I am here I am alive I need to cry Do not know why
It is part of me wanting out A part that’s been total doubt
A part of me full of dread Time to be living instead
Of being pushed down Escaping life living endlessly pain and strife
Can not understand This pain inside one that just up and died
No longer mine to carry around Listening always for any sound
Depending on none No one around Who would be there for me No wonder I am down
Time to listen Time to sing Time to let each of us bring What we can When we can
Whispering love in the night Time to laugh end to fright
Give up the mask that all is right Time to honour the one of the night
Wandering this earth Crying out her pain Carrying the earth inside her frame
Not making sense Desperate anew Tell it all heartbreak anew
Breaking open so I can see What is the next thing in front of me
Desperate lives with so much strain Putting things back together again
Who cares what comes nothing so black All till now has not been slack
Fish tales provide the gifts within Sparkling forth amid the din
Of pain untold inside me now Of years gone past no one will allow
Me to say what I’m thinking aloud I can say what I want when I want
For me to be all I want to be It’s time for me to be alive Run free
Captured no more for eternity Treat me kind and gently Desperate to gain notoriety
For what would I gain if I had that It is no more here or there of what I lack
Listening for the one whose gone She is deserving of so much more than is gone
I did my best it is over and done A rich unfolding under the sun
Heart opening lotus flower growing again Out of the pain that’s been stored as rain
Whispering in love songs in the trees wind as song loving a breeze
Tell me why what here this year As we sort what we want in our lives with no fear
Crying and trying and living in lack of love gone wrong and nothing I lacked
Hellish nights Pain on left side Certainty comes only in time
Give it a rest Time to decide What I want Before I die
Deserving of much Pain all around Let it all go Happiness abound
Dream on awaits Heaven is here This is a life another year
Birthing love Coming up from inside A part of me Has just died
The one who cared for others more than myself Put them above and not much else
Was left for me And so I slide Finding new ways which to glide
Facing off each new dash Living it all will not crash
As have learned ways balance out receive energy give it out
The right time the right place this world we live Where there is nowhere to race
Be happy here Now we are cared for Simply allow
The energy that is building A chance to release Expend it softly Gently release
A time is homing, (coming) (honing), A time is here A time of Peace Live it now
March 22, 2023 – Sang at Remai Modern November 30, 2023
March 26/23 Email: “ Cathy; this is a poem that comes after a day of being so down; despairing and not knowing why; sleep till 2:30 am; lay there 2 hours and then get up and that is what comes; fish tales are my stories carrying gifts within; otherwise still sorting what are my next steps I want in my life we are creating as in Bob and I and all who listen to me; and I SO LOVE That we connect and you have been such a support to me. Thank you. Ellen”
March 26/23 Email: “8:48 am “Ellen, Thank you for sharing such a deep and personal poem.
I feel you have broken open your brain, your heart, your soul and you wrote this poem with your life blood.
Within your truth, I hear what you are saying, are wanting, are wishing, are remembering, and are envisioning.
May this poem be the bridge between where you are and where you want to be.
Thank you for sharing.
Hugs, … Cathy L.”
ellensagh 