like from here on in. I decided singing was going to be a bigger part of my life as I had a singer-songwriter meet with me just before I left Saskatoon. I wanted her assistance in sorting out what I want to move forward on with the gifts and talents I have going for me.
She suggested I spend some time reflecting and it so happened that two days later I had a whole day workshop on Choices in Life.
Three words that have stayed with me are living, writing, musician. I am choosing areas in my life at Viewpoint where I can live that out.
I wrote a song eighteen years ago and in it; a line says “if I learn to walk, then I can run.” Small steps lead to our goals. I would like to sing the song I wrote:

I want a chance, the chance denied me
To see life more than in black and white
I know it all I know nothing
Why do I always have to be right
The lump in my throat prevents me from speaking
All that I know that was done to me
My eyes are open but I’m not seeing
Just feeling the pain that’s inside of me
Why can’t it end, I’m tired and broken
I’m sick of the strain of holding it in
My body weeps as it was a token
My girl inside speaks from within
I did my best to fit in and be someone
I tried so hard that part of me died
The natural creative fun loving woman
Is trying to escape, escape from inside.
Dancing and singing, playing and jumping
Swimming and skiing, fun in the sun
All these things will be mine for the asking
If I learn to walk, then I can run.

Singing some of my own songs is a goal for me and thank you that I can do that here. Going backwards allows me to see how far I’ve come. It tells me I’ve found the natural creative, fun loving woman and I’m thankful I’m here.
November 10,2014


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