ellensagh

Saskatoon airport; thinking Rumi instead of Rumination; “Come gather us in, worshiper, wanderer, lover of leavings” words from singing last night may be by Sufi poet, Rumi. Told my honey, “Wish I was in better space” and then said, “I will quit wishing.” Accept. “All This I Am,” my theme these days; words from a song “Woman Am I”.

Been in fear; shake as if first time flying. Acknowledge it and it is gone. Gratitude I’m not in a wheelchair or disabled as many around me are. People are on phones or laptops. I want to remember to type up the experiences I’ve had in the last month. Paranormal or spiritual?? anyway, still happening; someday may put them out in the world . My friend suggesting I be on TV program promoting book and said so glad you’re ready to be known in public. Was great Circle of Song singing group last night, and the first TV taping went so well. Tears continue to happen; about one hour this morning and now again when I step in a washroom.

Reading book, “The Hidden Life of Trees – How they feel, How they communicate.” It says they don’t when sick; I compare it to my being around my ex-husband. Silence is how I deal with it. Not at a place where I can see beyond our human limitations. Reading West Jet magazine article by Julie Payette, former astronaut about to be our Governor General; that it takes nine minutes for the International Space Station to get across Canada; a moving white dot in the sky.

Who would have thought after twenty five years of healing, I would get and take half a sleeping pill for the last month and a half to get some sleep after staying away from any medication all those years.  This am have songs in my head from different times of my life. Not being able to shut my mind off as I think about my newest granddaughter and my mom having same color blue eyes and how beautiful it is to connect with her. Wondering what I will take down south and will it work as well as last year to stay connected with them here. I’m glad I’m organized and feel ready for anything. Thinking about my son’s move; about when I will hear his clarinet playing again; and now about my daughter’s impending move.

Many suggested and I finally did it. Wrote out this twenty second blurb about my book.  Not sure where I’ll use but this is it: ENDING ABUSE, a Saskatchewan book on Sexual Abuse, sharing of survival. A celebration that I made it. A criminal case of catholic priest and the nine year civil suit on how church dealt with survivors; A ten year history of women. Book shows how to support survivors and I’m thankful it’s at www.sharonspeaks.org”

Reviewed my phone album of grandchildren pics.

444 and I’m in Chicago. My son would suggest an angel expert would say 444 means, “the angels are with me.” The limo driver, reserved on line, (congratulations to me who doesn’t usually buy things on line) texts me to let him know when ready; I do and he says seven minutes which turns into two He has me there an hour earlier than expected. I’m also proud I tipped him when I have a hard time spending money. Interesting experience in that we were talking and he missed the turn off. (The chatting did it he said). It added an extra twenty minutes but when we turned around at the next exit a spectacular twenty minute fireworks display was in front of us till we were back on track. It was unexpected and beautiful.

EARLY next morning as I run around the garage on this fifteen acre property, my seven year old great nephew says “you’re old but fast”. I love it. He and his nine year old brother tour me around. We talk about groundhogs, poisonous berries, hideouts, golden rod being higher than me. I love the first flower they picked for me and end up with a whole bouquet that stayed in my bedroom throughout my stay. Our walk continues. Teeny ripe tomatoes, banana peppers, black eyed susans, turkey vultures; peach and apple orchard with a small bird’s nest, unique grasses, three leaf clovers, fast butterflies, perfectly golden ripe corn from the field that boundaries their property, stalks must be twelve feet at least; maybe fifteen; spied a hammock far from the pool; then a hornet’s nest in the tree, two lamb’s ears become part of my bouquet; hear that Indiana is known for rocky glaciers that flattened out the land according to the older nephew; am presented with a white bell like flowers. As we walk hear crickets and cicadas like it’s nightfall. Loved the blue flowered vine moving up and through the new and different trees.

Spent much of morning by the pool with my niece’s other visitors; my twenty -five year pen pal friend from England who I’ve known for forty years. Her other granddaughter from England was with her and how neat it was to hear her wry sense of humor, see her love for children and animals and can she embroider. Together, three of us often watched fort building, trampolining, bike zigzagging, naps and book reading, and I became privy to a playroom hideout.

I had a record ten hour incredible sleep. There is beauty out each window, all four directions and I’m told that’s why no drapes. Love the nature indoors feeling as screened windows are opened. Nothing is out of place in their home and everything has its place.

