Writing about the color blue. After I wrote the song last week about the color green; then page after page of writing in song came out. I have been through a week of up and down emotion; from crying to wailing; from anger to rage. I have started countless stories for today; trying to sort out what I want to speak about, and settled for this.
Blue for me is about speaking out. Saying what I need to say. Today I’m trying to figure out what that is. One time I learned about making a certain kind of collage. You divided your large piece of paper into four sections. One section was for pasting pictures from magazines about all the things the whole world knows about you.
The next section was finding pictures and putting them in the section that was what only close family and friends know about you. The next section is for those pictures that would depict what you know about yourself that no one else in the world knows.
Finally, the last section is for the pictures that you pull out of the magazines that depict what you didn’t even know was inside.
If I used that same analogy for telling you what blue means for me, I will tell you and the whole world that blue means speaking out and expressing my truth. If I’m telling you today what I’d tell my close friends and family; blue is for the crying that is still inside and now coming out. If I were telling you what I know and no one else knows is that sometimes I’m scared the tears and the aftereffects of child sexual abuse will never be over.
If I was letting you know what I don’t even know, you, like me, will have to wait because I don’t know.
February 3, 2014
ellensagh 