I want to live authentically. The struggle ensues when I participate in something and it does not jibe with my belief system. It is happening to do with the Viewpoint church services where I participate in the choir.
When this topic searching came up, I immediately had two songs in my head. I wrote them both twenty years ago. They are obviously still speaking to me today. They resonate as part of my ongoing inner process of sorting on my way to self acceptance. I’d like to share them with you today:
SEARCHING FOR PEACE
I’m searching for peace everyday, I’m searching for peace in various ways
I’m searching for peace inside of me, Why can’t I find it, I still have to grieve
The answer is there why is it so hard, to let go and feel from deep in my heart
Cause I’m all alone just the earth and the sky to witness the tears I still have to cry
I’ve now learned to wail out the sorrow and pain I’m saying goodbye to what might have been
It’s hard to accept it was never much good The illusion was there I kept thinking it would
Be there for me Care from the heart Was it like that right from the start
The only caring there was came from my heart I gave it my all in all that I did
But doings no good If it prevents me from seeing What is the best The best thing for me
I want peace in my heart The answer eludes An end to the pain From my being exudes
My path will come if I wait and see And treat myself gently I will be free.
August 19, 1997
And one week later this next song :
FOUND
Now I’m not alone I know that it’s true There’s someone out there for me and for you
Can I call it God I can’t call it Lord I’ve been searching for years It cuts like a sword
To be cut off from that I had believed was so true Now I know it’s in me and in you.
It’s in the love I give every day of my life It’s inside of me when feelings are rife
Feelings of joy sorrow and pain God is with me in sunshine and rain
The pain is in my ribs surrounding my heart Is that how the myth of creation did start
All I know I now cry on my own And it feels so good to not feel alone. Aug 24, 1997.
Thank you for listening as I sort my dilemmas.
November 27, 2017
ellensagh 