Spent five hours with ten thousand people at an employee appreciation day of one of Indiana’s biggest companies. A family connection so able to be part of free games like at a fair but this one had winnable prizes, volunteers all over the grounds handing out water, pop, popcorn, and ice cream. We ended up sitting on bales at a comedy show after an old fashioned picnic type meal.

Learned a bit about syncing family life with a successful realtor business my niece has built with non-stop communication devices and supportive backup from spouse. Offers, walk-throughs, listings, rentals, syncing calendars, building buildings, and a nanny on spot not counting the counter offers, and words I never heard of. We had some niece visiting in between the action. At one time I could but now could not deal with the amount of emails/texts/calls happening. No rest for the best is the theme or motto and went with the first soccer practice for the youngest. Everybody seemed to sleep. Naturally gifted children.

A sycamore and a walnut tree. Paper birch and a tulip tree that has actual tulip type yellow spring flowers. My oldest great nephew was whittling and making birch bark cuttings with his army knife. A kyopka with large leaves had trees being conversation piece as I ask, “What kind of tree has two foot leaves?” I did lots of walks through the woods and tell them about the new forest bathing group tours happening around the world; will that become the next big thing? Lowers blood pressure.

Watch the kids use their motorized mini vehicles when I wasn’t attempting baseball training. Terrific eye hand co-ordination for the batting mechanism and if you throw for a strike you have a good chance of catching the ball. I told my recovering from my fear of mice story when years ago I had a teddy bear hamster that escaped, it eating edges of my journals. The middle son knew how to videotape the whole story. “Oh dear, I love it like this,” says the great gramma as she observes goings on.

A fifty person poolside family reunion (niece’s husband’s side), has me seeing kids swim like fish and cousins having non stop fun. My niece and her husband exhibit a no stress way of being and demo the organized way of being works for them.

I walk the woods. The forest never sleeps with cicadas, crickets, birds and a squirrel jumping branch to branch. A pond higher than the path confusing. Wood smoke assails my senses. I see black eyed susan, a running river, falling leaves, stony creek, a woodpecker; saw the red, a tree that’s crashed, sand, under my feet, rustling of leaves, silky smooth white on greyish green bark up all the way to the sky , honey bee haven, a walnut at my feet, and an oyster or clam shell with a mother of pearl look. (find out later mussels). I sit beside a boat and see the bottom of the water. There are thousands of trees to climb, a soft brown feather floats by, a frog hops out of my way, my feet sink in powder sand as I glimpse the cabin through the trees.

Monday morning, 7:15 boys left for school. A few hours later Nana is out walking. I think how incredibly well she is doing while I’m on hammock mediating. A blue backed bird watches me; then I swatted away a hummingbird and had to question myself, when the oldest great nephew asks “why would you do that?” with a smile of curiosity. Enjoyed a grilled dill pickle cheese bun with a peanut butter on banana side prior to city shopping. As I get ready, the mirror shows the pain in my eyes. Thoughts: “wherever I go I am, another unknown part has surfaced which takes me to thoughts of summer and angst of memories not previously known; so much for living in the moment.”

Posh areas of town. I’m not a shopper. Burned the tip of my tongue on a great cup of white tea. Back to the hammock, and totally enjoyed watching the kids. Went to a first soccer practice, saw homework being done, trees being climbed, forts being built and non stop zigzagging and popawheelies on a bike. Settling down for the night routine happened as adults enjoyed British TV humor.

Relaxing Tuesday morning with the best niece visit amidst good-byes as head for the university hub for my ride to Chicago. See Indiana fall as at one countryside intersection has all four corners ripened corn, all higher than the vehicle. An hour later know on right road back to airport as seeing the wind farm that had been red dots by night. Now soybeans, corn and bush and some of the corn is down.

Near traffic jam as airport exit nears; three of six lanes open; have no end of respect for the drivers. Finished two newspapers. Remember morning’s dream, “Cake I am holding says REBORN”.

At a Blackhawk’s lounge in Chicago for lunch.

Neatest, newest best airport I’ve experienced is Minneapolis; art galore and even had live music. AND SO BEAUTIFUL to see my hubby at the airport in Saskatoon.