ellensagh

8. Listening Inside

Journal # 84 October 6, 2004 – March 9, 2005

Been in my house three months; quite shocked how time is flying. Went to a co-worker’s house for a work gathering; did not want to be there; do not want to be drinking alcohol. Am working on another insurance class. Have lots of grief; futility feeling about it all; that I don’t have a relationship with a man. Will I ever?
Wondering whether my second book will ever be out there. Some say, “what are you going back there for?” I know many will never understand; at least most will not and does anyone need to? I’m always seeking oneness I guess. Whatever I’m going through right now; the sweat is just pouring off me.
People, well actually, my grade one teacher and my aunt have been after me to write my dad’s history for the town history book. Will I? Still getting used to this house; have one doorbell working; if I rent the suite out; would have to get another; smoke alarms are working so that’s good. Shocking the cost of insurance; would be easier if had another income.
Had a good cry this morning thinking about how to explain Jesus or the Bible as a gramma. Also thinking about a way to celebrate ourselves and how far we’ve come. Thinking how good it is to have work at a government insurance company compared to the inner city year, the adult education stint; the art store; the drug store; Tamara’s House; the taking the bus. Now I can walk to work. All those years, looking for work; going to university; being on welfare; going in the country all the time; dealing with landlords.
Grief stricken is a word that fits. The many, many nights of insomnia. Two am and my thoughts now, today am to get a flu shot; it’s free at my work; getting an ultrasound for the bone density; taking another dance class; this time jive and tango; going out for tea with my friends; tomorrow a haircut and I need a furnace filter
Wrote a letter to my friend: “A huge yellow butterfly landed on me this morning; and a beautiful blue one arrived from you in the mail; you have given me one once before; I laminated it and it is hanging outside on my pole beside the sidewalk. The neighbors will get used to me. I’m volunteering at a group home tonight ( my son’s place of employment) so my son can go out to a close friend’s party. Tomorrow night will be at live theatre; The Diary of Anne Frank. I wasn’t going to go as I’ve kind of had it with deep, deep pain,sadness,tragedy, etc and would like some fun but guess okay; universe is presenting me with this so go with it. Life is good; still loving my house; less money is a challenge but such is life. Ballroom dancing is lots of fun. I’m taking swim lessons again; want to enjoy the water. Once I’m in it; I do but don’t really have any desire to ever go swim so must be an earth person. I’d much rather walk.”
Went to a Greek Dream Gala Night; $100. a plate dinner; entertaining but not my thing. The ticket was given to me by a friend as money raised going to Tamara’s House and she couldn’t go.
Have been kind of down; had hopes re some kind of relationship with a man but obviously haven’t met the right one as those two men I had a few dates with; they just kind of went nowhere. I have girlfriends coming to visit me. That is all good but I do have a lot of sadness over being alone. It hits worse on holidays and weekends.
I went to a documentary about Vancouver’s east side; deep/sad/tragic/prostitution/addiction/violence/ so hard to watch and yet as if can relate; similar to what I lived in the inner city here. I didn’t live it. I witnessed it. It was like living it.
I think this week I am getting a promotion; the next level job; one higher in the hierarchy of what I am doing; so will have a bit extra money. Funny how universe works.
YES! Was promoted to a temporary Personal Injury Representative II.
I do like my house; as if all fit when I moved in. Still things I can’t do; like light a fire in the fireplace; clean the furnace filter or decide if I need a computer. Had a night where I slept from ten o’clock to four o’clock and it’s amazing how much better I feel.
I did have a lot of fun this week. Music going on in my head; happier; played piano at home; some singing so must be coming through another transition. Transforming again. Life as Journey. I go in to such wilderness; where nothing makes sense; all feels pointless; want life to be better; to be different; not so alone feeling.
Read somewhere that after I relinquish all that I depend on for meaning and security; will discover the thread leading to new life. The problem being the old solution has outlived its usefulness. That problem that we want to go away is the very thing that has the power to recharge, renew, reshape, restore. Not making sense to me. Have like a childish fantasy that it will get better; pain in hip; pain in left shoulder. Hopelessness and despair going on; like it will always be this way.
I am writing a song about Saskatchewan. Not bad. I must need recognition or a way to get what’s inner out as sure am trying hard to battle my inside. Need to have some compassion for myself; obviously all I experienced is still trying to sort itself out. I’m feeling kind of useless; not sure what I can do for my kids anymore. Can’t do the things I always could do; like my scrapbooks; do I want to redo them? Is there any point? It’s like a mess.
Still fighting with myself about doing Dad’s history. Think I’m mad like a child; thoughts of he didn’t do anything for me. And that’s not true. He gave me life, fed me, clothed me, gave me love of music, loving kindness but he still wasn’t there in the deepest sense; obviously couldn’t go to him. Gave me a religion that doesn’t work. Bitterness happening here. Allow it out. I don’t want it eating me up. Saw lots of mom’s bitterness through the years. Finished my song about where I live.
HEARTFUL SASKATCHEWAN

