ellensagh

My child of the night
If I listen to her
Has all the answers
Of what my life’s been like
I will listen
Listen to her
Accept that that’s
What it really was like
It’s so hard
Don’t want to believe all the images
Flashing inside my brain
About the sex, the abuse, the drinking
All my life; I’ll have to reframe
I’m going to have to take it real easy
Try to rest and relax all day
Cause all night long
Lying awake with new images
Is all about work
And not about play
There was someone inside
who was scared I was making
Making it worse than it really was
But now I know that noone can imagine
The truth of how bad it really was
It’s going to take a while to sort out
To put all the pieces in place
I’m totally exhausted
It’s like reliving
All the things I had to erase
My heart is aching that I had to go thru this
My head is pounding again
There’s much inside that’s trying to resurface
I’ll take it slow, I know I will gain
Gain a better perspective on all that has happened
Happened to me in my life
I don’t have to care what others are thinking
I know the truth in and outside
The tears haven’t come
They’re all within
The old Ellen has them stored so tight
It’s what got us thru 40 years of living
I can’t change it all in just one night.

1996