I will be gentle with myself
I am a child of the universe
I am gentle when I’m angry
I am gentle when I’m kind
I am gentle with the thoughts
Running through my mind
As I sort out all the chapters
Of what has come before
Of all the communions
That don’t fit anymore
I have no end of assistance
Life blood in all these things
I can call on Jesus
Mohammed or all beings
We are connected
To what has come before
How do we separate
The Sacred from Folklore
Listen in the moment
Shed the pain of the past
Describe what is happening
Deepen the experience
Detail life
Delve for the answers
Held within the pain
When I take the time to listen
To the child within again
Whose been so lonely and so angry
Hanging out alone
Crying for communion
Of what to her was gold
Where can I find it
Visioning again
Can’t seem to remember
What that even means
Blessing of our food
Sitting in a Pew
How much can I listen
When it doesn’t fit for _________ me?
There is something held in
The left side of my brain
Connected to what has gone before
The shit/the hurt, the horror
Of abuse at the door
The door of understanding
Is connected to my brain
Down through my heart
And out my voice as rain
Tears of communion
Slide down my face again
Washing away the pain
And agony within
Desperate lives
Of so many do abound
Searching for Spirit
In all things around
Wanting to matter
Knowing there is more
Wanting to reconnect
To what has come before
Unity with Spirit
Of the Life-Giving Force
Permeates Us All
And Wants to be Endorsed
Something is stuck in me
In my throat and in my jaw
Most is so much better
Most of the pain is gone
I can feel it in my heart
My needing to be heart
The sorrow and the pain
Of all those years has blurred
When I didn’t seem to matter
To anyone or anything
I couldn’t find God or Spirit
In anyone or anything
When actions show NOW caring
Then I feel it is not lost
That people will be there
To help me bear the cost
Now I trust that others
Who walked the path before
Are with me today
And when I breathe no more
The tears are coming now
From so far, so deep within
Washing away the pain
From the welling from within
It all stuck to the old crap
That was still in store
And couldn’t move through
And felt like forever more
Explore the old beliefs
That make my head spin
Lightning bolts of action
Leaving with this pen
This is sweet communion
As I connect with the child
Who has always been, is,
And wants to run wild
She is full of spirit
In love with everything
Was with me much of life
Especially when I sing
This miracle of birth
And when I was a bride
She was right there with me
Always at my side
I am so happy that
I’m finally breaking through
Connecting with
I hate to say YOU
Then it means I’m not connected
And have to feel the pain
As the girl was hurt
Over and over and over again
I have to give voice
As its stuck in my jaw
The hell of disconnection
The despair and the loss
The descent without answers
Disgust anger and pain
Depressed Emotion
Rising Again
Disturbed, distorted
Degraded Ugliness
Deep deep pain
Who wants to hear again and again
It’s what I need to do
Give it a second look
Why I want the help
Of Putting out a 2nd book
Spread the pain around
Not bear it alone
Others will help us
On our Journey home
Up to now I have been trying
To build me a home
Find me a job
And not be alone
But the pain has been building
Stuck on what has gone before
This is my understanding
And my throat is much less sore
Oh, this is sweet communionMy tears softly sing
As I listen to my voices
A musical ring.
January 28, 2006
ellensagh 