Heartful Saskatchewan
Heartful Saskatchewan
Land of the living skies
I am here and this is why.

Land horizons wide and free
Wheat fields waving grasslands green
Lakes and forests still unknown
The First Nations shared their home.

Heartful Saskatchewan
Heartful Saskatchewan
Land of the living skies
I am here and this is why

Down home people farm our ground
Artists, writers, depths abound
People care bout what we do
We wave from cars, we share our food.

Heartful Saskatchewan
Heartful Saskatchewan
Land of the living skies
I am here and this is why

Rider Pride and diamonds bright
Hometown hockey, movie nights
Medicare, the Synchroton
100 years we are so young.

Heartful Saskatchewan
Heartful Saskatchewan
Land of the living skies
I’ll be here until I die

Our home Saskatchewan
Our Love Saskatchewan
Land on an Ancient Sea
We’ll sustain for all to breathe.

Finished the “Remembrances of MY DAD”. Finished swimming lessons. Dived five to six times. Recorded the song I wrote. Still calling it Heartful Saskatchewan. Finishing the last chapters of my class; started the new job in the injury department; mind is a little fried but all OK.
Out to Prairietown; feel good about the song I recorded; not the ending but that’s okay. Played music with my dad and the seniors that were there sang it. Stopped in at McDonalds the next morning and they charged me the senior rate for coffee. A first.
Home and six women came out for singing at my house. Finally am able to light a fire.
Notice since I started this new job, the top middle of my back feeling unsupported. Guess I have to find my own support. What supports me? Made a list: My strengths, my knowledge, my experiences, manager, legislation, seniors in the department, my co-workers, everyone around me, my friends and my family. Will all be okay. Have to focus on the exam that is coming up that represents the technicalities of this new job. That will be okay too.
Went to a concert of a singer, songwriter and folk type singer. Realize how much inside me wants recognition regarding my pain, my songs and crying comes right away when I think of those songs. A woman at work helped me put the tape recording into a CD to send to a Saskatchewan sings contest regarding celebrating one hundred years as a province. Another woman offered to use a computer program to print out the music notes for the song.
Have enjoyed my dance classes. Studying lots for the exams to try to get this job permanent. Going to have a potluck here mid-November for the singing group. I am enjoying being gramma and spending quite a bit of time with the kids.
Back at work called in by manager. Did well on first round of tests. I’m six out of seven in seniority for the permanent job; but as I’m the only one certified; I get to go on to the last round of tests before the interview. He said he’s making up the open book test.
Don’t know if it’s the stress of the new job or the continual studying but always seem to be in continual fear. I can’t understand my son not returning phone calls and then I go into even bigger fear. I have to let that go. I read a book where the mother of a lesbian speaks of giving up her hopes and dreams for her. I cry and cry wondering if my son is in another darkness.
Went back next day and asked the manager which book is being used to make up the open book test. He said, “No certain one.” Unsure I have the information I need.
Nov 22, 2004 DREAM: “I am leaving one place for another, scrambling to get back to where I was. Door to my place wide open; full of old antiques. I’m yelling. Two guys go to leave. One stops to hit at me while other casually putting on his shoes. I say I have a gun. One just checking what all is there. Younger one wants to learn about how I lied. Older one Irish. Younger one doesn’t know his roots.”
My catholic aunt who is in her nineties and who wants to save me, is staying with me for four days. I write my test at eight am this morning. I think I’ll do fine even though dreampt that the manager is asking what is in my pockets.
Passed my test so have to get ready for the interview. Manager said I aced the tests with over ninety per cent on both. Interview was next day with three managers. They gave me nine situations. It went well and within an hour my manager was shaking my hand saying I have the job.
Next day’s journal writing: I’m asking if I’ll find a mate as easy as a house; will it just flow when it’s time. Still letting go of pain I’ve been through; the hard work it was; to go through this past ten years; the stress; even the hard work of the last few weeks; maybe a reminder of that. Just found out moving into this new job gives me one hundred and twenty dollars more a month. Doesn’t seem a lot for the extra work and now dealing with customers who can’t work; can’t take care of themselves and also the death claims.
Guess time to study as have one more insurance exam to write before Christmas. That will let me have all the classes I want to take so can promote in future if wanted to. I wrote letters to my new customers that effective December 1, 2004 I have been assigned care of their file on a permanent basis, that I can be reached at my new phone number and that I look forward to working with them.
