I’m a girl who sees the truth and had to keep my mouth shut and do what I was told and I never, ever, ever let it go
I held it inside
It’s inside my lungs
I saw the truth I breathed it in inside
And to hold it in To keep it in
So part of me wouldn’t die
I smoked I smoked anything I could find
I had teachers; I had neighbours galore
But when they came and knocked upon the door
They weren’t there for me
They didn’t see how I was hurting inside
I learned well to do what I was supposed to do
To keep everyone happy and to take care of them too
That they never hurt; That they never cried
I had no one who took good care of me
I did get favours and some good things given to me
I deserved better; better than I got
Instead of time; I got approval for what I did
If I followed all their rules in and out of school
But no one listened to me
I learned to keep quiet To never say a word
I buried it deep inside my lungs
The truth is sitting there just waiting to pour out
Like the alcohol that I heard threatened to be destroyed Like I was, living inside
I was never heard from again
Until I went within
And heard the music playing in my head
I wasn’t dead. I was denied
Denied time and love Someone to listen to me
I needed to say how hard it was and what was done to me I needed to hear
It wasn’t your fault
It wasn’t your fault you were the oldest girl
It wasn’t your fault that you were Daddy’s girl
It wasn’t your fault that I had so many kids
It wasn’t your fault that you needed to lie
It wasn’t your fault that you began to steal
It wasn’t your fault that everything was so unreal
It wasn’t your fault that you had to work so hard
You tried your best to take care of the yard
It wasn’t your fault that nobody cared
Nobody cared about how you fared
It wasn’t your fault you had to carry kids
Till your back hurt and you couldn’t get rid of the pain in your back.
1996
ellensagh 