Realize how much insomnia I have. Mind going madly off in all directions as CBC would say. I know I’m thinking about the following: Christmas coming; my friend from BC wants to be here to have Christmas with kids and me; another friend talking about renting my basement suite; wondering what to have for Christmas; re gifts; food and what to do about gift-giving to friends. Sometimes can’t believe the thoughts in my head like nothing I give is enough or not giving the right thing or to the right people. Doctor appointment says my cholesterol is a little high; the bad one but said she’s okay if I’m willing to change my diet. I’m going to grind my own flax and add cinnamon to my porridge and also try almonds; I heard six a day will help and doctor is okay if I try that till end of February.
Made a list of what I’ll have for Christmas dinner: cabbage rolls, perogies, turkey, dressing, ham, potatoes, gravy, lettuce salad, cabbage salad, buns,creamed corn, fruit salad, saskatoon berry pie and jello. It’s been thirty five below for days. My friend who was coming as of today; phoned; said violently ill and changed her plane ticket until tomorrow.
January 3, 2004. Quite a stretch without journalling. Unsure what if anything I need to say. No new insights over the Christmas season except easier Christmas than I’ve ever had. Love my Simple Abundance book from my son. It’s talking about gratitude, simplicity, order, harmony, beauty and joy. I think I basically have them and live an authentic life for the most part. Hope for a relationship. The gentle yearnings of my heart are for peace, joy and contentment. I strive to do a good job at work, enjoy my everyday moments, have peace in my heart, and happy I have others in my life.
My most private aspirations are to put the second book to rest. What am I doing with it? Don’t know. Wrote about things that make me happy: a friend or family coming to visit, doing a good job, achieving something, being in touch with myself, ability to cry and having something to look forward to.
Start debating whether to have a birthday come and go; I’ll be fifty years old this January 17, 2005. May. May not. Journalling takes me inward to forgotten aspects of self : marathoner, court plaintiff, wounded child, or the times when I feel connected like when I bought the plane ticket to the Maritimes months before and it turned out it was the day of my grandson’s birth. Think about work shit and that’s how it feels: shitty having to suspend someone’s benefits, lots of conflict, confrontation; people wanting and I have to say NO as they are not entitled.
This Sunday morning thinking about making turkey soup, shoveling the walk, piling snow up against the house, get some groceries and register for Swing Dance. Cry when I think about life growing up on the farm and cry thinking about times someone did something for me.
Made a list of who I’ll invite to my birthday: my kids; 46 women’s names who are friends and co-workers and I think I’ll have cheese and buns; maybe some fruit and wrote down beer and wine; would be different, knowing I have to get wine glasses as don’t have any. Napkins, paper plates and that’s it. It’s January tenth now and wrote in journal “can just feel a lot of old stuff in my back but makes sense when I phoned all those people to come to my party. I’ve been reading my simple abundance book everyday and loving it. Did register for dance and the snow piling today was a cardio workout.
To Love the Wonder in the Ordinary; the Sacred in Thirty Below; the Change of Seasons. I love Winter.
I AM FIFTY Was like a marathon weekend. Knew I was having the Monday come and go for the people I invited. My sister said she wanted to pick me up the Friday before and we’d go to another sister’s for an overnight. She appeared on my Friday off; asked if I was okay us going to my brother’s place as had a drop off. I didn’t care but asked if she trusted her vehicle as it is forty below.
To my brother’s restaurant where my dad, aunt, another brother and even a sister from Ontario was there; much to my amazement. Nearly my whole family there for my birthday and what a lunch it was! Six of us sisters then took off in one car and off to visit an aunt in Humboldt; then out to my sister’s place. This sister arranged a birthday party with women I had been in school with thirty and forty years before as well as neighbour women I grew up with and friends from along the way. They were there besides my sisters and wow; the laughter and carrying on went on and on and on.
We six sisters left the next morning for another sister’s home and then on to Prince Albert for furniture browsing. I don’t know for who but we were together. We ended that evening with a small town Chinese restaurant supper. At some point all my sisters gave me a fifty dollar gift certificate for a pedicure.
I did get home Sunday night and the planned birthday come and go for Monday night when I actually turned fifty was still on. Not only did most of the invited women come; but all my sisters came too. When one walked in bringing fifty carnations I felt so filled up by it all.
This morning’s journal writing: “Inner cadence of contentment, life in tune. Love glows. Life is abundant. Life is enough. I am happy with what I have. Do I need to send thank you cards? I think so.”
My niece stays at my house so she can study and I took her to a place she could write a test for employment purposes. While she did that, I went to a United Nations assembly here in Saskatoon. Came home and sitting in the sun in my bedroom. Cry with the gratefulness of it all; how lucky I am; privileged I am compared to the person walking twelve miles to get water. Still can hear how shocked the woman from Africa was speaking about finding out we Canadians use fresh water to flush toilets.
Valentine’s Day 2005. I am at work and my supervisor asks me to go with him. I am to leave my office now; be with him to meet someone in a meeting room who is there to see some co-workers. I walk out of my office not understanding what we are doing. I walk with him down the hallway not knowing what he is talking about. I step in the long boardroom filled with co-workers. A local actor holding a microphone begins singing a love song and I realize it is to me as he is handing me flowers and chocolates. I realize as the song is ending and the co-workers are clapping that this is on the radio. I am in like shock. I stand there dumbfounded listening as he says to the radio listeners this is a valentine tribute to Sharon from two girlfriends.
Made my month!
My long buried dream is still there. Feels like it is time to decide regarding Book II. That makes me cry. Emotion shows I’m still connected to it. I made the choice to put it away; to choose career; to not do anything with it. Maybe it’s time I have to look at it again but know it is digging up past history as still has power to make me cry. Lately people; actually five in the last few days have said I give them hope. It makes me want to do something with this book.
Still want to get my passport. It needs renewing. Still thinking about whether to buy the diamond ring that a friend wants selling.
Went for over a week of having searing pain in the top left side of my brain. This is right after I went with my friend to visit her sister newly diagnosed with brain cancer. Was it that or what is my head telling me? It was way worse than a headache.
I write: “If I stay on shore I will lose; if I cast away, I’ll be free. I’ll discover anew. The tears tell me I’ve been chained too long. I choose new experiences.”
Going to an informational meeting about traveling to the Athabasca Sand Dunes. Was interesting but don’t think I’ll go. Asked a friend if she wants to go on an Owl Hunt. She did and glad I did. Was worth going. I called it “The Great Northern Owl Hunt.” Something fell into place for me. Met the owl bander in a mall parking lot. Got in his van with my friend. Already three people and a bunch of mice in the van. The mice are right behind me in a cage. When we are about an hour north of Saskatoon I turned around and saw the cage door open from hitting the potholes and immediately told the driver. Thank goodness he was just in time able to grab the one escaping.
I was happy I was able to say “Not me,” about putting it back in the cage as he was stopping the van. Two and half hours after driving north, we saw our first Great Grey Owl. It was sitting there perched in a tree by the side of the road. The van stopped. A square three by three foot piece of white drywall and a fishing net were taken off the top of the van. The drywall was flung out on the snow in the field just past the ditch.
The bander’s hand in a big glove picked a mouse out of the cage; walked out and set it on the drywall. Dressed in painter’s white, the bander sat motionless in snow up to his waist. Did not have to wait long. Within minutes, the Great Grey Owl swooped for the mouse. The bander swooped for the owl. The net closed over him or her. The bander picked the owl up by the feet and walked to the van where an assistant had supplies at the ready. Banding was over in minutes and the owl released. It did not seem to hurt the bird and I asked if the birds want to be banded but that wasn’t answered. I don’t understand the point of banding or learning about them besides studying them. I am not going to be a person putting a mouse in my mitt and walking around with it nor could I catch the owl. I didn’t want to hold it. Maybe if I had to.
I usually was the one that spotted the owls. Throughout the day, we found two hawk owls and eleven Great Grey Owls and were told the amount found was highly unusual.
Wrote in my journal: “Interesting I always want recognition; is it the That I Matter, Am Valuable, Am Needed, Someone Cares That I Exist.”
Came home after that expedition and the song line my friend Carolyn McDade wrote, “What shall I do with so Great a Love” is going non stop in my head. Decide I don’t have to go to the Athabascan Sand Dunes this year; may go to Cypress Hills with friends this coming summer. Can go to Nature Society meetings.
Journal writing: “It’s time to break open chains, chains of love hardening over time, cracked and fissured, dissolving with care, cream liquified, slipping away, silently. Love remains, transfixed here as always, home to stay, channeled words. Heaven has no words, Here to stay, Humbling, Race has finished, I’m home, It’s all okay, I’ve been waiting such a long long time and Now there is places to go, so many places to go; don’t have to be someone I’m not; I’m okay as I am, could have a fire in the fireplace if I wanted to or not.”
Through the darkness
Through the pain
On to sweetness
I remain
Faithful and true
Life so free
Hearing my call
Inside of me
Time again
Caring for others
Censor their pain
Reflect it back
To them again
Listen inside
Give to others
Give again
Time and honour
And gift again
It’s time again
My second book
Returns again
Rivers flowing
In my brain
I’m rich indeed
Realize my dreams
Dreams of honour
Succeeding
Over the pain
Love remains
Hearing the call
Lasting fame
What is love?

Is this what a day in the northern forest did for me?
WOW!
Getting back to the basics, trundling through the snow.
Integration happening?
Having all these ideas.
Ideas for being a gramma, for singing, of a wrap around deck for this house,a patio door, redoing my address book, phoning friends, how to hear from family, about a mosaic, changing things in my house.
Write: “What is hope? Possibility. Universe is unending. As we learn it opens up new things. We can see new possibilities. Faith is believing in oneself and the existence of connection, energy flowing from one to another and the magnitude of it. All that is . Creation springs from this energy. This energy is love; the food I need and the more natural way I fill myself up; the better.”
I went to a movie. I saw an aura around the guy on the movie screen who was talking about crime went down when love meditation was happening; a message to me about what I do affects others.
What I do for myself affects me.
Six weeks ago my DH cholesterol was so high doctor was going to give me pills but offered me time to change my diet. I added two tbsp of flax and a half tsp of cinnamon to my daily porridge and my DH is 3.99 which she said is okay.
I went for a one hour walk; stood and talked to a woman who has been with her husband for sixty two years, feeds her magpies every morning and said is not going to do the old folks home thing. Interesting.
Wore my two dollar black boots this morning. Interesting that the two dollar boots I bought in the Oiltown second hand store ten years ago were wore out and I find nearly the exact same pair. This time they are in black but they were two dollars again in the same second hand store. Seems bizarre. Lent one thousand dollars to my daughter for a lawyer as she is still in custody issues.
A manager at work asks me about developing training courses for people coming into the kind of work I am doing. Feel passionate about that. Heat is radiating off the top of my back and shoulder area as I think about it.
Passion. Is it about me trying to fit into this world? Is it saying good-bye to my second book as lately I’ve been wondering why I’d want to go back into that mess; why I’d want to reread it; why am I not okay just to go on from here. I am. I don’t have to do it for anyone else. It then becomes a should and I’m not into shoulds. I am okay as I am. And yet, I still want to do it.
I know I’m different. Still don’t know why I get so angry when I think how we glorify war veterans. I can’t even sympathize when an RCMP gets killed. I don’t know that I can agree with anyone carrying a gun. I guess I’m a peace activist; only haven’t been able to make my views known. Maybe I do to my sisters but then I am so forceful and talking non-stop about it. It’s my way of saying: This is important. Listen to me.
Still thinking about that ring; the diamond ring a co-worker is selling. Am I wanting a ring? Gift to Me? It could be a reminder to BE instead of DO all the time.
Filled out a questionnaire about Osteoporosis for a Bone Density Study. Wrote have insomnia now one to three hours on two of seven nights. Have had worse. Went to work one day and was crying in the parking lot before I got in the door; so went in, changed my voice mail and went home. I feel overburdened with life issues: poverty, gun control, war, veterans, aboriginal and first nation issues, RCMP, police, woundedness, the injured.
Rewrote my own history from when I was born till now: Life on the farm, Around the world, Marriage, Motherhood, Career, University, Mary Kay, Divorce, Memories, Survivor, Social Work, Book I, Kids Leave Home. Become a gramma, A government worker, Mom Dies, England, Examination of Discovery, Home by the River, Started second book, Six classes re Work, $47,000 settlement, Raised $5000.00, Marathon in Ireland, Permanent Job, Arizona holiday, Golf, Wrote book from journals Rest of book to 2001 finished by January of 2004. Bought house. Permanent Better Job, Wrote Heartful Saskatchewan song.
Spent the day writing affirmations for myself:
I accept and use my own power.
It is safe for me to speak up for myself, that I let the world know what I wanted.
I let the world know I want love.
I am unique and wonderful.
I am adequate enough.
I am magnificent.
I look myself in the eyes and love. I love you anyway. Thank you.
I really love you and accept you exactly as you are.
Love is within and without.
I deserve all good life has to offer.
I am adequate for all life situations.
I am worthy of my own love.
I stand on my own two feet.
I am loved exactly as I am.
I honour who I am.
I look forward to each moment.
I don’t have to prove myself to anyone.
I love myself unconditionally.
I am okay now.
I give myself to the laws of the universe.
I have love and the Universe brings love to me.
Love is within and I’m connected to all the love in the Universe.
There is mutual respect between my co-workers and me.
I can change with happiness and enjoyment.
I have inner peace.
I am responsible for my feelings and I choose to change my circumstances.
I breathe in light and love the power that created me.
I am safe and I can feel I am at peace and harmony with myself.
I can breathe deeply.
I create a peaceful loving life for myself.
I do one thing at a time.
Life is simple and easy.
I relax my neck muscles.
I breathe in and out and relax more and more.
I am capable.
I am more secure each day.
I am serene in this moment.
I am making positive changes in all areas of my life.
I came into this world confident and knew I was the centre of the universe.
I am in a free loving relationship that is lovingly intimate.
I am thankful for the love in my life.
I have it everywhere. I love me.
I really really love me.
This job is a stepping stone to greater things.
I bless my new job, my desk, my office, my co-worker’s, my boss.
I support myself and others.
I prosper wherever I am.
I am in divine harmony.
All divine right action solutions are available now.
I am successful, inspired and work in divine principles.
I am grateful I am here. I breathe.
I dwell in silence each day.
My job is a peaceful playground.
My job responds with warmth and comfort.
My life is filled with light and love.
The joy I find in my job is reflected in my prosperity.
The perfect position is here.
I love the people I work with.
All I encounter work with me.
I have unlimited potential there.
Go for each and every project that comes into mind.
I release my creativity in all my projects.
I release all resistance.
I am in touch with creative source.
I am a clear thinker.
I express my potential.
My potential is unlimited and so are my talents which are in demand and appreciated.
Ideas come to me.
I am a delight of ideas.
I love and approve of myself.
I am happy with myself.
I am content in the present moment.
I experience love through touch, words, gifts.
I am special and show myself that.
I share love, approval and acceptance with all I meet.
I love who I am.
I’m centred, calm and secure.
Life is wonderful, refreshing and exciting.
I will allow love to fill my consciousness.
How can I love you more.
I love what I see.
I accept romance.
Joy fills my days.
Romance is here around the corner.
I deserve love.
I’m surrounded by love.
I am in a joyous place.
I am in the moment.
I move through forgiveness to love.
I claim my own power. I am free.
I am healed. All is well.
I forgive myself for not being perfect.
It is safe to move into the present, to let go of all childhood traumas.
I can make my life anything I want it to be.
I am affirming, accepting, deserving, worthy of prosperity, time, respect, generous, honest, honorable.
My income is constantly increasing and money comes at every turn.
I am open and receptive to all good in the universe.
Thank you life.
I am well compensated and appreciated at work.
Life supplies all I need.
I trust life.
Abundance flows through me.
I deserve and accept the best.
I allow myself innate creativity and am divinely guided by Spirit at all times.
Our longing is our calling,purpose, path, and I trust this expression of creativity.
I can do this job.
I love this day, this work, I have gratitude and appreciation.
My life is joyous and fulfilling.
I have energy for all I want to do.
There is time for review.
I have all the assistance I need.
I feel good in this moment.
I love myself, my body, mind and spirit.
I am connected, rich in abundance in all I need.
I have all the energy I need.
I radiate love and it comes in all areas of my life.
I’m in the process of positive change and I am deserving and creating life.
All is well. Everything is working together for my highest good.
I am safe.
I can do it. I can feel good about it.
I love and appreciate my body.
I care for you.
My body and cells are a mirror of my inner thoughts and beliefs.
My life is a pathway of awakening.
I have respect for myself
I allow the intelligence of my body and the divine connection to allow love in my life.
I fill myself with pleasant thoughts.

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